So near but yet so far for the Firsts

The Firsts took the short journey to Kimberley buoyed after their thrashing of Loughborough Carillion the previous week. The only change was to bring in Wozza for his first outing of the season following his recovery from a back injury. Dessy looked like a freshly cooked lobster, blaming the blazing sunshine beaming down on the Western Terrace at Headlingly the previous day… sunshine?…Yorkshire?… others suspected a visit to the local Tan-erife.

Laddy, IG, Wozza and Rob Baker were all at the Test on Friday, meaning that our top 3 had been on a 15-hour bonding session, getting to bed at 3am. Laddy predicted 50 runs between them would be a good return.

Skipper Rendu returned to form and was a late arrival, allowing Bobby to lose the toss - a Baker tradition.

Ladd and Graham hobbled to the wicket like Steptoe & Son, courtesy of a 15-pint hangover. The KCC openers got off to a reasonable start considering their condition, but quick singles and threes were clearly not the order of the day. The Kimberley openers bowled a steady line and length spell on a slow pitch that tended to keep low. IG was soon out for 10, and retired to the hill for a power nap. After playing out a patient innings, Laddy chased a wide one and was caught behind for 17.

The glowing Dessaur was quickly out for 3, ignoring the advice to get forward, and was out LBW whilst trying to pull. The opening 3 produced just 39 – probably matching the number of pints consumed between them the previous day.

At 54-3 off 20, KCC needed to steady the ship. Aussie Grant (52) and Tinno (48) batted patiently, putting away the bad ball, and save for one near run-out, ran sensibly to keep the scoreboard ticking.

Off the field, Rob Baker gave a powerful rendition of ‘Smelly the Elephant’ – quickly clearing the watching spectators from around the changing rooms.

XXXX Grant was out stumped going for one big shot too many, after advancing the score to 140-4 after 40 overs. The innings closed slightly below par on 170-9, with Dave Strong adding yet another not out to his KCC career.

Tea was a typical old school affair with fairy cakes topped with glacé cherries, and fat boy slim Dave Garland breaking his chair the highlights.

KCC took to the field in a light drizzle that remained all afternoon, with Bobby Baker, ever the optimist, needlessly wearing his sunglasses on his head for the entire innings. With Wozza struggling with his back in the cold and damp conditions, Stuart Meek was on hand to literally step into Warren’s shoes (and the rest of his kit) to save Keyworth from fielding with one short.

The Kimberley openers came out with attacking intent, and with a few firm hits including a straight drive back over Rendu’s head for 6, quickly put 25 on the board. Following a good recovery from the skipper and Andy Hiller, Laddy put down a chance at 1st slip. Perhaps he could enlist the help of his new 6-fingered friends in Hickling to improve his catching?

The slippery conditions on the ground were not helping the fielding side. Skipper Rendu did a full length Jayne Torvil-like fall when saving a quick single and Bobby Baker made running up the famous Kimberley slope look as though he was scaling the north face of the Eiger. Meanwhile, Grant (you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry) Parker couldn’t hold onto the slippery soap to stop the ball going for four and vented his frustration on the ground, his new cap and then the Kimberley opposition with his usual brand of sledging.

At 82-2 off 20 overs Kimberley were in the driving seat, but with IG and Bobby bowling tight lines, KCC managed to put the brakes on. With Tinno and Rocket taking a great catches, the Millers were on a roll, and the pressure started to mount on the Kimberley batsmen. After 40 overs, the score was 135-4, but a succession of quick wickets from IG and Baker got the Millers dreaming of a famous victory.

It came down to 7 being required off the last over with 2 wickets remaining. But it was not to be, and with two fours, the match was over.

Despite their first loss of the season, the Millers will go into next weekends matches full of confidence, knowing that performances like this every week should see them challenging at the right end of the table come the end of the season.


MOM – XXXX Grant Parker (for batting and sledging prowess)
TFC – Wozza

MOM Total : Ian Graham 1, Andy Hiller 1, Grant Parker 1

Murali Turns It For Stiffs

A fine win for the Stiffs at home to Long Whatton.

