Rain Stops Play

More dismal weather washes out Saturday and Sunday fixtures.

Before The Watershed

Some photos from a bygone age, before the Field of Dreams was turned into a boating lake. Well from two weeks ago anyway when the Stiffs played Belton. Thanks to John Beeton's Adonis Photography for all the shots.

Back L to R: Boss Hogg (ump), XX Dale, Judy Garland, One-Brings-Two, Tuckers, Cabbage Head, The Sheriff, Boom Boom (poorly)
Front L to R: Drurs, Potty, Electic (stand-in skip), The Corporal, Top Man

Has anyone seen Top Man's shoes? Same thief that stole Sheriff's prize Y-fronts maybe?

And so onto the action and the scandal now referred to as 'Sheriff-gate'. Exhibit A m'lud, the said Belton no.8 is clearly plum in front........

Exhibit B m'lud, the no.8 triggered by his own umpire, stands aghast at the decision, only for the Sheriff to order him on his way..........

Meanwhile more muted celebrations from Liam to wrap up the innings.........

In reply, a sight rarer than sunshine in June, Drurs hitting a boundary..........


At the other end, Potty sends his watching fan club to sleep with another immaculate forward defensive that just about rolls off the strip.........

DG disproves the theory that F = M x A, mis-timing another...........

With victory and maximum batting points in sight, Wensley does the sensible thing and settles instead for a red-inker..........

Stiff opposition at Lambley

The Keyworth 2nd XI finally managed to get a game in against all the weather forecasters predictions. The KCC 1st XI were called off in the morning, with unconfirmed reports of the Vice Captain having one eye on improving on his best ever round achieved earlier in the week rather than taking to the sodden Field of Dreams…

The captains agreed to play on the artificial strip and a reduced 40 over format.

Stand in skipper Andy Cowlard won the toss and elected to field, with the Keyworth opening batsmen itching to get their pads on. Rain was forecast for later in the afternoon, so the only way Keyworth were going to win was to bowl Lambley out cheaply and knock off the runs before the heavens opened (well that was the plan!)

The Lambley opening pair rode their luck with numerous half chances not going to hand and regulation catches dropped in the sleepy Keyworth field. AC was unable to find his normal length, and 4’s came easily on the small ground. Dave Hiller bowled well at the other end, but to no avail.

Dave Garland was brought on to buy a wicket and did so in his first over, with the Lambley opener trying to cut the off-spinner through gully. DG could have had another wicket 2 balls later with the new bat edging behind, but Young Ern’ couldn’t hold on. The other opening bat was causing much consternation in the Millers ranks by chipping the ball with regular frequency just past or over fielders fingers. After Liam Elliot had a few costly overs, Ted was brought on to try to stem the flow of runs. Boom Boom had their opener ‘caught’ on the boundary by AC (at the 5th attempt), but the home crowd called foul claiming he had stepped over the non-existent line. Tuckers also dropped one in the deep, with the ball thudding into his chest after passing through his hands.

Fresh from earning ‘man of the series’ against the West Indies, the Millers were surprised to see look-alike and name-alike VJ Panesar striding to the wicket with 4 overs left. Leggy’s cry of “this lad can bat as well” left a demoralised Ted shaking his head saying, “with 215 on the board I don’t think it really matters!”

The Lambley innings ended at 233-4 in 40 overs with the opener eventually out for 114 (on about his 10th life!)

Tea was reportedly “worse than Wilson’s”. The home side were overheard saying, “that’s posh” on seeing the culinary delight of bags of Walkers crisps. The highlight, cakes that Stuart Meek brought and managed to cut with his bare hands – amazing what you learn in the Far East!

The Stiffs were without regular opening batsman Richard Drury who had been called up to the firsts, with Benji and Potty sunning themselves in Malaga.

