Horsing around

Last Friday saw the great and the good of Keyworth gather for the KCC Race Night at Buzz Fitness. As usual, Stuart Meek was Master of Ceremonies, whilst we had a new Turf Accountant in place - Vicky Winterburn, a qualified chartered accountant. Feedback from the punters confirmed that she was paying out the winners much quicker than Ted Elliott, who last year did the calculations on his stubby fingers.

Many thanks to all who turned up to support the event, particularly the friends of KCC members. We raised £269 for the club funds, which will prove invaluable as we look for more silverware next year. For your information, most of the winnings seemed to end up in the pockets of Mr. Meek & Mr. Cottee, but Club Secretary Cliff Anderson has confirmed that it wasn't rigged!

Golfing Glory

Forty of the country's finest amateur golfers assembled at Stanton-on-the-Wolds GC on Friday 7th September for the Annual KCC Golf Day.

Rob Baker did a sterling job in organising an excellent afternoon's golf - the course was in fine nick, unlike many of the swings on show, and the weather was far more hospitable than the June Thunderstorm!

We raised £300 towards club funds - a big thank you for your support, particularly the friends of KCC who supported the event.

Thanks in particular must go to our Lead Sponsor - Peter Clegg & Son Builders.

Also thanks to other sponsors - Alan Copson, Paul Keeling, Kompan, Antler, Retec Interface.

For your information, and embarassment, the final team scores and individual prize winners are outlined below. The top three teams were split by only three points.
It was particularly painful for Laddy to congratulate the winning team at the post competition dinner - Rob Baker, Geoff Baker, Tim Jenkinson, Andy Cowlishaw.

Lastly, thanks to Bobby's Bitches - Simon & Vinny Tuckwell for managing the scoreboard and taking some photos, which will be uploaded soon.

Here's to a rain free 2008 Golf Day...

116 Baker Cup Boys
115 Double D Cup
114 Doom & Gloom
109 Maltby's Hackers
108 Euro Sweeper
101 Boots Boys
98 Boots Hockey Boys
96 Ernie's Army
94 Keyworth United FC
87 Scillonians
79 Clan Miles

Nearest the Pin on 5 - Cameron Miles
Longest drive on 9 - Ewan Stuart
Nearest the pin in 2 on 14th - John Baldrey
Nearest the pin on 15th - Mike Chamberlain

Twenty20 Vision

Chris Hepburn kindly took all the fantastic snaps in the Twenty20 report. You can see the full gallery of photos (all 157 of them) by clicking this link.......

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7155285@N02/sets/72157601827106701/

Final Fixture For Legge's X1

We have a final fixture on Sunday 23rd September.

Away at the beautiful Colston Bassett ground. Early start time no doubt as the nights are drawing in, and to leave plenty of time for a trip to the Martins Arms.

One for your diaries, I'm sure Leggy will be in touch to raise a squad

Hiller Thriller

An amazing last over maiden, with a run out off the last ball, saw a second successive tie in the KCC Twenty20 on Bank Holiday Monday.

The Field of Dreams looked a picture with Laddy's Bar and the BBQ Gazebo decked out in bunting.

The sun also made a few guest appearances, but the stumps had taken no chances, once again benefiting from a St.Tropez spray tan.

Laddy's house warming the previous day had brought on all manner of drink related injuries. The host himself was lame with a stiff neck, though a gentle massage with club physio Gemma in the beer tent seemed to put a spring back in his step. Dave G was another to rock up looking pale, blaming the prawns that he had himself cooked, but was forced to field barefoot until reinforcements arrived.

Dale’s ‘Green Shirts’ batted first and set off at a canter. The skipper was first out for a quick-fire 16.

This brought Grant to join Kingy at the crease. After a season to remember, this was a day to forget for the brash Aussie. After last year’s full bunger incident the pair were still clearly not on the same wavelength, Kingy calling for a quick single and Grant, still half asleep from the previous night’s excess, was run out without facing. The same thing happened to Geoff Baker the previous year, who moaned that he’d driven two hours for the pleasure, Granty reminded everyone that he’d flown for 24 hours.

This brought on the clash of the lightweights: Hiller v Hiller. And it was Dave who landed a knockout blow in the first round, clean bowling sister Andy for a duck.