Where to begin on a day with enough laughs to last a whole season? The fun and games started before the off. HM Customs paid a flying visit to the ground on a tip off that Albanian immigrants were being smuggled into Keyworth. Happily it proved to be a misunderstanding, simply half the squad appearing from the back of Ted’s Artex van.

Pre-match catching practise got out of hand as usual, a stray throw from Cowlard rebounded off the wall straight onto Matt Burton’s new Jag’. Fortunately it was a glancing blow.

Losing the toss, we were put in. Unaware that the match was reduced to 40 overs, Drurs and Potty set off like Boycott and Tavare, determined to see off the new ball paper boy attack. Fortunately season ticket holders Lorraine and Cath had an industrial size flask of strong coffee to get them through the tedious early overs.

Drurs was clearly confused from the pre-match discussion about how you couldn’t be out off certain balls, ridiculously cutting a wide to point for 16. Potty followed soon after for 13. And this set about a revolving door policy for the rest of the innings: as soon as people got in, they got out.

DJ Spence looked in great touch until too much bottom hand saw him caught at mid-wicket for 21: later heavily fined by Ted “a shit shot to go with your shit shoes”. Aussie Doug had failed to warm up and pulled his thigh second ball, and was clearly going to deal only in boundaries, but was out for 5 playing a shot more at home on the bouncy tracks of Perth. Top Man Burton was another who got in then out for 8.

Meanwhile Benji was sailing along. Father Ted asked, “how many has he got?” clearly fearing another expensive jug. “18” came the reply to startle the skipper. But it could have just as easily have been 80 as 18 given the way Dave Hiller was cooking the books. Ben got no further, struck down by the Cowlard Virus, bowled swishing to leg.

The highlight of this match, and probably the season, was the innings of Cowlard. Keyworth legends Meek and Palmer were boiling over at the prospect of Leggy standing as umpire to his great mate. And Boss Hogg didn’t disappoint. AC was struck on the pad, and Leggy’s finger was up before the bowler had appealed, a reaction time quicker than Ben Johnson on steroids.

Cowlard trudged off feeling kippered. Meanwhile there was no sympathy from the stands. Meeky had set the Steve Rendu clock to time Cowlard’s knock: “Andy, the clock hasn’t moved” quipped Meeky, “a bit like your feet” chipped in Palmer. AC was adamant he was two yards down and the ball was swinging to leg. Non-striker Ted later confirmed: “I’d have given it out with my eyes closed”.

Boom Boom shored up the late order with some classic leg side lofts for an unbeaten 26. Ernie guided a quick 16 down to third man. Sheriff Hallam’s early season form had been Bradman-esque so it was no surprise to see him bowled for a golden duck. Dave Hiller was last out to see us to a reasonable 147 at tea.

Tea was sponsored by Top Man. Leggy had clearly decided that umpiring at both ends deserved two teas. His review of this week’s fayre was ‘workmanlike’. Highlights were Bob Green’s ham sandwiches, the downside the Show raffle tickets for dessert.

In reply Cowlard and Dangerous Dave 1 in 4 Hill(i)er bowled good spells but at 30-0 we needed a breakthrough. Drurs took a sharp catch at mid off to see off one of the openers, but we needed a bit of magic.

Much to the relief of the senior pros, flighted filth was introduced for the first time this season. Ted was a little alarmed as Matt asked: “skipper, what would you like me to bowl?” But Murali immediately turned the match. Matt wasn’t sure which way the ball would turn so cleverly bowled a straight full toss that Leggy happily judged to be plum.

Then one of the most comic dismissals in living memory. Long Whatton’s big hitting no.4 tried to tickle Murali’s doosra around the corner, only to slip on the footholds. Gravity took over and the big fella pirouetted ungracefully to the floor. Upturned like a turtle, he did a passable version of a 1980’s breakdance backspin, only for a trailing leg to smash the stumps to the floor.

We were then well on top but heavy drizzle was in the air. We quickly chipped away at the wickets while the run rate rose: 60 off 10 then 40 off 4. As ever, panic wasn’t far away. Dangerous Dave Hiller took the advice to bowl ‘full and straight’ to the extreme, delivering a waist high full toss that was top edged into the Vicarage for six. This worked in our favour though as the bar of soap was switched for a nice dry ball to see out the remaining balls without alarm.