The stand-in opening pair of Dale Collison and Dave Garland took to the wicket, knowing that if one of them could bat 40 overs, the match was in the bag. The plan worked for the first 20 overs, with the pair putting way the bad ball and managing to see off the opening bowler who had been drafted in from the Lambley 1st XI. At 98-0 off 20, the platform had been made without any real chances being offered. The duo’s only indiscretion was a near run out mix up, with Wensley edging along the ground to 2nd slip. DG was certain of a quick single, and shouted ‘Yes!’ Dale obliged as the ball was fumbled only to get a few steps out of the crease to hear the dreaded ‘No!’ All of a sudden both batsmen were ‘in’ at the strikers end, with the wicket keeper demolishing the stumps in the process. Wensley quickly set off and safely made it in at the other end - real Keystone Cops stuff!

Dave Garland was out just prior to the drinks break in the 21st over, with a jug avoiding 45. One notable strike of his innings was the straight 6 that got double points by bouncing into the path of a passing motorbike.

Matt Burton came to the wicket and ignored DC’s advice of getting used to the pace and bounce of the wicket by quickly blazing a massive 6 over deep mid wicket. Unfortunately Top Man didn’t hand around and was soon bowled whilst trying to repeat the shot. Dale was still finding the boundary to keep the scoreboard ticking along, with one four clattering into the crowd, popping open a bag of crisps in the process much to the delight of Meeky who loves his cheese & onion.

Andy Cowlard also showed his intent by trying to hit every ball out of the ground. As required run rate started to creep up past 7.5 an over, Dale was caught at deep mid off for 62, after not quite middling the slow off spinner. The wicket did not alter AC’s approach, and unfortunately he was caught the very next ball by the same fielder.

The remaining batsmen gave it their all to keep up with the run rate, seeing some great hits by Dave Hiller, with Simon Tuckwell repeating his Twenty20 form by smacking a quick fire 23 that included three huge 6’s.

Despite the late rally, Keyworth were all out in the last over for 213 with the 1st XI opening bowler coming back on to clear up the tail.

The defeat and other results leave the Millers 3rd in the table. The Stiffs face table toppers Thrumpton at home next week.

MOM – Dale Collison

MOM in running: Jean 1, Potty 1, BJ 1, Sheriff 2, Murali 1, Dangerous 1, Drurs 1, Wensley 1

Tour Meeting 27th June

With the SUFFOLK TOUR 2007 getting ever closer, a meeting has been arranged for next Wednesday at Buzz Fitness to confirm the final arrangements. Meet at 7.45pm for an 8pm start.

If there is anyone else who is interested in coming on Tour, please come along to the meeting for full details.

Wash Out

No signs of global warming in NG12. Heavy rain put paid to the whole programme of Golf Day, both Saturday League matches and Leggy's Sunday stroll.

Hopefully better luck next week.

Laddy's New Hands

After much grasping at thin air, your Committee have sanctioned the purchase of a new catching aid for our Billy Smart-fingered slip fielders.

Something For The Weekend

Last weekend must rank as one of the best in the Club's history. Having both teams top of their Divisions is just fantastic and long may it continue.

And this week sees two more mouth-watering events:

This Friday sees the third KCC Golf Day with 12 teams competing over the Stanton-on-the-Wolds links. This year's event is very kindly sponsored by Rob Clegg Builders.

Sunday sees our first fixture for Leggy's Sunday Strollers. We have fantastic depth in our current playing squad, so our Sunday matches are aimed at giving everyone a regular game. We're lucky to be playing at the beautiful Colston Bassett ground. Start time is 2.30. It would be great to see plenty of travelling support for what will hopefully be the first of many enjoyable away trips.

Fabulous Baker Boy

Table-toppers Keyworth flew to Gotham (City) for Saturday’s Division 1B clash. It was so hot that the locals expected to see the Caped Crusader appear in just his underpants, but neither Batman nor Robin were spotted in the South Notts countryside. A shake-up at selection saw Tony Spence replacing Dale, and Dring in for Garland. Dave Hiller got a late nod, as Strongy was recovering from the birth of his son, and future KCC fast bowler.

Baker & Ladd were the first to face the fines committee, due to a delayed TV aerial delivery to Ladd Towers. News that the Millers were inserted was great news for Baker, especially as he had spotted the Pukka Pie & Chip shop at the entrance to the ground.

