Raise A Grand Update

Well done to Meeky for organising our World Cup Predictor. This raised £330 for club funds.

You'll remember we set ourselves the challenge of raising £1,000 from our events this year to pay for our bowling machine.

Well we're nearly there. And with our 20/20 match and Race Night to come we should beat our target.

Click Here To View Fundraiser Update

All Tied Up

Promotion rivals Belvoir were the latest visitors to the Field of Dreams, which had become a fortress for the Millers after several huge scores. Missing from the team were Aussie Parker, having failed to escape from Senoritas a week earlier, whilst ½ Aussie Dale was having a weekend in Hull – an odd decision. However, back from filming with Daisy and Uncle Jessie, Bo Duke Dave Hiller filled one of the slots, with Dave Strong also back.

Belvoir won the toss and batted. Rendu failed to turn up until the fifth over, although he had bowled two of the first four. Perhaps the weight of captaincy, fatherhood, and making the teas has finally proved too much for the normaly laid-back skipper? Meanwhile Dave Strong was serving up some buffet from the bottom end, whilst Baker’s mayonnaise covered fingers let another dolly slip through at Gully. With the openers set fair, a big total was in the offing. The Millers thought they had broken the deadlock, as Meek hit the stumps direct whilst the batsman turned his back and strolled back towards his crease. Sadly, the Square-Leg Umpire was making notes rather than looking, and had to give the batsman the benefit. Graham soon had his man though, as another ripper was nicked to slip, although the bowler was already celebrating a caught behind? Baker saw his chance to grab some wickets, and was soon ripping through the middle order, claiming five wickets. His efforts were not helped by some slopping fielding. Tuckwell spilt two chances, Meek was dancing around some catches at mid-wicket, but eventually held a couple. Dessaur then spilt his second catch, pushing it for six, although others claimed a four. Surely the two runs wouldn’t matter at the end? In the final overs, the Millers realised that Belvoir had reversed the order and some lusty blows got them to 203 before a suicidal single ended the innings.

The Rendu tea was an excellent affair, with egg mayonnaise ciabattas and melon the highlight.

In response, Dessaur and Graham exchanged blows (batting ones that is) as the innings opened at a canter. However, Dessy missed a straight one, and despite several good starts, the Millers kept losing wickets, with Graham top scoring with 60. When Baker went for a duck, and Garland for two, 70 were still needed with only the “non-batsmen” left. Meek hit some lusty blows, but it was Dave Strong, yet to be dismissed in the league this season, who was our last hope. He didn’t disappoint, with some crunching cover drives and a couple of sixes, whilst Dave Hiller scored a personal best of 10 before missing a straight one. Last man Simon Tuckwell strode to the crease, with 15 still needed. A selection of singles moved the target closer. As a last resort, fielders crowded round the lofty number eleven, who immediately dollied one to short leg – who dropped it. Tension gripped the ground, and suddenly hope for the music loving Millers came from the Village Hall as the rock n roll band started belting out the hits. A misfield thanks to the Keyworth Bumps got the scores level. Tuckwell blocked out a few more deliveries, but a vicious yorker castled him, leaving Dave Strong stranded on 36*. The game was tied, and cricket was the winner. Or so most thought, but for one disgruntled wedding guest who had wandered over to enjoy the tense last few overs - “ Six hours standing in a field and then no winner at the end”.

Strongy’s sporting weekend then went from bad to worse, missing a four foot putt on Sunday morning to hand Laddy and partner a halved match at the Sunday Golf Challenge at Ramsdale.

MoM : Bobby Baker
TFC : Rocket Rendu

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 3, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rocket Rendu 1

Stiffs Lose at Lambley

Leggy led a weakened side to old rivals Lambley with Cowlard, Murali Burton, JB and Dimps on hols. Thankfully Pistol Pete sped into the car park for a long overdue return to action.

Ball, fearing a fine for mucky kit, had washed his shirt at midday, and took to the field dripping wet, thankful that the heatwave hadn’t yet broken.

The postage stamp ground was like the Sahara so it was a bad toss to lose. Fresh from Hazzard County, Andy Hiller was swapping beach cricket for the real thing and was rusty early on, but soon settled into a fine rhythm beating both openers for pace. The outfield was like sandpaper and the new ball lasted about four overs, which didn’t help Moley get his usual swing from the other end.