A win by seven runs and 18 points in the bag. Best bowling was from Murali: 4-32 off 10 overs, well supported by Hiller 2-40, Cowlard 1-36 and Hallam 1-23.

The fun didn’t stop there. The senior pros’ dressing room was blue with quite appalling language. Ted had to call young Hiller in for detention, such was the dog’s dinner that had been made of the scorebook. In the other corner, the Sheriff was incandescent with rage with thefts from his kit bag. Some KCC cheques had gone astray, only to be found where he’d left them, on the dressing room ledge. More worryingly his prized underwear and socks had been pinched and are still missing. Early reports that the outsize bloomers had been set aside as a spare sail for HMS Collison remain uncomfirmed. Poor Dave had to arrive commando at the Buzz much to the delight of the WAGS.

Difficult to imagine a more enjoyable day, and the laughs and piss taking went on long into the night.

MOM: Murali Burton

MOM in running: Jean 1, Potty 1, BJ 1, Sheriff 2, Murali 1

Barry 'Biffa' Newby

It is with great sadness to pass on the news that Biff passed away on Sunday morning after his long illness.

The thoughts of all at KCC are with Biff's family at this sad time.

Boys To Men

Keyworth 1st XI recorded their first victory of the season by battering Loughborough, who were plying their trade in 1A last season. Ten of the KCC players arrived by the 12.45pm deadline, but Chairman of Selectors Graham continued his “bigger than the club” attitude by turning up late again. The pavilion was reminiscent of Delhi, as Captain Rendu hoped to improve his more runs by tucking in to an Indian microwave meal for one, including naan bread. Meanwhile, the new KCC green caps (sponsored by Cottee Fibres) were dished out to great excitement.

Despite losing the toss, Rendu was happy to be inserted. Graham & Ladd put on a truly awful 40 partnership for the opening wicket, before Graham (33) played round a straight one. Ladd soon followed for 19, and Parker for 17. These scores didn’t look much but would prove to be worth double on a stodgy wicket and outfield. The atmosphere nearly turned nasty at drinks, with Garland spilling orange on Loughborough fat lad’s hand. As the tubbly lad wiped his hand down Garland’s back, steam appeared out of the KCC keeper’s ears, but he left before flattening the big unit. As the gentle breeze picked up, HMS Collison blew over – the sightscreen saved from someone’s back garden by the sturdy hedge at the bottom end. Distracted, the middle and late order made little impression, aside from Geoff Tindsley’s patient performance. He batted for nearly 30 overs for 46*, and with Andy Hiller having learnt to hit if off the square over the winter, the Millers reached 173-9 off 48 overs. Loughboro came off looking pleased, but Club Statistician Barry knew this was at least a par score, particularly as new groundsman Barrie Rainsford had marked out boundaries that were nearer Plumtree than the wicket.

Tea was another quality affair from Justine Graham, ably assisted by Rebecca Collison, with cream tarts and juicy melons the highlights.

Rendu mirrored Fergie’s FA Cup Final half time team talk by throwing hot tea all over Baker’s generous backside. Garland was mesmirised, forgetting that he should get ready to keep. Baker was happy to lie to the umpires and opposition about the keeper’s “dodgy tummy”, although the spinners tea stained trousers did leave many wondering if Baker had also followed through. Despite loose bowels, the Millers made a tight start and at 13-2 off 10 overs, Loughboro were “behind the 8 ball”. Despite the best effort of Extras, who scored 10, the visitors disintergrated quicker than a Forest play-off side, with no player reaching double figures. Hiller and Rendu bowled bullet straight, and with 6 LBWs, tore through the batters. The fielders supported their strike force well, bar a horrible threw from Collison that missed keeper Garland by a mile, and Laddy who showed off his Billy Smart’s circus juggling in the slips by dropping a dolly. Aussie Doug brought shame on the team by appealing for an LBW from square leg which had the umpires squirming. With the tail in, Baker smelt some cheap wickets, and took 2-0 in 9 balls to wrap up the match. 39 all out must be a record low for Loughboro, who failed to hit a boundary in their innings. Hiller was the star man though returning 9-2-12-5 ; a Personal Best for KCC.