At 30-4 the game was looking more like a Ten10. Fortunately Dale had bolstered the middle order with two heavyweights. Meeky carried on his fine form retiring with a brutal 28. Boom Boom was more restrained, pulling a fetlock, and needing a runner on his way to 23 off his maximum 30 balls.


Drurs came to the wicket to find the usual Boycott-banter from the close fielders and most of the crowd making for Laddy’s Bar. More disconcerting though were the array of jelly beans on and around a length. But it was lollipops that Dougie bowled and Drurs happily carted 26 off just 15 balls..........

.........to general amazement, especially his captain!!

Potty and Top Man Burton pushed on to be unbeaten on 18 and 19 to leave the Greens 160-4 after 20 overs.

Dave Hiller was the pick of the bowlers taking 1 for 6 with a maiden, star all-rounder Ball less so going for 31 off his two overs.

During the interval Laddy’s Bar continued a roaring trade, although the proprietor was taking a leaf too many out of Peggy's book, leaving most of the serving to the Mitchell Sisters, Lorraine and Rebecca covering for their wayward boss.

On return the landlord was not amused at the level of under-age drinking being encouraged on his patch.

Meanwhile the BBQ gazebo was in danger of becoming a remake of the Towering Inferno such was the demand for fat-filled fayre. Happily Sheriff Hallam was on hand to offer fire safety advice.

Fit to pop, umpires Cottee and Elliott led out Tinno’s ‘Black Shirts’ for their reply.

Potty charged in down the hill like a young Bob Willis and set the tone with 5 wides! Duncan Disorderly was unlucky to play on for a duck.

Bally nudged his way to 7, but was another bamboozled by Murali Burton's mystery straight ball.

Dave Hiller-Sister secured his MVP award with a scratchy 25 while Nellie Baker took advantage of the field restrictions and garbage bowling for a quick 20.

Andy Hiller then bowled Rob and set up the highlight of the innings. Skipper Tinno, with a lofty Twenty20 reputution, failed completely to deliver, caught and bowled first ball.

This set up a hat-trick ball with Liam striding to the wicket with the strains of Amy Whitehouse’s ‘Rehab’ ringing in his ears. Quick as a flash Andy realised the potential cost of a round of Kwenchy Kups, and sent down a wide that Liam happily let go. Liam made a quick 6 before Kingy was even more amazed than Matt Prior at taking a stumping.

Most of Dale's bowlers were skulking on the boundary as Bomber strode to the crease. Drurs was the sacrificial lemming as IG retired on 25 after 11 balls.

By this stage Shelley's calculator had run out of spare batteries.

Despite setting 8 fielders in the arc between mid wicket and cow corner, Cowlard chipped his way to 27 helped by some dreadfully rigid fielding.

Dougie came to the crease, only for a mid wicket conflab to be interupted by fellow Aussie Grant, telling him to get back to his crease. GP charged in off a run that started halfway up Selby Lane, but was knackered by his deliver stride and Dougie took advantage with a glorious cover drive.

Dale was fretting as the run rate fell below 6 an over, but had trump card Sticky still to play.

The Keyworth Legend ambled in up the hill, roared on by Jack Palmer's Barmy Army, and wheeled away in delight as Dougie played all round an in-swinger.

The last thing the Green Shirts wanted to see was Scooby bristling to the crease with Fog on the Tyne ringing in his ears, and the game looked to be up as Tony raced to 13.

With the scores tied and an over to go, Steve Potts surely only had to lay bat on ball to secure the win. But tension built as miss followed swing.

With Andy Hiller proving more miserly with the ball, than when standing at the bar, Steve literally swung himself off his feet in a vain attempt to find the elusive last run.

Amazingly one was still needed off the last ball. Steve set off for the run before Andy had even started his run up. Chaos reigned as Scooby charged from the non striker's end. Kingy threw down the stumps at one end.

While Meeky plucked an old ball out of his pocket and whipped off the bails at the other. Umpires Cottee and Elliott raised their fingers in unison and the game was thrillingly tied.

Another great day for the club and the Cottee Trophy hasjust will not be won outright.


Thanks to everyone for coming, we raised around £300, which has pretty much made HMS Collison fully paid for.