Needing a breakthrough, Leggy turned to himself, and rode his luck with a series of full tosses and long hops that the openers couldn’t decide whether to hit for four or six, and did neither. Star all rounder Ball replaced Hiller and was soon relishing the start of the football season next week, as a series of looping half volleys disapeared to the cover boundary.

At 120 without loss off 25 overs we were up against it. Then inexplicably on 78, the Lambley opener pulled another Leggy long hop to the short boundary, only to see Moley leap like a salmon to snaffle a wonderful catch, leaving Bally contemplating a spell in Keyworth United Reserves. Drurs quickly beat the no.3 in the flight, who would have many sleepless nights at being dismissed Ct. Legge Bd. Drury. Moley then took a carbon copy catch off Leggy’s next over and we sensed the tide was turning. We kept a lid on the runs for a while with Duncan spritely in the field and Bo Hiller getting a deserved wicket.

Bally was delighted to get a second spell sensing he could post a career all time worst for runs conceded. However, the innings turned on controversy. Ball spilled a routine caught and bowled, but the ball ricocheted into the stumps at the non-striker’s end. Lambley’s no.6, an uncanny Monty look-a-like and even spookier namesake, still had his bat in the air, but the umpire was counting his pebbles, and in the absence of a TV replay Panesar escaped. The pair went on to post an unbeaten 80 partnership to take Lambley to 238-4 at tea.

Leggy led by example with figures of 2-36 off 12, Andy Hiller deserved better than 1-53 off 12, Drurs was steady with 1-35 off 7, while Ball will quickly forget 0-74 off 9.

Tea was a dry alfresco affair, the highlight for some, being Wes Morgan’s own goal.

In reply Drurs found form to be fickle, scratching around for 15 overs for 10. Only two balls were middled, the first off a head high full toss, miraculously caught one handed by a paper boy on the boundary, only to be called a no ball. And then one that Panesar snapped up at a square leg.

Lambley had seen Ernie bat before posting three gullies and a backward point. But Ern’ kept finding the gaps to vacant third man. This wound up the volatile young tearaway, who resorted to head high bouncers that were no balled by his uncle. A brief exchange of industrial language saw the ump threaten to walk off, then square up to his nephew after more provocative words. At the other end the bowler’s run up was interrupted as the ump practised a series of upper cuts that would not have been undeserved.

Ball capped a miserable day quickly following Drurs in the paper boy’s first over. Meanwhile Leggy was canvassing votes for a captaincy coup, securing Paul Lay’s support by promoting him to no.4. And Paul responded with a fine half century. Ernie had to give Paul his bat back and dried up, caught in the gully for 43.

It was run-a-ball stuff for the last 20, and text-a-minute, as skipper Cowlard requested ball-by-ball updates. Beakey played a fine knock of 35 putting on 60 with Paul. Then more controversy. With the wind getting up, Paul missed a slog and turned to see a single bail on the ground but neither the bowler or keeper appealed. Paul did the honourable thing walking, when many would have stood their ground, for a fine 59. Butch soon followed for an equally good 35.

Duncan had waited patiently for a chance to get off a king pair, but it was not to be, out first ball, again. Andy Hiller hit the shot of the day, a straight six, but was then run out as the rate climbed to 12 an over. Pistol Pete scurried between the wickets for an unbeaten 16, while Leggy did his best to gift the opposition another bowling point, dropped in the last over. We ended up on 209-7, 20 short which was a good effort.

In the bar, Leggy was upset to find out he’d come 2nd to KP in Sugar magazine’s Cricket Hunks, but had the last laugh cleaning up first and second prizes in the home side’s raffle card.

MOM: Leggy and Paul Lay shared
TFC: Bally
MOM in running: Leggy 1, Lay Jnr 1, Benji 2, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2

Spot The Ball Comp

Win a night on the tiles round Rudd with star all-rounder Ball. All drinks on the slate. Simply guess where Bomber Graham's monster six hit landed.

Send entries on a postcard to KCC, Field of Dreams, Keyworth.

Eye of The Storm

First verses second in South Notts Div C had been the talk of Keyworth in the days leading up to the big game. Would the Keyworth Hurricane continue to smash all in its path as the team ventured to the wild north of Nottinghamshire? The Millers were missing a brace of Dave’s, but welcomed back Bomber Graham and Rob The Butcher Beake. It was hoped that Aussie Grant would also be using this game as payback, given that Kirkby’s most famous son was Harold Larwood, who so cruelly exposed a weakness in the convicts’ technique back in the 1930s.