A great win for the Millers, whose mixed bag of “real men and metrosexuals” showed their true colours in the changing room afterwards. Parker made his debut in the showers, but turned his “match pants” inside out for the evening’s drinking. Tindsley’s glowing performance on the field was matched by his shiny skin off it thanks to his L’Oreal moisturiser. However it was captain Rendu who stole the show with a sleeveless figure hugging T-shirt that was more camp than a row of pink tents.

MOM : Andy Hiller
TFC : Dale Collison

MOM Total : Ian Graham 1, Andy Hiller 1

Sheriff Swings It For Stiffs

The Stiffs put their nightmare start to the season well and truly behind them with a second win on the spin away to Fiskerton.

Drurs was a late withdrawal allowing a straight swap (on fielding inability) with Leggy. With Bomber Graham back for the Firsts, Tony Spence was a victim of the new ECB guidelines on average team height, but earned a well-deserved promotion to the Stiffs.

The weather was squally and the pitch a pudding and we were glad to bowl first. Cowlard had clearly been re-modelling his action on Steve Harmison spraying it around much more than usual. However Dave 1 in 4 Hill(i)er was in fine form with magic figures like a PIN number: 9-5-6-2. The Sheriff had been keeping his powder dry for a couple of weeks but now had his radar bang on. The Fiskerton batters had no answer as Dave took 6-26, including a clean bowled off the last ball to get maximum bowling points.

Inspired by the arrival of Pistol Pete Hardy to reminisce about his glory days at cover point, our out-fielding was again spot on with no drops. Even Boss Hogg gobbled a dolly at mid-off surprising himself as much as his team mates.

103 all out was a great display. KCC’s rotund food critic described tea as “bog standard fayre”. Highlights were the cherry bakewells, lowlights the out of date scotch eggs.

The KCC batters were given extra incentive to hang on to their places with news that Laddy was making an even stronger case for promotion to the Stiffs. Potty was even prepared to put his crown jewels on the line, in the space of a few balls going from bass to baritone to tenor, copping two deliveries amidships, much to the amusement of all. Less funny was his leg stump being up-rooted a few balls later.

Top Man Burton was not going to hang around and whacked a brisk 29 that put us on top. But wickets kept falling. Cowlard felt he had license to bring back his cross-batted slog after Drurs had added it to his repertoire the previous week, but only added to the fines committee’s notes playing too soon to be caught off a top edge.

Fortunately we had plenty of experience in the late middle order. Ted and the Sheriff played sensibly until BoomBoom was caught and bowled off a leading edge with only a few needed. Sheriff capped a memorable day hitting the winning runs with 2½ overs to spare.

Another 20 points and up to 3rd in the table.

MOM: Sheriff Hallam

MOM in running: Jean 1, Potty 1, BJ 1, Sheriff 2

Soggy Aussies

Keyworth 1st XI made their first appearance of the season at the Field of Dreams against Gedling & Sherwood (based in West Bridgford – why is that?).
Captain Rendu continued his fine time-keeping form from last week with a 12.30pm arrival for 1.30pm start – is this really a new dawn for our skipper? Jobs were taken up with gusto by the lads, particularly the moving of the new bottom-end sightscreen. However, catastrophe struck the bumbling first teamers, as a stray supporting pole slipped from its bolt, and tore a hole in the sail of HMS Collison. Captain Dale was away holding hands with his wife in the Lake District, but was called to be informed of the setback. However, repairs were made and the game commenced ten minutes early as both sides feared the impending weather.

With Chairman of Selectors Graham off in London touting his talents to Middlesex and Surrey, Aussie Grant Parker was promoted to open up with Ladd. The lanky opener was soon back in the hutch after a leaden-footed swish was snaffled in the gully. Bigfoot Tony Spence came and went soon afterwards. After smashing an imperious drive to mid off, Spence ran on the shot and was run out by a direct hit. Tindsley and Parker saw us home to the first rain interval, but with tea looking resplendent in the pavilion, Geoff threw his wicket to allow himself to focus fully Jean’s sarnies, cakes and onion bhajis.

