Attenborough go wild in Keyworth

With the KCC first team finding wins as rare the Northern Hairy Nosed Wombat, the arrival of top three side (David) Attenborough was, on paper, about as welcome as Jay Z at the Glastonbury Festival. However, our intrepid explorers are always positive, especially when captained by local hero Bobby Baker who was standing in for holidaying Rocket Rendu.

The Field of Dreams was looking a picture with the new advertising hoardings hugging the boundary at the bottom end and the wicket looking like a green seamer. The visitors won the toss and stuck the Millers in.

With more comebacks than Frank Sinatra, Laddy kept the crowd waiting whilst looking at a new mansion ‘daan sarf’. This meant that Keyworth’s two big guns, Ian and Grant, were batting together for the first time in a month. In recent weeks the foul mouthed Aussie has thrown down the gauntlet to Bomber Graham, racking up his average and six-hits whilst Ian was on holiday. Things didn’t start well though. Grant was out cheaply (5) caught behind and although he was finding the boundary, Ian was looking in need of a good net. Emma-Dale got in and out falling LBW for 17. House Hunter Ladd eventually turned up, apparently for his last league game, and found the going tough but helped see KCC to 82-2 at drinks. This was despite being put off by a couple of 10 year olds who had seemingly mastered the art of circular breathing deep in the undergrowth, and the local youths that CSO Meek had doing community service clearing up the bottles they been smashing in the corner of the rec.

At the other end Ian, helped by Councillor Cottee’s pre-match hand rub(!), was now finding the boundary with increasing regularity and soon passed 50. Having been dropped once, his innings from this point was chanceless, although at one point his bat slipped from his grasp and flew high into the air, landing next to the stumps. We can only ponder exactly what substance Cllr Cottee rubbed into his hands pre-match.

Laddy was out for unlucky 13, but Alex Sheriston (2) and Stuart Meek (0) were unable to stick around with the Golden one. However, Wombat lover Dougie Bayford (21 in 25 balls) put on 75 runs in the last 10 overs with Bald Eagle Graham, who rapidy raced through a ton after taking a liking to the South African Gazelle’s offspin. With 6 overs to go, all 9 fielders were patrolling the boundary, but it was the final over when he eventually fell for an impressive 145, just four balls short of a red inker. With his 22x4’s & 5x6’s, the trophy engraver has been told to down tools for now…

214-7 at tea saw the Millers tuck in happily to Justine’s feast, with sausage & chutney rolls, coronation chicken baps and chocolate crispy cakes the highlights.

The Attenborough opener seemingly wanted to get on with winning the game single handed, smashing his way to 28 in 21 balls, with one six off Andy Hiller-Sister being put onto Nottingham Road & landing inches in front of a passing motorist. Fortunately the paperboy at the other end couldn’t get it off the square. Having planned to recover from his marathon innings in the slips for 20 overs before sending down some gentle off spin, Brown Bear Bobby called for IG to go that extra mile and bowl medium pace in the 6th over, with immediate success trapping the dangerman LBW.

After the breakthrough, runs still came quickly despite losing wickets at regular intervals, meaning the visitors were always ahead of the required run rate. However, with the No 6 & 7 batsman falling cheaply, the Millers sniffed victory with spin-twins Ian (4-45) and Bobby (2-69) bowling in tandem and men around the bat. However, the 8th wicket brought up 69 chanceless runs, leaving 4 required off the last over with two wickets remaining. Only one was scored off the first 4 balls, but a gloved full toss went for 4 to leave KCC on the losing side of a thriller that could have gone either way.

Performances like this one will surely see KCC pick up more wins in the second half of the season, starting with Unity at home next week.

Kids Go Crazy

Our Festival of Junior Cricket was a fantastic success on Wednesday. Tuckers did a brilliant job organising the event and marshalling his many willing volunteers. And most importantly all the kids had a great time.

The Field of Dreams looked a picture for the 11.00 Test Match start time. The groundstaff had laid out four pitches, erected gazebos for the scorers, and most importantly had the tuckshop fully stocked and the tea urn bubbling, Jean, Cliff and Lorraine doing their normal sterling job.

Official welcome over, instructions given, and team photos taken, the competition began. Four matches began simultaneously in bright sunshine. Tuckers, The Sheriff, Bobby and Benji were the umpires, with Boss Hogg as reserve (his strict interpretation of leg side wides likely to slow the over rate to a crawl), and Cliff cooking the books in the scorers' tent.

Towards the end of the first innings we had a sharp shower and so took an early lunch.

During the interval Rob Baker from the event's sponsors Proludic, and a former KCC youth cricketer, handed over a cheque to help support KCC's youth development.

Fortunately the rain didn't last long and proceedings soon resumed with enthusiasm and volume levels undiminished.
After the first two rounds of matches, we had a clap catching competition, a fielding competition, pairs catching, and an 'extreme' catching contest (where Laddy would have been 12th man). There was also an ongoing 'name the player' and 'spot the number' competition in the members' tent.