The Millers were inserted on a wet pitch after a morning storm, and soon Graham and new opener Dessaur were lashing the bowling to all parts. Eighty odd for the first wicket was a good start, but Graham then holed out after another half century. Dessaur quickly followed, but as the batting tornado blew itself out, the mood got particularly stormy in the score box. Cliff had refused to travel as seven hours with the Kirkby scorer would be too much for him. Rocket took the pen early on, and was getting on swimmingly until the Keyworth tailenders strolled past the score box for the second time. The Kirkby scorer, with an eye for detail, blew his top as his view had been impaired. Rocket threw down his pens in disgust as an argument ensued. With the situation as tense as Beirut, the diplomat Meek crawled past the score box on all fours. “Is that better?” cried the chubby all-rounder. More expletives ensued, and with it looking like all out war, in went Keyworth’s own Kofi Anan, Simon Tuckwell to restore peace.

Rendu, still fuming, went out to bat and looked to take his frustration out on the Kirkby bowlers, but the threatening weather returned. The game was finely balanced at 150-4, when the players left for rain. Five minutes later, the clouds became so black that several players rushed to their phones to ring loved ones, fearing the end of the world.

The game was soon abandoned, but the histrionics continued. Dessaur slipped in to Bobby’s boxer shorts (although Baker wasn’t wearing them at the time), whilst Meek commented on the quality of several players underwear. A couple of loosenors on the way back gave a good base for the younger members of the team to hit West Bridgford. Aussie Parker was finally allowed off the leash, and as predicted, became a liability after his fifth Fosters. The bar turned blue with his Queensland patter, and by eleven there was talk of a trip to Senoritas. He was last seen sending expletive texts to The Reporter who left him for home, as the Aussie looked to push on through.

In the end, a damp squib of a game, but a thunderous evening.

Seconds Slowed by Storms

Thunderstorms came to Clifton's rescue after the Stiffs made a swift start on Saturday. Leggy had taken the role of Michael Fish, predicting any storms wouldn't arrive until at least 7.00 pm, however his forecast was more like Billy the Fish as rain ruined play after only 23 overs.

The pitch was more dry and barren than a Royal Hoylake fairway. But miracles do happen as skipper Cowlard first won the toss, and then, to the amazement of all, decided to bat. With Butch away with the Firsts, evergreen Ernie didn't need to be asked twice to open up with Drurs in tropical temperature.

Drurs was the latest Miller to be hamstrung, and quick singles were even less likely than normal. But this was the most feathered of beds, and boundaries were in abundance as the openers raced along at six an over.

Drurs made a case for an unlikely starting spot in the 20/20 with fourteen 4's in his 69, before a dreadful slog at a spinner saw him stumped by a country mile. Star nudger Ball had the coveted no.3 jacket, but was confused to be told that it was doing nothing, only to find his first ball turn square.

The arrival of Mr and Mrs London Branch was greeted with a thunderous reception, sadly it was louder from the skies than from the pavilion. Ernie announced to Bally that it would be like batting in Evening League, before darting to the pavilion as the first flash of lightning was seen over mid wicket. Ball had never before gone off for rain that hadn't yet started. Ernie had made a fine 38 and Ball a single dab. 121-1 off 23 overs was a great start.

Early tea was taken, which was a monster affair courtesy of Jude. Flapjack and the fastest cakes in the world were the highlights. Dimples was asked to pay double match tax, helping himself to fourth's. Duncan Disorderly did his best to explain the scientific reasoning behind percentage humidity, something to do with moisture content in the atmosphere, but the Faraday Lecture was lost on most, with more attention being shown to the rapidly diminishing supplies of chocolate brownie cake.

Sadly we had a month's rain in an hour and the only further play possible was at the card table, where not for the first time Boss Hog was the first to leave.