With Tindsley’s dismissal, Keyworth enjoyed its first all Aussie partnership (Barry Baker to check this stat) as Dougie made his debut at No.5. The Convicts were setting an electrifying pace, and at 130-3 with 15 overs to go, the Millers were well set until the rain set in. Parker had been the anchor, hitting a magnificent 90*, inspired by the pre-match pep talk from his chauffeur Ladd, who compared his swordsmanship to Ricky Ponting. Despite pleas from the Aussies, the Club Statistician should be scrubbing their scores from the history books. Graham therefore leads the 6s competition having hit the only maximum of the season, and Dougie will be facing a KCC career first baller next week!

The players retired to Buzz where the stark reality of the demise of English cricket was emphasised. In the KCC 130-3, the English contingent were 25-3, and the Aussies were 105-0! Baker departed to his Masterchef performance of steak & chips, the Youth Policy and Parker put on their gladrags for a night in Wetherspoons in town, whilst Strong & Ladd chose West Bridgford. Imagine their surprise when Bar Divorcee was deserted - the W.B. High Street resembling a Wild West ghost town. Their “Film Set Night” continued when they walked in to the Star Wars Freaks Bar, formerly known as Fire & Ice. All sorts of weird and wonderful creatures were loitering at the bar, but the arrival of two celebrity look-a-likes was the highlight - Eddie Jordan arm in arm with Madge Bishop from Neighbours!

MOM : Jean’s Tea
TFC : Laddy

MOM Total : Ian Graham 1

Seconds Go Potty

The Seconds dodged the showers to avenge their opening day loss to Farndon with a rout in the return fixture.

The first hurdle of the day was the two-mile hike from car park to pavilion. Experience told as the KCC seam attack used the wheels on their bags to add further ruts to what already looked a spicy green pitch.

On arrival at base camp, Drurs was delighted to see two physio’s benches in the pavilion, the home side being limbered up as part of a Newark College training course. Sadly a quick toss up saw us in the field before manipulations could begin.

The Farndon openers had clearly misread the playing conditions, setting off at 20/20 pace, Cowlard’s first two balls going for 6 then 4. Paul Lay, back behind the stumps, had to be reminded that his ‘one gets two’ shouts should be about wickets rather than shots to the boundary.

Ted felt like Captain Mainwaring, as half the team were panicking like lemmings, suggesting all manner of defensive fielding positions. Benji had clearly not fully read his Ladybird Book of Cricket as thoughts of nine men on the boundary were a touch excessive after 1.2 overs. Old head Cowlard knew it was a matter of patience and fourth ball took a simple caught and bowled from a short ball that popped.

Dave 1 in 4 Hillier was back in re-hab, despairing of if he would ever take another wicket. Drurs sagely suggested he simply bowl at off stump rather than following the batsman around the crease. Next ball the Farndon opener was bowled off peg shouldering arms. QED. The reckless batting continued, with all manner of hoiks and slogs just missing back-pedalling fielders. Cowlard then found the edge for Murali to grab a low chance at gully. 50-3 off 9 overs was breathless stuff.

Then calamity. Poor Liam dropped an absolute sitter off Bo Duke and we were hoping the physio’s benches would be replaced at tea by two psychiatrist’s couches. Ted was like Brearley though, immediately bringing Liam into the attack. And Liam was soon show-boating in his follow through as the Farndon middle-order groped at popping balls on an increasingly dodgy pitch.

On top, we didn’t want a break for rain, but fortunately there were as many holes in the clouds as in Leggy’s boxers from Tweedie’s. Upon the restart, Sheriff had a caught behind. Then Potty made a catch at mid-wicket, the dive solely for the benefit of his watching fan club.

The fielding highlight as ever came from the Clown Prince of Keyworth cricket. Boss Hogg charged in from square leg looking to prevent a quick single, only to collapse stiff-legged, like a cooling tower detonated by Fred Dibner. All Ted could think about was one of the giants with big feet in It’s A Knockout, scrabbling in a pile of hay for the one remaining football.