After these activities, the battle for the KCC shield and plate got under way. All games were fiercely contested with everyone giving 101% with some really useful talent on display. The quality of fielding and catching was remarkable throughout and an instructional DVD should by now have landed on the First Team Skipper's desk!


At the close we had our winners and prizes were awarded by Cllr. John Cottee. The tuckshop was empty and Tuckers went for a lie down in a darkened room!

And it was a triumph for Keyworth schools over local rivals. Crossdale School beat Cotgrave in the Plate, while in the main event Tuckers' own Willowbrook side beat Cotgrave.

Rumours that Betfair have handed over suspicious betting transactions from Mr.Tuckwell's account have yet to be confirmed!


Everyone agreed it was a cracking day and thanks and congratulations must go to Tuckers and his band of helpers for their efforts in getting it organised.

Saturday Wash Out

Sadly, no play possible for either team

Kids Cricket Returns

Wednesday 25 of June sees the first part of plans to re-establish junior cricket at KCC. Eight local Primary Schools: Willow Brook, Crossdale, Keyworth Primary, Bunny, Willoughby, Kinoulton, Brookside and Cotgrave C of E will all be battling it out at the Field of Dreams in Keyworth, in the inaugural KCC Ten10 Cricket Festival.

The competition is a modified version of Twenty20 played with Kwik Cricket equipment. Teams consist of 8 players, with at least one girl or boy per team contesting a ten over match. Full cricket rules apply, minus LBW, with the most runs equaling victory.

Each team will play 3 matches to determine the first winners of the Shield and Plate competition.

The event is kindly sponsored by Proludic, who make and supply play and sports equipment for children, teenagers and the wider community.

There are plenty of other prizes to play for with extreme catching and clap catch champion up for grabs, along with the run out challenge, pairs catching, name the player, guess the number and most wickets and runs scored during the day.

Teams will register at 10.40, with the first round matches due to commence at 11.15. The final games commence at 3.15 with the presentation at 3.30.

Refreshments are available so please feel free to come and support, bring the sunshine, and spot the next Stuart Broad or Kevin Pietersen.

Simon Tuckwell
KCC Junior Cricket Coordinator

Golf Day Results

Our golf correspondent Stuart Meek has swapped his putter for his pen ...........

LIGHT BLUES TRIUMPH AFTER EARLY BIRDIE BLITZ

The sun was out, and the rush to ensure that the prizes were of adequate quality and quantity was over. Most of the participants were busy fitting a day's work into half a day, and the venue - Stanton On The Wolds Golf Club was reportedly in fine fettle following its prestige event "the Coronation" the weekend before.

Dave Strong obviously saw the weather report on the BBC morning news, and decided to extend his business meetings for the day past his tee off time, leaving "Boom Boom" Elliott's team a man short. Everyone else though turned up promptly and many even managed a warm up.

2008 saw the event handed over to Stuart Meek to organise. This was something that was to scupper the chances of Rob Bakers team - "The Baker boys". They did triumph in 2007 due to Bobby changing the rules to suit (after many teams had already teed off). This year though, the rules were clearly marked on the cards. and approved by the R&A. There were a number of nearest the pin, and longest drive prizes, but everyone was playing for the first prize of a day out at Cotgrave Place Golf Club, and some Ryder cup memorabilia supplied by John Childs.

The teams all got off on time, and it was soon clear that "The Light Blues" were serious contenders. Kev Hitchcock was bullish about his new contract with Manchester City, and Rob Rathbone apparently helped him push his wheelbarrow down the M5. Gary Robson should have worn a mask, claiming a handicap of 16, but hitting it further than "Fletch" goes on Holiday! A team effort of ten birdies in the first 12 holes set them up for a big score - (Front 9 - 46 points). The main talking point though was the grip of "Fletch" or "The Claw" as he is now known. Rumour has it that his grip is even stronger than a tube of super glue!

The "Boots Boys" were also off to a flying start, and even decided to confuse "Tuckers" by putting all 4 scores on the card on every hole. (Front 9 - 44 Points) All team members contributing, and the warm weather helping Drurs with his glassback

The "Big Divots" were also confident until Dave Scothern turned up claiming to have dropped a plaster board on his arm on the morning of the event, making it impossible for him to hold his pre match pint! It didn't stop him smashing his drives miles though, and his team helped by early birdies from Declan "Tiger" Maltby and Meeky set them up for a big finish (Front 9 - 43 Points)

Steve Phillips entered his own team this year,deserting "Meeky" and "Maltby" for some local "masked raiders" "Team Phillips" getting off to a steady start with 41 points on the front 9

The rest of the field were made up of "Haquersall" - a team entered by Jon Vear, "3 men and a Lady" - Entered by Ted Elliott, and "Gone for a Burton", entered by Matt Burton - who decided not to turn up himself!! He was replaced by Steve Rendu and Ewan Stewart

All teams started to suffer a little on the back nine, but the Baker Boys started to make a move, "Jenko" fresh from his gardening leave revved up Andy Cowlishaw who started to rack up the 3 pointers, but there was little contribution from "Bobby" who is now in a job that means he has to work during the week!