Saturday Teamsheets

1st XI Away to Kirkby Portland
Please be at the Ground at 1.00pm. for a 1.45pm start
(inform Steve Rendu or Ted only if you are unavailable)

I Graham, C. Ladd, S Bradley, W. Dessaur, G. Tindsley, R.Beake, D Collison, R. Baker, S. Rendu, G. Parker, S. Meek

2nd XI Home to Clifton 3rd XI
Please meet be at the ground no later than 1.15

A Ball, R Drury, M Burton, E Lay, P Lay, D Tarran, T Elliott, A Cowlard, M Ward, C Legge, D Baldrey

Teas: Jude

Seconds Bounce Back At Balderton

Away at Balderton, the home side had clearly realised that several Millers were carrying a pound or two overweight, laying on a portakabin sauna to change in. And temperatures reached boiling point as skipper Cowlard won the toss and stuck us into the field under a red hot sun.

Moley started bowling a Trent Bridge net length but soon realised that straight and full was the order of the day. Balderton had clearly been to the library to rent a DVD of Cowlard’s all time worst cross-batted dismissals. First the opener miscued to mid-wicket, where Ball was statuesque, like Nelson on his column, reacting only just in time to make the catch.

In his next over Moley was on a hat-trick. First a dreadful cross-bat castled the no.3. Then Paul ‘One Gets Two’ Lay was again prophetic as a shout of “anyone can get a first baller”, was followed by a carbon copy hoik to one that didn’t require Hawkeye to show it was pitching middle and hitting middle. 40-3 was a great start.

Our old friend and ex-Scumtree stalwart Smarty then looked dangerous, but just couldn’t resist having a whack at a wide half volley from Murali Burton, Drurs taking a sharp catch at short extra.

We were then held up, but ultimately helped, by the Balderton paper boys: strong in technique, but weak in runs. It was like watching Drurs bat at both ends. We must have gone 15 fifteen overs conceding only one boundary, some effort on a car bonnet of an outfield. The only blemish saw Paul Lay in no man’s land at deep mid off, waving at a lofted drive that dropped inside the ropes. This cheered Dimps up no end. But sadly soon after, Dimples gave more fodder to the tabloid hacks, fumbling a routine chance at square leg, with much guffawing all round.

We made ground fielding look like hard work. Moley took the long barrier to the extreme, laying down full length to only half stop a cover drive. Bally was in line for the fielding point with a showbiz one handed catch of Leggy, then promptly lost it, allowing three runs, almost out-jogged to the ball by the Adonis. Cowlard went mardy, first unable to pick one up cleanly in the deep, then turning his back on a simple run out chance at the bowler’s end, unhappy that Leggy had politely let the paper boy run past him before picking up the ball.

Despite all this fun, this was one of our best defensive bowling performances for a long time. Restricting the home side to 166-8 was a great effort, especially as we bowled 3 extra overs in wides. Hard to split Cowlard 1-37 off 11, Moley 3-40 off 8, Murali 1-36 off 11 and Leggy 3-30 off 13 (somehow Boss Hog sneaked in an extra over!).

The highlights of tea were being out of the sun and chocolate marshmallows.

After a series of dismal run chases, Cowlard shook up the batting order. Drurs escaped the axe, and repaid the faith by clipping a full toss to mid on for 10. Butch found the pitch to his liking cutting and chopping with relish. Bally was promoted to no.3 and responded with a fine array of nudges and nurdles. Butch was bowled off his pads for a fine 23, then Bally made the schoolboy error of getting out off the last ball before drinks for 37.

Ernie batted serenely for a fine 30, including the shot of the day, a rasping straight drive that would have reached Newark High Street, then ran himself out under no pressure.

Skipper Cowlard’s innings was almost over before it started. Having practised playing straight at Wednesday night nets, it predictably took just four balls for the cross-bat swipe to reappear, but was amazingly dropped at square leg. Andy knew his luck was in, dropped twice more to howls of derision from the boundary edge, in a head-shaking unbeaten knock of 17. Top Man Burton at the other end was in better fettle, four boundaries in his 18, seeing us home with 8 overs to spare.

MOM: Murali Burton
MOM in running: Benji 2, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2

Leggy’s worries about an expensive all nighter on the sauce with Cowlard, were put aside with the presentation of the £100 Baby’s Weight cheque to ease the stress on his wallet.

The Three Tenors Call The Tune

The business end of the season began with a home fixture against Attenborough. Global warming made the Field of Dreams a batsman’s paradise with true wicket and glass outfield. Judy Garland was welcomed back from a stag trip to Seville, and Dessy returned after a six week jolly around most of Western Europe. Best news of all was that Duncan Tarran had checked both team sheets, not just the 2nd XI, and realised he had made it to the 1st XI again. This time he turned up!