A couple of old heads hung around for a bit to make sure tea would be ready, but we soon polished off the tail. Drurs broke into a trot for the first time to catch one off Liam, and Top Man wrapped things up with a very sharp catch at slip off Dangerous Dave.

125 all out off 35 overs was a fine display. Hiller 3-25, Elliott.L, 2-20 and Hallam 2-26 were fine figures.

Tea was above average, chocolate marshmallows the old-fashioned highlight.

In reply, Potty and Drurs were outwardly confident, but bricking it on the inner, more out of form than Vaughan and Strauss, having contributed just 17 runs in total in the first two matches. The top six were all padded up after the calamity of recent weeks. Things weren’t helped by the pitch now resembling a corrugated roof. It was more like batting in SW19 than NG24 as the opening bowler served down a series of Pete Sampras smashes.

The Farndon attack though got too excited and bowled far too short. Potty took advantage hooking repeatedly for four. Without too many alarms we reached 50 without loss in the 9th over. Along the way Drurs had been harshly (in his eyes) fined for a Cowlard-esque pull through mid-wicket for four. Cowlard nodded with approval at the fine and the shot.

Things began to get easier as the home side’s heads dropped. Potty smashed his ninth boundary to reach his maiden KCC fifty and celebrated with two sixes over square leg to bring the scores level. Drurs was more patient and cleverly avoided a jug sneaking a single to win the match in the 24th over. Potty was unbeaten on a fine 66, Drurs on 45. A thumping 10 wicket win for a 20 point maximum.

MOM: Lee Potts
MOM in running: Jean 1, Sheriff 1, BJ 1, Potty 1

Quiz Night On Hold

Dear All

The KCC Committee has decided to postpone the legendary Quiz Night that was due to be held on Friday 18th May.

This is mainly driven by Nottingham Forest's appearance that night in the Play-off semi-final. Apparently some of you are Forest fans?

We also had a very successful Curry Night so we wanted to thank you for your support that night by giving you some time off from KCC events! However, to manage your disappointment, why not show your commitment to our Golf Day on Friday 15th June at Stanton-on-the-Wolds Golf Club - speak to Rob Baker or myself for more details. Or buy some Keyworth Show raffle tickets when Ted hands them out to theplayers - we love selling them!

You'll be glad to know that the new sightscreen is resplendent at the bottom end of the ground, and we have even bought some "springy stumps" to improve our practice facilities further after last year's bowling machine purchase and a redesign of our net facility this year!

See you at The Field of Dreams soon I hope.

Laddy
Head of Events

Get Ready To Clap

Thanks to Barry Baker our resident statistician for the following.......

KEYWORTH CRICKET CLUB - LANDMARK NOTICES
Last Updated 8 May 2007

Congratulations…

Dave Hallam’s appearance for the 2nd XI lifts him into 6th place on the All Time Appearances List, now in his 28th year playing for the club. Ernie Lay moves into 4th place on the list with 31 years.

Ian Graham's 145 v West Bridgford was the 6th highest individual innings for the club and Iggy’s 2nd best (he made 155 not out v Thrumpton last year)

Ted Elliott has already made this season the 13 runs he needed to move past 5000 runs in all XI’s for the club.

Landmarks Looming and Good Luck to them all…

Chris Ladd needs 155 runs this season to surpass 2000 1st XI career runs, Stephen Rendu 255 runs, Geoff Tindsley 275 runs and Ian Graham 421 runs to reach the same milestone. Geoff requires 221 runs to pass 2500 for any XI.

Rob Baker needs 17 runs this season to pass 2500 runs for the 1st XI and Warren Dessaur 300 runs and Stuart Meek 441 runs to pass the same milestone. Stuart requires 210 runs to pass 4500 for any XI. Dave Hallam needs 93 runs to pass 2000 in any XI and 55 to pass a 1000 for the 2nd XI.

Richard Drury needs 141 runs this season to pass 3500 runs playing in all XI’s for the club and 305 runs to pass 2000 for the 2nd XI. Ernie Lay needs 262 runs to pass 3500 for the 2nd XI and Ted Elliott needs 192 runs to pass 1000 for the 2nd XI.