Ladd rushed from car to middle, opening up with Parker in the absence of Ian Graham, still touting his wares to desperate County sides. The first over saw Ladd serenely get to 8*, with two nicks through the slip cordon. However, the pair neared a fifty partnership before Ladd was triggered. Clearly Laddy had not broken sweat, as the tea ladies assumed he was after a lager rather than water when he sought refreshment from his lengthy innings. DJ Tony Spence was demoted to the first team after a week of sun (and not much else) in Corfu. The big lad played well until missing a straight one, which saw Tindsley drag himself to the wicket after a 10km run that morning – a schoolboy error. He and Parker pushed the Millers score on, but Parker fell on 53, LBW. As normal, Geoff played well whilst others came and went. Dougie broke his “run-out” curse, skying a dolly to mid-off, and Dring chipped one to mid-wicket – a harsh dismissal given his commitment to nets! Meek made his 2007 League debut with a typical swashbuckling / jammy (delete as appropriate) 30, with a couple of sixes and three consecutive dropped catches. Rendu looked in better touch than of late (not difficult), and Baker ran three consecutive twos to leave him almost as red-faced as when falling mid-wicket whilst trying to complete an easy single. “Did he fall going for a quick second”, asked his optimistic Father! 210-9 at tea was a good score on a big outfield.

Despite the heat, the Gotham tea ladies catered for the whole of Gotham City, with Strawberry Flan & Cream the highlight.

A rallying speech from Rendu was ignored by the skipper himself as he bowled a load of dross in reply. However, Andy Hiller got an early breakthrough, but that was it as Gotham rattled to 90-1 off 18 overs, and looked well set. Talking of well-set, the heaviest bowling duo in League History came to the Millers’ rescue. Meek bowled his dibbly-dobblers and claimed two wickets, whilst Baker sensed his chance at the other end. Ladd/Dring proved an effective duo getting a run-out as the Gotham Youth Policy assumed that neither could field. However it was Baker who bowled beautifully to rip through the Gotham middle-order. A nick to slip was to see Baker claim his fifth wicket, but Laddy feared the big spinner droning on all the way home, so spilled the chance, only to complete a run-out as the non-striker called a suicidal single. However Baker was not to be denied, and rapped up the innings with his fifth wicket. Unfortunately, the League Reporter Phil Johnson was umpiring at Baker’s end, and so the team trooped off fearing a lengthy report on Baker’s achievements – let’s hope there isn’t a photo too, or it will need a double page spread!

Twenty points, and still top.

MOM : Rob Baker
TFC : Dave Hiller
MOM Total - Ian Graham 1, Andy Hiller 1, Grant Parker 1, Dave Strong 1, Bobby Baker 1

Seconds Go First

A fifth win on the spin over second placed Belton put the Stiffs top of the table.

A strong squad saw First team heartthrobs Collison and Garland available for the Stiffs, ensuring the WAGs count was easily into high single figures. Dangerous Dave Hiller had a late call up to the Firsts so Tuckers was drafted in.

The Field of Dreams looked a picture in the June sunshine with hardly a breath of breeze. HMS Collison struggled to make it out of port, really needing a second sail, sadly the Sheriff’s prize underwear remain on the wanted list.

Pre-match banter mostly concerned AC’s forthcoming visit to the tattoo parlour to be branded with a latin transcript.
"Did you do latin at school AC?" asked Drurs.
"You must be joking, I struggled with English!" replied AC.
"Make sure it says ‘don’t slog’" chipped in Leggy, quick as a flash.
With that, Leggy donned the umpires white jacket, turning down the offer of a white stick by Cowlard, more concerned that he hadn’t packed any Savlon to deal with his troublesome Johnny Giles’s.

Ted was fit only to score and stand-in skipper Cowlard confessed he had no idea what to do if winning the toss, but the chances of that happening were remote. It was no surprise to see us put into the field, news more unpopular than the Olympic 2012 logo.

Opening up Cowlard and Liam bowled like Plunkett and Harmo: completely unplayable but rarely on the stumps. Slowly Liam got the hang of the banana swing and made the early breakthrough. AC followed next over with a beauty. At 34-2 off 14 overs we were on top. Liam took his cap and jumper (in 25 degrees heat!) with remarkable figures of 1-1 off 7 overs with 5 consecutive maidens. For Paul Lay behind the sticks, one-brings-two was more about bruises than wickets as the byes and wides count was already into double figures.