The toss was won, and Rocket Rendu chose to bat. The stage was set, but the stalls were empty as the game began, perhaps aware that Bomber Graham was on babysitting duties. Arguments raged in the pavilion about who should open with Aussie Parker - finally Dessaur strode to the crease and fully justified his selection to take on the new ball. Things at the other end were not going so well. Parker began a stream of LBWs, and soon the Millers were in trouble at 40-3. However, the opposition were soon singing a tribute to the Rocket Man. “I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time (in the field)” they sang as the long-haired skipper smashed the attack. Worse was to follow, for in the Village Hall the Keyworth Voice Choir began singing their operatic hearts out. The Millers seem to revel in a musical backdrop - who can forget Nelly’s Brass Band at Long Eaton, or the Drum & Bass inspiration at West Bridgfordians? Dessaur’s aria ended after a tuneful 61 – exit stage right. Enter stage left the baritone Meek to the “Batting Opera”, who hit a thunderous 108 off an estimated 65 balls, including three consecutive sixes into the houses. Rendu had to play second fiddle, but eventually saw up his own hundred after a chanceless knock – a punched six to the pavilion the highlight in a fine 119. The pair put on 178, including 12 sixes and more missing balls than a group of sopranos. Collison and Baker, like Domingo and Pavarotti, came in with an over to spare, and finished the innings with a crescendo - 337-6 saw the crowd give a standing ovation.

Despite panic earlier in the day about the tea rota, it was Jean’s turn in the hut, and she put on a masterful spread. The boys gorged themselves on wraps, cakes, and onion bhajis. Some threatened to lock themselves in, with Strong particularly eager to decline his bowling duties.

The Millers finally squeezed themselves out of the pavilion door and took the field. The Attenborough opener accused Jean of “dirty tricks” as he sleepily took guard after enjoying her catering. Strong struck in his first over, but tea then hit home as the heavy footed fielders orchestrated their worst display of the season. Collison and Dessaur dived over a couple of fours, Tarran was nutmegged on the boundary, and Baker let a regulation gully catch slip through his mayonnaise covered fingers. Inspiration was required, and came from Strong, who “clipped” a straight drive back on to the non-striker’s stumps with his size 14s. Strongy only wears size 10s, but the umpire thought otherwise, and the batsman was sent chuntering back to the hutch to rearrange the showers. Some lusty blows from the middle order gave Attenborough hope, but Baker bowled a fine yorker to make up for his earlier dropped catch, albeit 61 runs later. The game was drifting to a draw, but Baker tempted their other quality player into a caught and bowled. An LBW, and a nick to slip in consecutive balls put him on another hat-trick. Despite missing out, Luciano Baker finished with 6-64 – a great performance on a featherbed of a wicket. By now the Fat Lady was singing in the Village Hall, and the Fat Lad came on to bowl. Dessaur failed to pitch one, but finally bowled the last man, and the Millers snatched a win as the Curtain of Nightfall came down.

MOM : Luciano Baker, with rousing applause for Jose Meek and Placido Rendu
TFC : Geoff Tindsley

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 2, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rocket Rendu 1

Saturday Teamsheets

1st XI Home to Attenborough 2nd XI
Please be at the Ground at 1.00pm. for a 1.45pm start

C. Ladd, S. Bradley TBC but doubtful), W. Dessaur, G. Tindsley, D. Garland, D. Collison, R. Baker, S. Rendu *, G. Parker, S. Meek, D. Strong, D Tarran

2nd XI AWAY to Balderton 2nd XI
Please meet at Buzz 12.30 or at the Ground for 1.15

A Ball, R Drury, M Burton, E Lay, P Lay, R Beake, A Cowlard, M Ward, C Legge, J Beeton, P Hardy

Fundraiser Update

You'll remember we set ourselves the challenge of raising £1,000 from our events this year to pay for our bowling machine.