Rob Baker & Ted Elliott were both on 247 1st XI appearances at the start of the season and need just three more each to pass the 250 appearances milestone.

Andrew Cowlard needs 118 runs this season to pass 1500 runs for the 2nd XI.

Rob Baker needs 14 sixes this season to achieve a century of 1st XI sixes. Ian Graham needs 17 & Stephen Rendu 20 for a half century of sixes. Rob needs 12 sixes to achieve a century in any XI.

Steve Rendu needs 4 wickets this season to top 150 wickets for the 1st XI. Rob Baker needs 33 wickets to surpass 450 wickets for the 1st XI and 31 wickets to pass 550 wickets for any XI. Stuart Meek needs 28 wickets to pass 350 wickets for any XI. Ian Graham needs 38 wickets to pass 100 for the 1st XI. Dave Hallam needs 36 wickets to pass 250 for the 2nd XI.

Ernie Lay needs 11 catches this season to take him past 250 catches for any XI and Ted Elliott 4 catches to pass his century of catches for any XI. Andrew Cowlard needs 2 catches to pass 50 for the 2nd XI.

Saturday's Dream Teams

1sts v Gedling & Sherwood CC, Field of Dreams 12.30 meet

1. Chris Ladd
2. Grant Parker
3. Tony Spence
4. Geoff Tindsley
5. Matt Dring (wk)
6. Stephen Rendu (C)
7. Doug Bayford
8. Dave Garland
9. Dave Strong
10. Rob Baker
11. Andy Hiller

2nds v Farndon, away, 12.20 at The Buzz or 1.00pm at ground

1. Richard Drury
2. Lee Potts
3. Matt Burton
4. Ben Elliott
5. Ted Elliott (C)
6. Paul Lay (Wkt)
7. Andy Cowlard
8. Dave Hallam
9. Liam Elliott
10. Dave Hiller
11. Chris Legge

It's Miller Time

Keyworth 1st XI returned to 1B after a lengthy absence with a trip to West Bridgfordians. Anticipation was so high that even captain Rendu made it to the ground before the 12.45pm deadline. Graham, Strong and Spence were the first to face the Fines Committee with some tardy entrances.

The players were soon sitting down for the pre-season pep talk from the skipper. Surprisingly, wine buff Rendu did not have the expected Semillon in his hand this year as he went through roles and responsibilities. The long haired buffoon did forget his No7 though, but a timely cough from Dale Collison ensured his place in the starting line-up.

Losing the toss, the Millers were inserted on what seemed a featherbed, as the sun shone down. The two oldest players in the team (Ladd at a mere 34 years was suprised at this stat, Graham, 38, was not) opened up. The experienced duo were soon into the swing of things, before Ladd spotted his girlfriend arriving in the car park and threw his wicket. Spence, worthily promoted after a masterful 4 the previous week in the Stiffs, continued the good work as the Millers passed 100. Tony’s demise was soon followed by Tindsley, stumped for a duck. With his foot behind the crease, Tindsley made sure by sliding it further back. This guilty move prompted the umpire to dismiss him. An over later, the white coat changed sides – “I couldn’t see because of the sun” he confessed. Parker hit a breezy 18 before missing a straight one, which saw Rendu to the crease. “He’s the one in the helmet?” asked the Bridgfordians scorer. “No” replied Garland, “that’s just hat and hair”. Crusty soon departed, after being dropped first ball and swishing at his sixth ball for a well crafted 5.

Throughout this steady stream of wickets, Bomber Graham was back to his best, smashing the attack to all parts, whilst lofting a few leading edges skillfully between fielders. Finally, Graham ran out of puff and departed for 145 – another cracking innings from a truly gifted cricketer. (He also happens to be Chairman of Selectors this year, so you won’t read a bad word about him on this website). Collison, Garland and Strong all chipped in to take KCC past 250 for 7. Strong remained not out yet again, to push his KCC average closer to three figures.

Tea was a repeat of last year, with the foodies amongst KCC fearing for a bout of scurvy as little fruit and veg were on display. Juicy melons saved the day.

