Stiffs Stuffed for Starters
A beautiful day at the Field of Dreams, but a gloomy result.
The day began early with Leggy hell-bent on providing his legion of fans to these reports with plenty of column inches. Already up in the small hours after a dozen bhajis too many at Curry Night, our hero could barely contain his excitement at the start of a new season, turning up at the ground at dawn for an early pitch inspection and to mark out his run up. The rest of the squad rolled up after midday for the visit of Farndon to the Field of Dreams.
HMS Collison was wheeled into position at the bottom end and Dafty was straight onto Rushcliffe Borough Council: most of Church Drive experiencing conditions much like a total solar eclipse from the vast new sightscreen.
Too much excess over the winter proved an embarrassment to new skipper Ted, unable to fit into his new KCC uniform despite ordering Daniel Lambert-size kit. Fortunately Chris Heppers had bought his wide-angle lens for the official team photo.
Ted won the toss and put the opposition in. Cowlard was electric early on taking a wicket in the first over, and another soon after, in a fine spell of 2-18 off 8 overs.
Despite marking his run up with a tape measure, Leggy blamed this for struggling to find his length up the hill, and saw repeated long hops disappear over mid-wicket. This wasn't helped by Liam watching too much TV cricket and trying to flick up a chase to the boundary, only to scoop the ball back over his head! BJ replaced The Boss and soon broke a dangerous partnership, Drurs showing safe hands at mid off.
Farndon's middle order opened their shoulders and the new sightscreen took a direct hit amidships. Things were not helped by Leggy’s comedy act at third man. Distracted by the local schoolgirls sunbathing in the deep, Boss Hogg was drifting in the field like a beach pebble under long-shore drift. A routine thick edge saw our hero out of position and in a vain attempt to save face, only succeeded in half volleying the ball for four, Drogba-style, into the mid-wicket bottom corner.
Dangerous Dave Hiller tried his luck down the hill. Clearly his anger management classes over the winter were just a token effort, as a series of venomous LBW appeals were quite correctly turned down by Cllr. Cottee. Desperate to protect his figures, Dave resorted to one enormous appeal to a ball that glanced off the middle of the bat en-route to fine leg for four, much to the disgust of the tearaway quick. Then much amusement for the bumper crowd, now easily into low double figures, as Bo Duke pulled up lame in his follow through. This proved to be a blessing in disguise as a reduction in pace saw him take a wicket.
Father Ted brought himself on at the bottom end and residents as far away as Walton Drive were reporting earth tremors like those in Dover earlier in the day. However Boom Boom was soon bending it like Beckham to rip out the late order sloggers.
We were now well on top and a fine performance was sealed by the introduction of Liam. He had as much bling in his step as in his ear with a wicket in his first over. In his second he walked back to his mark seemingly ignoring a plum leg before shout: however the ‘LBW’ tattoo on his wrist came in handy to remind him to finally appeal – Cllr. Cottee obliging. A fine return of 3-3 off 3 overs saw Farndon back in the hutch for 116.
Jean had prepared a banquet between innings, among the many highlights were beetroot sandwiches and tiramasu cake.
Weighed down by the monster feast, in reply we were frankly abject. Drurs had been cleaned up many times in nets during the week to low shooters, and was first to go playing over another pea-roller. New boy Potty was like Gower: early elegance followed by a careless waft. Top Man Burton looked good for a while before running himself out, for ultimately the top score of 17.
The rest followed like lemmings. BJ and Bo Duke not helped by awful LBW decisions: Benji middled one onto his pads, while Dave was speechless, standing for a good minute in his crease, for one that pitched on the astroturf and might have gone to hit some stumps placed in the Vicarage garden.
Cowlard had no excuses playing far too early on a straight drive, and DJ Vespa, Ted and Ernie barely troubled the scorers. It was left to Leggy to cap a miserable batting display by running out Liam, comically wearing his thigh pad, village-style, outside of his whites. Liam ruined his MOM chances, storming to the pavilion, failing to acknowledge the fine Farndon bowling display.
All out for 67 was dismal, with no one to blame but ourselves.
WOM: Jean Anderson for a spread fit for a king.
Cowlard had no excuses playing far too early on a straight drive, and DJ Vespa, Ted and Ernie barely troubled the scorers. It was left to Leggy to cap a miserable batting display by running out Liam, comically wearing his thigh pad, village-style, outside of his whites. Liam ruined his MOM chances, storming to the pavilion, failing to acknowledge the fine Farndon bowling display.
All out for 67 was dismal, with no one to blame but ourselves.
WOM: Jean Anderson for a spread fit for a king.
posted by kccblogger @ Sunday, April 29, 2007
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