Click Here To View Fundraiser Update

A Family Affair

The Millers and a good travelling support rolled up at the former Notts Police ground to take on the West Indian Caribs. This was a local fixture for Parker & Ladd, who saved on petrol money for once, whilst the rest of the team paid the North of the River tax. Elliott again stepped up to the team at the eleventh hour, whilst Rob “The Butcher” Beake dusted down his keeping kit for the first time in two years. An illness to Lady P left Baker unable to travel, and the Millers were down to 10. Unsurprisingly then, the Caribs captain won the toss and decided to field!

Parker and Graham opened up, with Bomber dollying up the first two balls of the game, but no fielder was on hand to catch them. Parker then committed the ultimate cricketing sin. Girlfriend Helen wandered into the ground, and the Australian could barely contain his excitement as it had been a full hour since he’d last seen her. A series of waves and blown kisses from the Aussie opener ensued, with little recognition from Helen who was more interested in Ted’s story about how he had once met an Australian! Unable to concentrate, Parker got out quickly to re-unite himself with Helen before Ted could list out all the nationalities he’d met over the years. As punishment, Grant’s personal run tally of 20 was put in the book as 15.

Laddy went in and yet again anchored the innings. Showing his experience, he failed to acknowledge his girlfriend’s appearance at the ground, although Vicky was soon off as the prospect of her deli sandwich won out over watching her man. Graham was finally out for 97, and Tindsley Jnr missed a straight one to be plum LBW. Enter Rocket Rendu, who hit a quickfire 66 to accelerate the innings. Meanwhile Laddy was going through the wars. His first wrap on the gloves had him shaking his hand in pain, albeit the wrong hand. A top edge into his chin had blood spilt on his shirt, and the second wack on the hands left him with a battered finger bigger than in a Captain Birds Eye factory. In the final overs, Meek was run out when in by a mile, Elliott departed for a golden, and Dave Strong protected his average, despite Beake’s best efforts to run him out with the last ball of the innings. 291-7 was above par.

Despite most of the 2nd XI appearing to watch some overs, it was not until tea that Rendu finally got his eleventh man. Former KCC captain Tindsley Snr was the saviour, donning a Scumtree shirt and becoming our eleventh fielder.

In reply, Rendu removed the top order, and the Caribs were never in it. Graham replaced Ladd at first slip, and declined to catch several edges that came his way. Tindsley Snr rolled back the years in the covers with a series of fine stops, showing up his son who turned slower than the Exxon Valdez oil tanker.

Tuckwell caught a steepler at long on with three fingers, having decided after a few minutes to go for the catch, whilst Elliott dropped a sitter at gully. A late waggle by the Caribs tail dragged out the result, with one tail-ender getting 60 having gloved one behind and refusing to walk. An apology was forthcoming a couple of overs later, but that was little consolation for Rendu who missed out on a five wicket haul. Meek returned to polish things off, with Laddy bravely ignoring the agony of his bust finger to hold a fierce drive at long on to wrap up the game.

Success was toasted with some speed drinking at The Chestnut Tree with the Carib boys who were on heat, and a tour of West Bridgford, with Strongy’s girlfriend Michelle being the highlight, and an undercooked kebab the lowlight.

MOM : Steve “Rocket” Rendu, with a “Big Up” to Tindsley Snr
TFC : Ted Elliott

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 1, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rocket Rendu 1

News Round Up

Here's a round up of the latest KCC news

Click Here To View July Newsletter

Saturday Team

1st Team v West Indian Caribs
(Only 1 game this week as it's Keyworth Show)

Away at Esher Grove, Carrington

Please Meet at the Ground: 1.00pm. for a 1.45pm start inform Steve Rendu or Ted only if you are unavailable

C.Ladd, I.Graham, S.Bradley, G.Tindsley, P. Lay +, R.Baker, S.Rendu*, G.Parker, S.Tuckwell, S.Meek, D.Strong

Millers lose out in University Challenge

Similar to England’s tale of woe, it was felt that Keyworth had the squad of players to go all the way in the Cup this year, but lost out to Clifton 2’s in a tense match played at the Trent University campus in sweltering conditions.

Stand-in skipper & new dad Rob Baker won the toss and elected to bat on a featherbed, his team talk outlined a target of 250. Grant was out relatively cheaply cutting on to his stumps whilst Ian Graham customarily hit 8 4’s on his way to 38. Laddy (who kept finding a fielder with every shot he middled… apparently his 16 was worth at least 50 on another day…) and Emma gave the Clifton fielders catching practice as Keyworth slumped to 85-4 after a reasonable start.