"Hitch" continued to roll putts in from everywhere, and delighted in telling "Fletch" about his new housing benefit.

Steve Rendu "Rocket" had one eye on the card, and the other on the clouds that were gathering over "Bill's Mother's" These clouds changed the fortunes of many. The heavens opened, and those who were out first got the best of the weather. the "Big Divots" who were out last, got soaked to the bone, along with many of the others, and the last 6 holes proved tricky

With all 4 scores to count on the last - some teams "made hay" while the "sun shined", others simply couldn't cope. Meeky collected all of the longest drive and nearest the pin markers in, and loaded them into the back of his buggy, safe in the knowledge that he already had a prize "In the bag", blasting a drive past Bobby Baker on the 16th.

Whilst the rain came down though "Tuckers" was busy greeting the teams as they finished, and started to collate the scores.Many had a warm shower, and then settled in the bar for a few bevies before pouncing on the carvery. The R&A were called in as Bobby Baker tried to change the rules again and added all 4 scores on the 9th as well as the 18th. A very polite conversation followed, and even though he had signed for the wrong team score, the committee agreed not to disqualify them.

The carvery proved to be the highlight of the day for "Leggy", who even managed one of each of the three desserts! Wearing a number 7 on his shirt the rumours were that this was the number of portions he could consume if the supplies of fresh cream continued to flow.

All teams seemed to enjoy the spread put on by the Golf Club, and whilst we were waiting for the puddings Meeky decided to hold a "Heads or tails" competition, the winner receiving a bucket of golf balls and a shirt. At this point Geoff Baker decided to take a toilet break, even though he had paid his £2. Rather than waiting the 20 minutes for him, the local 16 year old waiter "stood in" and promptly won him the prize. (Rumour has it that Geoff was later seem in the Kitchen paying him for something)

During the presentation of prizes there was a moment whereby the R&A were called in to adjudicate. Drurs had claimed a "nearest the pin in 2 prize on the 11th" even though he wasn't on the green! No more said!!!!!!

Overall I can safely say that the Cricket Club enjoyed another successful Golf Day. I believe it was enjoyed by all, and a big congratulations to all of the prize winners who are listed below, and to everyone else who played

Keep your eye open on our website for future events (http://www.keyworthcc.co.uk/) and finally once again a very big thank you to everyone who helped make the day as enjoyable as it was

PRIZE WINNERS

First Place - 91 Points - "The Light Blues" - Rob Rathbone, Kev Hitchcock, Den Fletcher, Gary Robson

Second Place - 86 Points - "The Boots Boys" - Richard Drury, Chris Ladd, Baz Rainsford, Andy Turner

Third Place - 84 Points - "Team Phillips" - Steve Phillips, Tim Caines, Bren Foster, Steve Williams


Nearest Pin - 5th Hole - Chris Ladd - 72 inches
Longest Drive - 9th Hole - Rob Rathbone - 294 Yards
Nearest Pin in 2 - 11th Hole - Declan Maltby - 260cm (after stewards enquiry)
Longest Drive - 16th Hole - Stuart Meek - 332 Yards

On behalf of the Cricket Club I would like to take this opportunity to thank those people who helped make the day a success

Alan Copson - For his sponsorship
John Childs/Allsports - For the Photographs
Jude Drury - For getting the photos printed and framed
Russ Maltby - For his help on the day
Simon Tuckwell - For collating the scoring
Stanton On The Wolds Golf Club - For providing a golf course that was in top condition
Barry Baker - who helped send out the invites etc
All of the teams who entered
Anyone else who I have forgotten

See you all next year

'Insporting' balderdash

The Firsts suffered a defeat at the hands of Balderton at the Field of Dreams. The wicket looked to be nearing its run-fest best, so after winning the toss Rocket chose to bat rather than field, as has been the recent tactic.

KCC again had 3 forced changes from last week’s outing with Dave Strong, Bobby Baker and Dave Garland coming into the fold. With Ian Graham still on his hols, Grant and Laddy opened up, perhaps for the last time, as this may be the big eared buffoon’s last outing in the league for the Millers following his recent job move to Wiltshire.

What KCC needed after recent displays was a solid opening partnership. The home side got off to a swift start in the extras column as Balderton’s Sri Lankan Pro, sporting excessive zinc sun block, totally lost his radar bowling down the hill gifting 8 runs off his first over. Grant, counting down his final games for Keyworth before he departs back to Oz at the end of July, is in great touch and seems intent on putting the batting average and 6 hitting competition out of everyone’s (especially Iggy’s) reach. Chris Ladd didn’t manage to go out on a high and was sledged for impersonating the night watchman before he fell for 8 with the score at 58 after 15 overs.