The strong sun was clearly getting to our season ticket holders. The Sheriff induced a top edged slog that Drurs took comfortably after an initial startled look. However Glassback was more than happy for it to be described as a ‘great catch’ by the ladies at the drinks break!

Pumped up by the e-numbers in the orange squash, XX Dale came roaring in down the hill, bowling what felt like 18 consecutive full tosses.

We needed another breakthrough so Cowlard turned to Murali Burton. However it looked like the yips had returned as Murali tossed down a 10 ball over, one ball pitching on the adjacent strip. Still a wicket wasn’t far away as Matt finally got one straight, and the loudest appeal in village cricket wasn’t really necessary, as Leggy had his finger up on the ‘huh’ of Howzat.

Ground fielding throughout was excellent: Benji, Tuckers and Liam throwing themselves to all parts. But the best was still to come as Potty made a tumbling stop at extra cover, then throwing off his knees to run out the non striker. Catching was a bit more patchy. Cowlard and Benji made low chances into half volleys, while Dave G had clearly spent too long standing next to Laddy, grasping at thin air to a routine edge to slip. Big Dave had the last laugh though, turning his arm over for a couple of rounds of flighted filth, getting a clean bowled.

The Sheriff blotted his copybook, and would later be up in front of the fines committee, for anger management, after a frank exchange of views with the Belton no.8. Dave ushered the batsman back to the pavilion after a routine leg before, and was accused of gloating. All manner of hand signals followed, and Ted in the scorers’ gazebo had his ears bent for the next 15 minutes.

Liam returned to claim two wickets to finish with splendid figures of 3-14 off 9.3 overs. Sheriff was again miserly with 2-28 off 12, AC took 2-39 off 9. 143 all out was an excellent effort.

Tea courtesy of Cath was a banquet. Potty clearly approved of his mother’s home cooking, piling about six layers onto his plate, forgetting that he had to go and open. Among the many highlights were fresh raspberries and made-to-order egg sandwiches.

In reply we got off to a good start. Drurs had been in worse nick than Strauss so was delighted to get a few full bungers from the left arm spinner. We raced to 50 off 13 overs, Potty outscored 10:1 by his veteran opening partner, much to the delight of the senior pros in the scoring tent.

We reached 85 against the best bowling attack we’d faced for a long time, and poor Potty copped half a dozen painful blows on the foot, the final one diverting unluckily onto the stumps for a battling 32.

BJ strode in confidently but the Corporal didn’t last long, caught and bowled, playing too early. Dave G played scratchily, though his own description of the innings couldn’t be printed here. A fine leg cutter saw him caught behind for 6 off what seemed like 60 balls!

In came Dale with us needing 5 of the 35th over to gain maximum batting points, and sensibly patted back two forward defensive strokes. Drurs followed his partner’s example preferring a red-inker over a batting point and we comfortably reached the target in the next over.

Dale was 1 not out, Drurs unbeaten on 85 with 15 boundaries. A fine win: 19 points sees us top of the table.

MOM: Drurs

MOM in running: Jean 1, Potty 1, BJ 1, Sheriff 2, Murali 1, Dangerous 1, Drurs 1

Millers to concentrate on the League

The torrential rain arrived half an hour late to save Keyworth from a defeat at the hands of Div A side Eastwood Town.

Keyworth were off to a great start and were 101-1 with Chris Ladd (34) and Grant Parker (53) opening up. Dale Collison (12) again missed an opportunity to get some runs under his belt, falling C&B for the 2nd day in a row.
Geoff Tindsley got a golden duck, falling to an in-swinging yorker from 15-year-old prospect Jack Wyer (5-14-4).

The Keyworth batsmen contributed to their own downfall and disappointingly collapsed to 134 all out in the 43rd over. Doug Bayford confirmed that he is the unluckiest batsman in the club, falling run out (again!) after the bowler deflected a firmly stuck Stuart Meek drive on to the non-strikers stumps.