Special thanks to:

Laddy's Bar staff: Laddy, Lorraine, Rebecca
BBQ chefs: Jude, Jean, Cliff
Snap Happy Chris Hepburn for taking photos
Dale and Tinno for sorting out the teams and songs
Leanne for selling programmes and Matt for printing them for free
Shelley for somehow keeping count in the scorer's tent
Cllr Cottee for umpiring
Benji for manning the decks
And to our sponsors: KingStone, Internet Ink, Indian Nights and Cottee Fibres for their generous support

Hits Record

Our website had its highest number of hits (83) in a single day on Sunday. Can't think of more than two reasons why....

Double Top

KCC 1st XI took inspiration from news that the Stiffs had won their League by trouncing Hucknall Rolls Royce by eight wickets to become Champions of Division 1B.

The teams were raring to go by 1.15pm, as everyone realised the importance of the game. Various permatations had the statisticians’ calculators overheating, whilst Rob Baker had spent the morning pouring over the League rule book. The Millers called up Dave Hiller to replace Strong who was getting drunk somewhere, whilst Captain Rendu took the “Luck of the Irish” phrase to heart by making a pilgrimage to kiss the Blarney Stone in Ireland. Baker took the captain’s armband for the second week, and inserted a nervous looking Rolls Royce team, who started the day top of the league.

The Hiller sisters opened up, and bowled tidily but a fifty opening partnership had a few KCC faces looking nervous. Andy Hiller finally broke through with an LBW, before Chatterbox Meek talked the second wicket out. The Aussies brothers Parker and Bayford had just finished some Keystone Cops fielding which allowed the batsman a second run.
“Don’t worry lads, it’s a good idea to keep him on strike”, said the cheeky chubby chappy. Next ball, Handy Andy Hiller rearranged the woodwork with an inswinger. In came the Rolls Royce danger man, who promptly smashed a ball passed first change bowler Graham. Whilst fielders dug around in the hedge for the ball, Laddy thought he could match Meek’s chat. “It must be a pain when the ball keeps going in the hedge” said the batsman. “We’d be alright if you didn’t play so straight” said Laddy from slip. Next ball, the dangerman swished across a straight one from Graham and was plumb LBW. However, Rolls Royce rode their luck with some lofted drives into gaps, and were ticking over at 5 an over. Graham kept plugging away after some early tap, and picked up 6 wickets for 70, including at least four from full tosses that were caught in the deep. Baker, playing through the pain barrier with his dodgy shoulder, finally snaffled the opening batsman, who had just called for a runner after reaching 50, but skied the next ball to Dave Hiller at long-on. With some good ground fielding, catches held, and some good death bowling from Dave Hiller, the Millers restricted the Rolls to 209-9 at tea, fifty less than they wanted.

Tea was served up by the Youth Policy, with the highlight being the end of it. Commendation must go to the chicken tikka rolls, and juicy melons.

In reply, Laddy got out of the blocks first with three fours, but perished caught behind – allegedly! Parker and Graham continued the pacey start, as the boundaries came thick and fast. One six from Graham had half the first team searching for the ball in the hedge. A coconut was found, but was turned down by the umpires. Deeper and deeper into the hedge went Beake and Ladd, before arriving in someone’s back garden. The size of the dog turd saw the pair scamper back to the safety of the Field of Dreams, before the German Shepherd dog returned for some dinner! Back on the field, Rolls Royce turned to their star spinner, leading wicket taker in the league. What followed beggered belief, as the star man bowled donkey drops from 26 yards. Graham played one over with respect, before realising it was absolute filth and smashed him to all parts. Three big sixes down to the Village Hall had the 7 foot body builder, out exercising his dog, running for cover. In one over, the match had swung into the Millers’ favour.

After a 100 partnership, Parker fell caught behind for 42, and trudged off fuming that he had missed out on the smorgasboard of spin bowling, but Tindsley continued the good work, supporting Graham to see the Millers home with overs to spare. He finished with 31*, whilst Graham’s efforts in the match had seen him grab most of the season’s awards. 93 not out, six wickets, and umpteen sixes, left probably only the fielding award up for grabs. He’s probably won that too.

Celebrations started in the Youth Policy’s dressing room, with Baker showing his experience by spraying champagne everywhere before departing to the senior player’s changing room to shower. The season’s success had been a club effort, with the likes of Tony Spence, Simon Tuckwell, Dave Garland contributing through the season. Even Director of Cricket Dessaur, and Keeping Coach Dring were there to see the season’s triumph.