The home side needed to capitalise on their good start, and with Grant going past 50 seeing it like a football, things were looking good, but he failed to find support at the other end from the top order. The opposition had brought on their curly haired wrong-foot bowler who soon did for Emma-Dale, bowling him through the gate for a lame duck. Alex Sheriston and Steve Rendu were both out cheaply for 4, with Alex disgruntled after shouldering arms to the wrong footer and being adjudged LBW when not offering a shot. The Millers were 100-3 at drinks.

Stuart Meek came to the crease not wearing a lid, perhaps not seeing the Sri Lankan Pro limbering up in the deep for his second spell. When the bowling change came next over, the war painted Chaminda Vaas look-alike welcomed Meeky to the crease with some chin music that required emergency avoidance manoeuvres. Stuart literally picked himself up, dusted himself down, called for helmet and then got on with it. Despite seemingly uncharactertically miscuing all of his shots he contributed a useful 36 runs.

At the other end, Grant had been sending the ball to all parts and although having a bit of luck when dropped by the keeper early on, he brought up a deserved 100 with a massive 6 that was typical of his innings. It was unfortunate that the Aussie could not go on to top 150 as he was soon out caught for 110 after reportedly “trying to get on with it”, much to the amusement of his team mates who’d seen him smack 14 x 4’s and 4 x 6’s in his 108 balls faced!

Unfortunately the tail didn’t wag, and with the rapid Charminda breaking the off stump as Bobby fell for a duck, the Hiller-sisters were seen to look for an exit stage-left.

If it weren’t for Grant’s ton, the highlight of the innings would have been Dave G striding to the wicket in his Graham Gooch style white helmet, apparently unworn since it’s purchase in 1992, all it needed was a false moustache to complete the retro look.

The excessive runs ups of all the bowlers meant that it was nearing 5 o’clock with overs still to bowl. Seemingly in a hurry to finish the innings and get to the tea table, the umpire harshly gave Dave Hiller out, caught off his size 9’s, leaving Keyworth on a below par 194 all out in the 45th over.

Tea was a feast laid on by the Bakers (well… Paula anyway), with the seafood kebabs, coronation chicken wraps, Rob’s Special Potato Salad and scones with fresh cream and jam being the highlights.

After the tea break Keyworth were forced to toil in the early evening sun as they were unable to find an early breakthrough. With 3 vital catches dropped, the visitors reached 109-1 at half way.

The skipper tried 8 bowlers to try to stem the flow of runs, but the opening bat was on top and powered his way to a 100, matching Grants earlier effort. Long haired buffoon Rendu came up with a new word as he loudly called for all his team to clap the 100, stating this would be unlike Balderton’s “insporting” behaviour earlier in the day when only 4 of their team did so for Grant.

With the writing on the wall, Grant was brought on for his first over for 2 years to spice up the end of the game. The foul-mouthed Aussie duly obliged by trying to throw down the stumps after his first delivery was pushed back to him, only to hit the batsman who was all of 6ft away. 3 balls and 3 fours later the batsman had won that particular battle.

The winning runs were finally knocked off in the 40th over for 2 wickets, seeing the home side drop into the bottom two.

Keyworth will welcome back Ian Graham next week for the trip to bottom placed Newstead, but again the availability merry-go-round keeps turning, as the Millers will be without Laddy, Bobby, Rocket and Grant.

One more note is that the draw has been made for the Popkess Cup, seeing Keyworth drawn against Gotham’s caped crusaders on Sunday 6th July, where IG may renew acquaintances with the bottom slapping Danny Anderson.

Stiffs Wilt at Wilsons

The Stiffs slipped up away at old rivals Wilsons. Selection was again a revolving door: Team Elliott were at a wedding, Cowlard was celebrating his 40th (pint) in Ireland, while DG was taking the first team cymbals. Fortunately we welcomed back Rocky Rainsford and new signing Fraser Stretton.

Leggy was licking his lips after winning the toss. The pitch was full of weeds and looked a seamers' paradise, but this turned out to be fools' gold.

Mike Smith found good bounce with the new ball but struggled to keep it up. Meanwhile at the start of his run up he struggled to keep it down, a schoolboy error of eating lunch 10 minutes before the start meant an early call for a pile of sawdust.

Leggy bowled a tidy opening spell without breaking through. New boy Fraser took over and looked more rusty than the railings on the adjoining football pitch as his first two balls were head high beamers! Fraser then bowled 4 sharp overs showing much promise for the future. Barrie replaced Mike and beat the bat several times in a luckless spell of 0-29 off 8 overs. At drinks Wilsons were 80-0 and well placed to push on.

Leggy wisely decided to take the pace off the ball and turned to spin twins Beeton and Bayford. The Adonis was a handful throughout his spell and made the first breakthrough, Ernie snaffling a thin edge. A second soon followed as beautifully flighted delivery lured the no.3 down the pitch and bowled him through the gate.

At the other end Dougie was more erratic, mixing up flight with filth, in fact your reporter had seen custard with more consistency. Nevertheless this was wicket taking bowling. Ernie took a stumping and JR took a catch at cow corner having dropped an easier one two balls before. At 115-5 with 10 overs left we were back on top. However Wilsons' no.7 had other ideas smashing a run a ball unbeaten 47. 60 runs came off the last 6 overs and dented some promising figures: Doug finished with 2-39 0ff 7 and JB 3-46 off 12.