Eastwood knocked off the required runs in 33 overs for 3 wickets, with a series of dropped catches and chances dropping in-between fielders meaning that Keyworth’s name would not be on the Cup this year.

Strong performance provides win

It was back to winning ways for the Millers in glorious conditions at the Field of Dreams. The sun brought out a bumper crowd, including a very high WAG count and some scantily clad, nubile teenage girls who ensured that all eyes wouldn’t be on the cricket.

Skipper Rendu was running a ‘little late’ whilst busy on work duty in the morning, so it again fell to Rob Baker to lose the toss, seeing the Collingham skipper stick the Millers in on a good looking track. Suited Steve eventually arrived 2 ½ hours late, setting a new record in the process.

Ian Graham and Chris Ladd (61) got the home side off to a very good start, with Iggy launching 2 massive sixes on the way to his 38. Laddy rode his luck, and survived 2 dropped catches before impressively reaching 50 with a classic cover drive for four.

Grant Parker, looking increasingly in good nick this year, hit a few lusty blows, but was caught on the boundary whilst only on 11.

Dale Collison, up the order to 5, couldn’t capitalise on his promotion and fell to a tame C&B for 6. Doug Bayford was run out (again), and Bobby Baker was also run out after Geoff Tindsley thought better of a second run. Bobby was adamant that there was always two runs on, and took out his frustration on an innocent plastic cup, which he sent flying as he walked off the field. Unfortunately the cup was full of water, and Ian Graham and son Lewis were in the firing line; a bit of a “D’Oh” moment for Homer Baker.
The remaining batsmen supported the again not out Geoff Tindsley who was left on 47 (jug avoidance once more), getting Keyworth to 201-7 in their 48 overs.

Tea was a delightful spread laid on by Jean, with the obligatory Onion Bhajis, wraps and scones with jam, cream and double strawberries being the highlights.

The Collingham reply was slow and steady, with a dropped catch from Geoff Tindsley in the gully denying the skipper an early breakthrough. The first wicket came in the 13th over after sustained pressure from the Miller’s opening pair. 200 looked increasing like a good score, and wickets continued to fall at regular intervals thereafter.

Dave Strong was brought on first change to replace Andy Hiller from the bottom end and quickly started to swing the ball like a banana. Strongy’s deliveries were doing far too much for the Collingham batsmen and returned impressive figures of 5 for 18 off his 9 overs. Rob Baker replaced Rendu down the hill and his tasty pies picked up 4 wickets with good catches from Andy Hiller (2) and Wensley-Dale Collison

Dave Garland was having a bad day at the office behind the stumps with two dropped chances and a missed stumping off Bobby Baker. One of the lowlights of the fielding display was the lewd act allegedly performed by Ian Graham on Chris Ladd in the hedge whilst retrieving the ball. Laddy was laid on his back, legs akimbo, keeping the branches apart while IG on all fours put his head between Chris’s legs, reaching in for the ball(s).

One humorous dropped catch came from Rob Baker’s bowling when the batsman skied one, which seemed to be down the throat of Andy Hiller at deep mid-on. But Rob had other ideas and shouted for Dougie to run round from deep mid-wicket. The Aussie, new to the Field of Dreams, was running like a demented spaniel, and kept losing his footing on the undulating outfield culminating in a last second swan-dive to miss the ball by a good ten yards.

The Collingham tail shut up shop, but were unable to stop the inevitable and their innings closed on 132 in the 44th over.

A workmanlike performance delivered 20 points, taking Keyworth to the top of 1B.


MOM – Dave Strong
TFC – Dave Garland

MOM Total - Ian Graham 1, Andy Hiller 1, Grant Parker 1, Dave Strong 1

Stiffs Won't Lay Down

A comfortable win for the Stiffs after a sticky start away to Caythorpe.

Team news saw Boss Hogg, Liam, One-Gets-Two and Duncan Disorderly replace Aussie-pro Doug, DJ Vespa, Benji and Top Man. John ‘The Adonis’ Beeton kindly agreed to take the white coat and stand at one end of the oche.

Ted continued his one man quest to prove that the chances of calling correctly are far from the 50/50 described in most text books. We were inserted on a green deck still recovering from being under water on Thursday.