Geoff Tinsley came back into the side this weekend after a long-term injury, and the postman duly delivered as he and Stuart Meek (36) steadied the ship in the middle order. Geoff was timing the ball superbly and his 50 seemed to come up in little time. Ably supported by the tail, Geoff was finally out run out off the last ball for 72 – a great knock, and selfless too as he could have settled for a red-inker.

244 all out in the allotted 45 overs at the break was just what the skipper ordered. Tea was a reasonable effort, chicken drumsticks the highlight.

Missing their 2 opening bowlers, Keyworth opened up with some aggressive stuff from Aussie Grant, and some wobblers from Meeky’s left arm. After a couple of looseners Grant adjusted his radar and had their opener caught in the first over by Laddy in the slips. However, the second wicket pairing batted well and dispatched the bad ball with ease and steadily made their way to a 100 partnership, offering only one chance to Laddy at slip off Meeky.

Strongy came on to bowl, looking like he’d had a really rough weekend sporting a nice growth of facial hair, and took two wickets with good catches from Emma and Laddy.

Meeky managed to out-fox one batsman to affect a cheeky run-out. After an easy single Meeky kept hold of the ball rather than throwing it in, tempting the batsman to take on his arm. The batsman set off only to be sent back and Stuart arrowed a throw in to the bowlers end with Andy Cowlard keeping his cool to take off the bails leaving the batsman red faced.

However, Clifton managed to not let the run rate creep much above 7 an over, and tellingly kept wickets in hand. With AC, Tinno and Emma going for 69 in their combined 7 overs the finishing line was in sight, although 8 wickets were down. Another wicket could’ve made all the difference with their No.11 apparently needing a runner, but it was not to be and the winning runs came in the 43rd over.

MOM: Tinno
TFC: AC

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 1, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Tinno 1

Stiffs Wilt to Willoughby

The World Cup meant another early morning start for the Stiffs, and a 36 over thrash, for the visit of fellow Keyworth rivals Willoughby.

Fantasy League transfer hotlines everywhere were jammed with news that Star All Rounder Ball was making his first home appearance of the season for the Stiffs.

Elsewhere, Dimps was in fine form giving Drurs, and anyone else who’d listen, earache about recent reports of his fielding on these pages, moaning only slighty less than Nikki off Big Brother.

Skipper Cowlard had sensibly opted for an early night to make sure the coin was the only thing spinning at the toss. As usual it was lost and we fielded, on the same belting pitch used by the Firsts the previous week. Cowlard bowled well early, but was hampered by our slip cordon taking positions two-thirds of the way to the bottom boundary. Neither Benji or Jon ‘The Adonis’ Beeton could find a rhythm, and the visitors raced to 50 without loss off the first 10 overs. Benji chipped a nail spilling, by his standards, a sitter, and we needed inspiration.

The stage was set for Leggy, a year to the day of his magical 7 wicket haul. And it was like Groundhog Day as Boss Hogg rattled through the top order to rock the visitors back to 75-4.

But this was a day when accuracy was at a premium, so 13 wides and a platter of full bungers were lapped up by the Willoughby middle order.

Murali Burton couldn’t repeat his heroics of the previous week, so Cowlard finally responded to the crowd’s baying, introducing the clown prince of KCC to the attack. And Bally didn’t disappoint serving up a mixture of unplayable balls and complete filth, taking four wickets, bowling five wides and leaking four boundaries in the space of 15 balls. It could have been a jug if Leggy hadn’t spilled a sitter at deep square leg. Leggy returned to complete a nap hand, finishing with figures of 5-48 off 9 overs. Bally was in 20/20 mode with figures of 4-32 off 4 overs. Cowlard conceded just 34 off his 9 overs.

Willoughby made 199 all out off their 36 overs, a very decent score. We could only dream about the Lay’s late lunch, fresh melon and all, as a quick 10 minute turnaround meant we were soon back under the blazing sun.

For a change, Cowlard had no need to pace the boundary as Drurs and Ern’ set off at a rapid rate reaching 50 in 9 overs. We reached 87 without alarm when Ernie tried one lofted drive too many and went for 36. Butch played a carbon copy and went for 7.