Leggy took responsibility for the penultimate over and was immediately smashed for a massive six that landed in the centre circle of the next football pitch - Tuckers organised a 4 x 100m relay team to return the ball.

At the break 193-6 was a decent score. Tea was a major improvement on recent years, doughnuts proving more scarce than petrol at a Shell filling station.

In reply Drurs enjoyed the quick pitch cracking 5 boundaries in a quick 23 before playing on leaden-footed. Ernie survived a blow to the chest and looked well set until bowled for 18. Our middle order were all more careless than an MI5 officer with an intelligence report, Bayford (8), Stretton (6) and Rainsford (0) all caught in the ring when looking well set.

Tuckers was struggling to pick up the ball, turning his back on a full toss and copping a painful blow on his calf, and asked for one of the Holme Pierrepont mobile homes to be moved from his eyeline. After a big boundary to mid on, he soon went for 7, and JR followed form a duck. At 89-7 we were in a big hole.

Then an amazing partnership of 58 between Boss Hogg and Mike Smith. Leggy played the shot of the day, a cut through backward point, while Mike played a huge shot at every ball, so much so that he put his back out and needed a runner. Leggy used all his captaincy nous and called on JB to do the running!! With the home side getting a bit twitchy, Mike was finally out for a fine 32. Leggy remained unbeaten on 20 as JB and then young Chris Soar were clean bowled.

151 all out and not one of our finest batting displays with extras top scoring on 33!

FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THIS CRAP MATCH REPORT BELOW.

Quack Quack Oops

It wasn’t looking good at 11 o’clock as Laddy made a pitch inspection at the sodden Field Of Dreams. A quick phone call to the Collison household confirmed that tea preparation was already well under way, so the match had to go ahead! Fortunately by 1 o’clock the rain had eased off, and thanks to the new rain cover, the pitch was playable with a delayed start and a 39 over format.

Not for the first time this season Keyworth were without key first teamers including Iggy, Bobby, Strongy and Doug, with Big Ted and Tuckers again coming in for the match against Southwell. The Hiller sisters were back in after surviving last weekend’s stag-do in Manchester with no visible signs of damage.

New recruit Alex showed his inexperience in the pre match tasks. Unaware that the local hounds use the wire posts as latrines he carelessly carried one post under each arm. The resulting stain and stench couldn’t be removed from his whites, so he gladly accepted the offer of Laddy’s spare shirt that has been at the bottom of his bag for a number of seasons.

The Evening Post photographer then turned up to take team shots of both sides, and Meeky gladly offered to provide names to the faces for the photos… so there’s a chance of Seymour Butts, Ben Dover, Juan Kerr, Hugh Jass, Jack Hoff and Teddy Sheriston making the team sheet; get your copy on Tuesday!

Another first for Keyworth was the skipper instigating a pre match fielding drill, which to be fair inspired a pretty decent fielding display with only one sharp half-chance dropped by Meeky after he did well to get a hand on it.

Andy Hiller-sister and Skipper Rocket Rendu opened up for the Millers, both bowling a tight spell that restricted the scoring to just 20 off the first 10 overs. Andy, conceding only 19 off his 7 overs has been very unlucky not to get a hatful of wickets so far this term and things are surely set to change in the wickets column in the coming weeks.

Similarly to last week, the lack of early wickets and the missing spinners enabled the opposition’s scoring rate to escalate to nearly 6 an over for the last 20. The Millers dug deep and restricted the scoring to 160 for the loss of 5 wickets with Alex Sheriston taking 3-55 and Meeky taking one good skier. Special mention for poor Ted as the ball seemed to be following him around the pitch all day; pro-zone may have seen him rack up a few km’s in the process.

After the match Laddy said that teas were the highlight of the day, with fruit kebabs being the centrepiece. Ted also complemented Rebecca on her baps(!)

Laddy and Grant were first out of the Keyworth hutch and within 3 balls Laddy was on his long walk back, falling for the old long-hop, wide, leg stump yorker combo. Emma-Dale had thought he was batting at 4, so went back for thirds at tea only to find that Ted had similar ideas and promoted the half-aussie to No.3; the Victoria Sponge was sitting little heavy as he strode to the wicket.

The drying wicket wasn’t throwing up too many surprises, but was starting to seam, and the muggy conditions were also helping the ball do a bit in the air. Grant (9) was bowled by a useful ball that, similar to Jimmy Anderson’s display on Friday at the Test, was shaping to middle and leg only to seam back and take off. 25-2 off 10 overs.