The club’s celebrations were started at The Salutation, where the toast was for Shelly’s contribution as Scorer of the Year. Even Chairman Drury was pushing the boat out with two bottles of lager. The first team headed to Bridgford to continue the party, with Captain Baker on his phone to the League to gain confirmation that we had won the league thanks to an extra winning draw. Various shots were downed as Tindsley splashed the Kitty money, leaving Dave Hiller having hot and cold flushes in Fire & Ice.

MOM : Ian Graham
TFC : The Rest of the League
MOM Total : Ian Graham 4, Andy Hiller 2, Grant Parker 1, Dave Strong 2, Bobby Baker 1

Twenty20 Report

A report plus loads of photos will be on the blog tomorrow. Just sifting through the 350 photos that Chris Heppers took for us!!

Seconds Thrumped 'Em

A quite awesome all round performance saw the Stiffs win the League for the very first time.

Needing a win away at top placed Thrumpton, the boys were boosted by the return of Cowlard, Spence, Burton and Paul Lay. We missed valauble squad members: JB still on England duty, Benji still lame, Boom Boom even lamer, and Potty dancing down the aisles.

Cowlard won a valuable toss and took the new ball. This was the tightest bowling display in living memory with probably six bad balls in the whole innings, and in truth the game was won by 22 overs. AC started up the hill and found seam movement a-plenty, while Liam down the hill bent it like Beckham. Andy was unlucky not to get the first breakthrough when Ernie spilt a regulation edge in front of first slip.

Boss Hogg and The Sheriff came on first change and tightened the screw still further. Sheriff got the first breakthrough, Ernie taking a catch behind off the face of the bat. Crawling along at less than a run an over, the Thrumpton batters needed to take chances and this led to the next wicket. Drurs dived to parry an off-drive, Liam picked up the rebound and hurled down the stumps to prove you should never run on a misfield.

Amazingly after 22 overs, our pace quartet had resticted the home side to 22-2, Liam bowling his first 8 overs for just one run! Even Dave and Ernie couldn't remember seeing such a score during their combined 100 year playing careers. Boom Boom did his injured hamstring no good at all trying to balance one-footed on this strange form of 'Nelson'.

Dave G quizzed Drurs at the drinks break:

"Is it true you had to leave Thrumpton earlier in your career?"
Drurs looked blank while sipping his lemon squash
"For scoring too quickly!" followed up DG, much to the mirth of the bouyant Millers.

The Thrumpton no.4 looked ready to unleash, and played the first aggressive shot of the innings, lofting Leggy back over his head. The ball though had more backspin than a Titleist Pro-V. His batting partner was slightly less mobile than Andy Fordham and refused a second run. Liam hurled the ball in from the boundary and Leggy had the luxury of walking to the stumps for a simple run out. Leggy followed up with three more wickets as the middle order had no answer to our accurate bowling.

The Boss then bowled a full toss that went for four. Such were the high standards being set that Cowlard immediately brought back Liam. Sadly a straight six ruined Liam's final figures to an expensive 0-18 off 10 overs! The Sheriff retired to the deep with awesome figures of 11 overs 7 maidens 1 for 5. Leggy came back to finish off with 4-28 off 12 overs, while Cowlard deservedly got a wicket to end on 1-23 off 12 overs.

A fantastic performance restricted the home side to 80-8 off 45 overs. Tea was a nervy affair with the top order batters focusing on the task in hand.

In reply Drurs set off to prove Garland wrong blocking everything that the opening bowlers sent down. Ernie enjoyed some width and angled his way to 15 before caught at gully. Garland bristled to the crease and refused to touch gloves with Drurs with a simple "That's gay!" Dave made a valuable 9 before the ball of the day jagged back to hit off stump. DJ Vespa was due in at 4 but the tension had forced him to go to the gents. Top Man didn't need to be asked twice and sprinted onto the field before Spence could hot foot it back from the urinals.

Eye brows were raised as Matt looked to smash everything from the off. Cowlard and Leggy were pacing their 6th lap and drawing on their 20th fag of the afternoon as Matt had a sitter dropped at mid off.

Drurs though was like a limpet at the other end and Murali blasted a quickfire 20 not out with a glorious on drive for four to seal the victory. Drurs ended on 28 as we reached the target in the 27th over.

A fantastic achievement, the best ever for the Second team, and a complete team effort from start to finish.

The celebrations went on long into the night, the day completed with news that Sheriff Hallam had accepted a new three year contract extension.

MOM: everyone

Championes!