The visitors sensibly introduced spin at both ends and our numbers four and five were at sixes and sevens. Cowlard got a leading edge to a trademark cross-batted slog, and Ball was caught plum in front on the second revolution of a triple salco. It was then a procession as Top Man, Benji and Lay Jnr tried, unsuccessfully, to slog their way out of trouble.

Meanwhile Drurs at the other end was just looking for some company. On 99, Drury took a leaf out of Rocket’s book and played a dreadful reverse sweep, for the one and hopefully only time in his career, but happily survived, reaching three figures the next ball. We were always up against it needing 10 an over for the last four and 15 off the last, ending up seven short on 192-8. Drurs finished unbeaten and knackered on 114.

MOM: Drurs
MOM in running: Benji 2, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 1

Millers Grind Out Another Win

Newark was bathed in roasting sunshine, as World Cup fever gripped the town. However, about thirty people decided to congregate for a cricket match instead, and the Millers were the visitors.
Rocket headed out for the toss, where the following conversation allegedly took place...

“Tails” says Rocket, as the toin is thrown up.
“Heads it is. What do you want to do?” responds the Newark captain.
“But you won the toss, so it’s your choice!” replies an incredulous Rocket.
“Oh yes, so we have. We’ll bat of course, and make your boys labour in the field in this heat”.

Delighted with this news, the Millers took the field – all nine of us. Big Daddy Baker had overdone wetting the baby’s head, but blamed the traffic, whilst Duncan Disorderly put in a no-show. Rumours spread that his romancing in The Key / Buzz some weeks earlier had paid dividends, and he’d not left his bedroom since.

Garland donned the gloves, but soon regretted it, as the ball spat more times than Voller and Rijkgaard. It was Slo-Mo Strong who made early inroads with his usual wicket taking filth. Senior spinner Graham showed his full array on the crap wicket, including two bouncers off a good length. He also made time for his customary debate with the umpire on the finer points of the LBW rule.

In the heat, the Millers were bouyed firstly by the appearance of the Newark masseuse, who was giving professional rubdowns on the boundary. However she packed up her kit before any Millers could pull their groins, although several were seen warming their hands in their pockets in the 30 degree heat. Things got even better when Ted Elliott appeared as our knight in shining armour to take the fielding side to 11. Failing to find a trusty white steed, Ted had travelled to the ground in his trusty white van - better suited to take the heavy load. He soon snaffled a fine catch, and chucked two more away. Geoff The Postman Tindsley followed Ted’s lead, but without the fine catch, as he firstly refused to catch one that nearly hit him on the head as he turned to chase it down, and then let go of a dolly having held it for about five minutes. However a professional performance restricted the Newark score to 147-9 at tea.

Tea was expected to be a fine affair, as Little Miss Muffett had been spotted coming out of the pavilion, resplendent in white pinny. However, the promise of curds of whey, became curds of woe, as tea, alongside England’s footy performance, left the Millers and Hanson in depressed mood.

In reply, the headline grabbing opening pair strode out. Graham was in usual fine fettle, scoring a rapid 47, but Parker soon departed to yet another interesting LBW. Despite the shabby treatment by his captain, who had dropped him to No3, and with sledging ringing in his ears from one particular Newark bowler, Laddy just did what he does best, and scored runs – 37 not out off 220 balls.

Meek talked his way up the order, as he needed to rush off to a wedding reception. Half an hour later, he was still nudging singles. Refusing to throw his wicket, he finally took a suicidal second run, and promptly blamed Laddy. His lengthy spell at the crease meant Meeky was more likely to see the wedding conception than any of the reception.
It was left to the specialist finisher Royal Birk (Dale) to see us home, leaving Laddy stranded when set fair for a ton. Another 20 points in the bag.

MOM : Bomber Graham
TFC : Geoff “The Postman” Tindsley
MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 1, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1

Bouncing Baby Baker

Congratulations to Rob and Paula on the birth of Olivia Emma Baker at 7.38 on Friday morning. All are in good health and Olivia is already taking after her father, drinking straight from the bottle.


Rob and Paula thank everyone for their kind texts, emails and messages.

At the all important weigh in, Olivia tipped the scales at 8lb 12oz. The lucky winner of our Guess the Baby's Weight Competition was Boss Hogg himself, Chris Legge, who wins £100.

Thanks to Rob and Paula for being good sports allowing us to raise £96 for the Bowling Machine Fund.