Ted and Dale managed to occupy the crease and tick the scoreboard over, but it was hard going. Emma had just got used to the pace of the pitch, but soon after clearing the mid wicket boundary was out for 22 foxed by a slower ball and sent a leading edge high to mid off who had safe hands. Alex was in at No5 and lasted just the 5 balls for the Milers second duck of the day. Ted (10) was next out after struggling to get the ball off the square. 56-4 off 20.
Rendu (21) improved the KCC spirits with a fleeting glimpse of what might have been after getting after the slow swing bowler and sending him for 12 in one over. Southwell now had two slow bowlers in tandem and surrounded the bat, with Meeky (2) unluckily going off the 6th ball of an over that the umpire had incorrectly called ‘over’ after the 5th ball. The mistake was rectified and the bowler made the most of his bonus ball.

Things were now looking dire for the home team and for Super Scorer Shelley as she seemed to be translating War and Peace into Braille with all the dots that were being entered into the book. Trying to salvage a draw, only 10 runs were scored off the last 16 overs faced with the innings finishing dismally on 76 in 36.4 overs, with a total of 5 batsmen getting ducks.

Let’s hope for better weather and a return to form away at Balderton next week.

Stiffs Down Dale To Go Top

High excitement as the Stiffs won on the road at Stanton-by-Dale with another all round team effort in a match played in fine spirit.

The biggest challenge of the day was finding the ground itself with a spot of orienteering required to navigate the footpaths, stiles and ditches en route. Skipper Cowlard put his back out falling into a ditch while Ernie was up to his neck in trouble after stepping in a rabbit hole.

After being on the wrong end of conditions last week we were boosted by winning the toss and bowling first on a damp pitch. The Stanton postage stamp was made somewhat larger by the very wet outfield.

AC and Boss Hogg were licking their lips with the new ball seaming. Stanton's Bruce Forsyth look-a-like was struggling to pierce the field while his partner was soon back in the hutch playing on to Leggy. The first runs off the bat were a calamity. A square cut held up just short of the boundary. JR and Strongy collided and performed a Torvill and Dean Bolero routine; Charlie mistook Jonny's call to chuck it in and flicked the ball up, only for it bounce off JR's bonce and over the boundary board for a Brucie bonus to the opposition.

This was just a minor hiccup as we sliced through the Stanton top order. Cowlard took a fine one handed catch off his own bowling and then introduced Top Man Burton. The no.4 soon top edged a slog to cow corner. Drurs made a brave call to take the high ball with DG eyeing up a spot of pre-season rugger training, fortunately Drurs caught a safe mark. Murali then produced his mystery ball to bowl Brucie round his legs.

Then a suicidal run out. The young paper boy was sold down the river as Davey G swooped to hurl in a direct hit. At 29-5 the home side were in disarray. Then followed the best partnership of the match. Leggy had bowled his first 11.1 overs for 23 runs, but with the line in sight developed the yips and went for 16 off his last 5 balls.

DG was brought on to throw up some F and G, though by his own admission it was f****** garbage rather than flight and guile. With the original ball lost in the undergrowth and the hundred up we were wobbling. Cowlard had seen enough of the spin twins and brought on himself and Strongy. Charlie made an immediate breakthrough getting the home side's big hitter to chip a catch to wicket. Cowlard repeated the dose with an unplayable leg stump yorker.

The ICC spirit of cricket big-wigs were on red alert as the burly no.9 strode to the wicket with a bat that had edges at least two inches thick. Cowlard thought he had two bats stuck together, while others thought he'd brought his Dyson to the ground by mistake. Fortunately it was too heavy too lift and Murali nipped in through his defences. Leggy just about caught the last man turning a straight forward up and under into a manoeuvre that resembled a Jim Furyk golf swing.

Cowlard was once again miserly taking 2-17 off 12, Leggy 1-39 off 12, and Murali 3-43 off 10. Ground fielding throughout was again excellent with Cowlard scooping the fielding point for some great diving stops.

139 all out could have been less but also more at one stage. Tea rated 6/10. Beef and horseradish was a notable plus point, a lack of shubbery or fruit a concern.

Drurs and Ernie were delighted to see the wicket and outfield had dried out for the reply. But less happy to see a shiny ball being used. It was a miracle of biblical proportions that the match ball had been found in the interval, especially as Cowlard found the original in the field on the return hike home!

Ernie played on early but Dougie and Drurs made the most of the short boundaries and generous fielding positions to put on 54, before Doug left for a smart 31. DG in at 4 played with much restraint not tempted by the short boundaries. The Stanton change bowlers were far tighter than the openers and Drurs set about sending the travelling support to sleep. We were always well ahead of the rate and with another 50 partnership on the board the line was in sight. Dave eventually ran out of patience and smacked a full toss straight to deep extra for a gritty 20. 15 were needed of the 35th over for maximum batting points. Murali smacked a boundary and then we got 5 from a head high wide that raced to the rope. Matt tried to smash the final ball for 6 only to fall inches short of the cow corner boundary.

With the scores level, Matt was still dreaming of what could have been as Drurs called for a long single and Top Man was run out. A leg bye next ball saw us home for the loss of just 4 wickets, Drurs carrying his bat for 60.

19 points and with Caythorpe slipping up at Long Whatton, we're top of the table!

FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THIS MATCH REPORT BELOW.

Legge's Eleven Go Potty

Leggy's Sunday Strollers opened the campaign with a win away at Whatton. Thanks to JB for the following update......

Despite a grotty forecast, 80 overs were possible with only a five minute break for rain. The pitch was a bit soft but perfectly playable and resulted in a good game played in very friendly atmosphere.

We scored 188 for six in our 40 overs and restricted them to 158 all out. Potty scored a great ton - undefeated - bowled well and fielded like a demon - looked as though he had never been away - we must do something about his Saturday job!

Beaky batted well and bowled some off-break filth taking some tap in his first spell, but came back to take a couple of wickets in his second.

Liam managed to run himself out after looking in no trouble - his best shot was to his pad on the way back to the pavilion!

Duncan acheived a personal best with the bat, making double figures before finally playing all round the only straight one he got. He took the gloves when we bowled, took two catches but dropped about seven! Wants to do it again, I suggest we invest in a club bucket!

Firsts make KCC history

For the first time in living memory The Millers played out a losing draw whilst away at Calverton. A bright and sunny day was welcomed by all, especially super scorer Shelly who had just about thawed out from last week’s arctic adventure. The ever-changing KCC line-up was without 5 players from the loss last weekend (Bobby, IG, both Hiller-sisters and Tinno) but welcomed back Alex Sheriston and also ex-pat Chris Ladd & Stuart Meek for their first outings of the season. Paul Lay and Big Ted were promoted from the stiffs to give the side a solid looking batting line up.

With Dave Strong being held up temporarily at the hospital with Michelle (now thankfully at home and on the mend), KCC took to the field with 10 men and only one opening bowler in the shape of skipper Rendu who bowled a long, accurate but fruitless opening spell. New boy Alex stepped up to the plate at the other end and after a few nervy opening overs sent down a good 11 over spell getting one scalp. One of his deliveries almost recreated the Long Haired Buffoon’s dismissal from last week, as the batsman, appearing to be ready, kept looking down at his toes right up until Alex released the ball. Unlike Rocket he managed to get his bat in the way just in time.

The pitch was offering little for the bowlers, and although the majority of their top order weren’t really troubling the scorers, the big lad at the other end was fetching anything on a good length to the on-side boundary. At 33 overs he reached his ton with the score at 150-4. Stuart Meek was brought on to make use of the humid conditions and was the bowling highlight, managing to outwit 6 victims (12-58-6) with his unique mixed-bag brand of deliveries.

Although the fielding was much better this week, there were still 3 drops, and this enabled the home team to post 238-9 in their 48 overs; although this was felt to be eminently achievable on a small ground with a fast outfield.

Tea was forgettable.

With Iggy on babysitting duties, the returning Chris Ladd opened up with the in-form Grant Parker. Laddy (12), wearing a helmet for the first time, looked in good touch until the 5ft ginger opening bowler slotted a near Yorker length delivery though his defences. Partnerships would be the key to reaching the winning total, but unfortunately it was not to be for any of the top 4. Grant (12), was puzzled by a full toss slower ball, which on another day may have been called as a no-ball. He timidly clipped it around the corner to give square leg some catching practice. At 33-2 after 10 overs Ted and Emma-Dale knew they had to stick around and pick up at least 5 an over. Things were going well until Dale unluckily played on for 6 after trying to see out the final ball of a productive over. Ted, after again showing he’s still got it at this level, was out caught in the slips soon after for 20. With Doug Bayford going for duck, at 78-5 after 24 overs, the innings wasn’t exactly going to plan.

With The Millers staring down the barrel, skipper Rendu and new boy Alex held firm and put on a stylish 75 run partnership, with Rocket out first for 44 taking KCC to 156-6 with 10 overs left. With Stuart Meek and Dave Strong still to come, 8.5 an over was still possible to win the match, however when Alex was out two overs later for a valuable 43, the win was looking less likely and the home side could sniff a victory.

Fortunately, Meeky (24) and Strongy (25 not out) held firm with Paul Lay also coming in to see out the final couple of overs. KCC finished on 202-8 to ensure the two additional points were secured.

The match against Southwell next week would be a good time to secure a first home victory of the season.

FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THIS MATCH REPORT BELOW.

Express Delivery

High tension at the Field of Dreams as the Stiffs refused to lose a tight tussle with old rivals Thrumpton.

The pre match build up contained more drama than an omnibus edition of Eastenders. An overnight squad of 10 suddenly turned to 12 as Boom Boom realised he wasn't in the 1st XI as originally thought. Ted swapped places with Vinny and hotfooted it up to Calverton. This left stand in skipper Cowlard panicking more than Corporal Jones at who to stand down from the squad. Fortunately The Adonis was more than keen to don the white coat.

In the final XI we were boosted by the appearance of Dimp, star all rounder Ball and, on debut, Barrie Rainsford. Mind you Bally was in danger of changing alone, unpacking unwashed kit from three weeks ago, that had also been part of a beer fuelled laundry bin for toilet misjudgement. Fortunately Cowlard had a spare set of whites, though Bally resembled an olympic bobsledder once squeezed in.