After early sparring Drurs was undone by a classic 1-2. First a head high beamer that landed in the keeper’s gloves on the full, followed by a half tracker that cut back a foot to hit the top of leg. Cosmic. Ernie rolled back the years with a few elegant dabs but then ran himself out for 9.

Ted and Potty dug in literally at the crease and settled the early nerves. Liam had such confidence in the batting that he helped himself to a bottle of Bud’ from the season ticket holders’ cool box, but was quickly grassed up to the fines’ committee!

Faced with paper boys bowling at 10 mph on a pudding, Ted eventually lost patience, and was stumped for 8. This brought in Andy ‘The Cat’ Cowlard. Dropped three times in his first five balls, AC clearly felt this was his day, but luck ran out on 18. When Potty was out for 21 and the Sheriff caught behind for 2 we were in a hole at 80-6.

After Dave Hiller’s schoolboy errors in the scorebook last week, Duncan hadn’t needed asking twice to sharpen his pencil. This of course had nothing to do with Caythorpe’s young trainee scoregirl, who sensibly listened to her i-pod for 30 overs to drown out Dunc’s small talk.

Meanwhile Paul Lay was scampering away determined not to get out: the prospect of an afternoon talking to his future in-laws clearly in the front of his mind. And he found a willing partner in the Liam, loose as a goose after his early lagers. Both played very sensibly to nods of approvals from the senior pros:
Drurs to Ted: “Liam’s batting well today”
Ted to Drurs: “Yes, he batted really well in nets on Wednesday night”
So no surprise when next ball a forward defensive unluckily looped to short cover and Liam was out for a fine 18, his usual pad-whacking drowned out by applause from the travelling KCC support.

This alerted Leggy to start warming up, albeit too vigorously. Sheriff Hallam was soon fearing the worst for club finances as Leggy demolished part of the picket fence from a calf stretch, right in front of the home groundsman.

Dave Hiller saw what was left to come and hung around for a valuable 15. Finally Leggy came to the crease, needing 7 from the last over for an extra bonus point, and played a stout forward defensive first ball to hoots of derision from the pavilion. Paul got him off strike, but then disaster. The Boss started backing up as soon as the bowler started his run up and was left stranded mid wicket as Paul could only pat the ball back. Leggy returned to be greeted with a hammer and nails, leaving Paul unbeaten on a fine 34, boosting us to 155 at tea, much more than looked likely at one stage.

Tea was hampered by plates the size of saucers. Cowlard used all his building experience to balance six layers of sandwiches and cake. Cheese and beetroot sandwiches and flapjack were the stand out items.

In reply our bowling was rampant. Dangerous Dave Hill(i)er was unplayable 1 in 4 and took three quick wickets. And it was all positive at the other end as AC took the fourth, helped by a good sharp catch from Liam. At 13-4 we were well on top.

Then the highlight of the day. A spiralling drive went heading for Leggy at deep mid on - the collective silence was deafening. But the Boss clung on to a fine catch to set off celebrations like we’d won the League. Dave then missed a routine C&B, clearly fearing the cost of buying a jug. At the other end, the Sheriff showed no mercy to the paper boys, quickly taking 3-9.

It really should have been all over by then, but Potty had claimed his first career hat trick of dropped catches, and saw his pocket money for the whole month in grave danger from the fines committee. With 9 down we broke for drinks. Potty was met by his mum: “Lee, shall we just call it a tenner in fines this week?”

Needing to finish things off, Ted played to the gallery by bringing Leggy on. Our hero had told Cowlard in the Buzz earlier: “watch out when I bowl for something special I’ve been working on”. A first ball beamer at the 13 year old jack was perhaps going a bit far. However Leggy almost finished things off going for 25 in two overs!


Normal order was restored as Dangerous returned to clean up middle stump to end with magnificent figures of 5-13 off 9.2 overs. Caythorpe were all out for 90 to give us 18 more points and four wins now on the trot.

MOM: Dangerous Dave Hiller

MOM in running:
Jean 1, Potty 1, BJ 1, Sheriff 2, Murali 1, Dangerous 1