Elsewhere, the Ferrari pit crew was not losing any sleep, as a tyre change on HMS Collison was being timed by a calendar.

Amazingly at 1.30 it was a prompt start with 11 v 11, and we were invited to bat first on a very damp track. On paper our batting order had less depth than one of the puddles in the car park. Duncan Disorderly was given the responsibility of opening with Evergreen Ern'. This was the slowest and lowest of wickets and both opted for defence early on. Seasoned onlookers were rubbing their eyes thinking they were watching Brearley opening with Tavare as Ernie took 25 balls and Dunc 21 balls to register a run. However, plenty of extras saw us up to 19-0 after 10 overs. Gradually Ernie nudged himself into form and dominated the partnership, which grittily reached 72 at the drinks break. Duncan had matched his previous high score of 8 but was then out having survived 69 balls and given us a good platform.

Bally went in at no.3 to pinch hit, but was pinching himself as a grubber caught him plum in front for just 2. Ernie was joined by Drurs and brought up his 50 by being caught on the boundary, only for the fielder to sheepishly acknowledge that he'd put a foot on the boundary line. Ern ran out of puff soon after for a vital 61.

Rocky Rainsford strode in at no.5 for his first KCC innings. The KCC hierarchy had pulled out all the stops to secure his signature, matching the lure of IPL rupees with the offer of a free sunhat. This deck was the complete opposite of the batting paradise that Baz had prepared for us at the same time last year as stand-in groundsman. It was a case of eking out as many as possible and the middle order pair put on 50 before both perishing in the final overs, Barrie for 18, and then Drurs for 38.

Cowlard tried to improvise using the back of his bat, but succeeded only in chipping a simple catch for 1. Fortunately JR and Tuckers had more agricultural shots in the locker adding a priceless 15 in the last 2 overs.

A score of 159-7 at the break was definitely competitive. Tea by Tuckers was a monstrous feast, with ingredients supplied by No.8 and the Fruit Basket (Nottingham's finest delicatessen and greengrocers). Freshly sliced gherkins and radishes had the KCC gourmets purring, but the highlight was a vast fruit platter with fresh cherries and melon taking the lead. Word spread quickly and Dafty, Tommy and Coops didn't need asking twice to help polish off the banquet.

We needed an early breakthrough and Leggy gave himself every chance to prove that bad balls take wickets serving up a shocker every other ball. It was all too much for Trumpton's free scoring opener who miscued a full toss to Bally's safe buckets.
Down the hill Cowlard bowled another fantastic spell of 8 overs, getting through 6 overs before conceding a run off the bat, and taking three wickets for good measure, one a wicked leg stump yorker that had Ern and Dimps drooling behind the stumps. At 40-4 we were on top.

Leggy bowled his spell unchanged and clipped the top of off stump in his final over to finish with figures of 2-52 off 12 overs. Change bowlers Bally and Barrie bowled well without luck, but the visitor’s no.5 batted very well reaching 50 to put the game on a knife edge with 50 needed off 12 overs with 5 wickets to take.

It was time for Cowlard to unleash the Tollerton Express. Vinny paced his run up out to the shadows of HMS Collison; however, signs of rust were evident as his first approach resembled a Cristiano Ronaldo dribble. A shorter run up saw the Vinster resemble Cocko in his pomp mixing unplayable lift with some Joel Garner yorkers. At the other end Cowlard came back and made the crucial breakthrough clean bowling the no.5 for a fine 55. Andy completed a wicket maiden, and Vin bowled 13 successive dot balls to raise the run rate.

Fantastic fielding supported tight bowling. Carthorses’ Legge and Drury were transformed into Nijinsky and Shergar, while Tuckers and JR were quicker off the mark than Usain Bolt. Tuckers spilling some claret after taking a cover drive on the chin. At times it felt like we had 12 men, and in a way we did, as a rasping square cut hit the edge of the astroturf to turn a certain four into a single. Tommy gave the fielding point to Drurs, but your reporter felt Duncan's diving scoop back to save a boundary summed up the never say die attitude. To top it all off Bazzer took a stunning catch at short mid on off the Tollerton Express.

Thrumpton now needed 24 off 12 balls. A huge 6 from the burly no.10 raised the roof from the away support, but Vin held his nerve to leave 13 off the final over. Barrie used all his evening league experience to close the game out with fielders spread to all parts of South Nottinghamshire. Thrumpton finished on 150-9 to see us seal a fantastic victory, through an all round team effort, where we just refused to lose. Baz went for just 33 in 10 overs, Vinny took 1-19 in 6 overs, while Cowlard stole the show with majestic figures of 12-7-12-5. 18 points and up to 2nd in the table. Happy days.

FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THIS CRAP MATCH REPORT BELOW. OR WRITE YOUR OWN, IT'S SURE TO BE BETTER....