After an early breakthrough from Rendu, Bridgfordians set about their reply with gusto and reached 100-1 after twenty. However, it was Handy Andy Hiller who broke through. Having had a caught behind turned down earlier in the over, he made the skipper play on. With Graham nagging away with his off spin, and lenghty appealing, the run rate mounted. The KCC fielding display was exemplary. Parker flung himself around, whilst Tony Spence’s size 14 feet swelled to 28s as he stopped everything that came his way on a choppy outfield with his clump feet. Tindsley did spill a half chance, due mainly to the squeal from Parker who thought he had held on. The sight of the maniacal Australian bearing down on Tindsley made him panic, and it popped out – the ball that is.

In the final overs, Ladd held a low slip catch off Hiller that saw the seventh man dismissed and the Millers ended with a winning draw and 17 points.

MOM : Ian Graham
TFC : Geoff Tindsley

MOM Total : Ian Graham 1

Last Ball Heartache

Another beautiful day at the Field of Dreams for the visit of old friends Wilsons. Groundsman Barrie had a flat tyre en route to the ground, so the pitch was barely visible from the square as Ted lost the toss and we were put in. Fortunately the mower arrived in the nick of time to reveal a beautiful loam topped strip.

Up against a big swinging new ball, Drurs, Potty and Murali made sure that the only wagon wheels they’d be looking at were on the tea time cake plate. Drurs played for a wide half volley, only to be bowled through his legs. Top Man was told of the huge swing by his outgoing mate, but failed to listen and was bowled first ball. Potty also soon lost his stumps and at 11-3 we were in a mess, the top order again looking more brittle than a pack of Ryvita past its sell-by date.

Elliott and Son set about repairing the damage with a fine stand of 90. BJ punished anything off his legs, and there was plenty on offer, hitting 10 boundaries in a fluent 51. Father Ted was more measured, carefully reaching 25. At 100-3 we were back in the game, but the return of the left arm swinger saw them both out quickly.

The KCC Executive had placed faith in youth by offering Sheriff Hallam a three year deal: only then to see the first year completely ruled out by injury. However, this was payback time and the Sheriff anchored the lower order with a splendid 29 n/o, including the shot of the day, a glorious back foot drive down to the Scout Hut.

Cowlard was looking good until trying a suicidal run to mid on that even Linford Christie would have turned down. Young Ern’ nurdled 14 and Liam slapped a quickfire 15.

182-8 at tea was a good recovery. Tea courtesy of the Legge’s was an Italian Dream. Pasta del tonno was the highlight, although Boss Hogg provided too much detail, advising the ingredients now included more beans to help with fibre for his dodgy Jonny Giles’s.

Boosted by two platefuls of grub, Cowlard had plenty of momentum coming down the hill, and bowled another fine spell. First, a proper wicket, Top Man taking an outside edge at first slip. Potty then held an absolute stunner, one-handed, at gully; although by the time he’d dived to the ball he was almost at fly slip! A fine spell of 2-35 off 12 for AC.

Sherrif battled up the hill, and was looking desperate to be taken off, until an in-swinging Yorker made sure he completed his spell unchanged: 1-29 off 12 overs was a great return.

Liam meanwhile was battling more with the demons in his head, and needed counselling after every ball. Leggy was much happier first change, and Young Ern’ rolled back the years with a fine stumping, much to the delight of Sticky Palmer’s Barmy Army gathered at cow corner. At 120-4 the game was in the balance. Benji replaced Liam and golden-arm got a caught behind first ball.

However the Wilson’s no.3 was batting well, with a bit of luck along the way, several lofted drives dropping just short of fielders, perhaps napping in the deep. The rate was up to seven off the last six and we looked to have all bases covered with some excellent stops. 22 were needed off the last two overs, but a couple of big slogs brought it down to 10 off the last. A huge six into the Vicarage then looked to have sealed it. But the nerves set in all round: Ted dropped a steepler at mid off, Drurs missed a run out by a whisker, and the scores were tied with a ball to go. A push to mid-wicket went straight to Potty who got the ball stuck in his hand, and then almost threw the ball underarm for six overthrows!

Everyone was gutted, but a great game, played in a fine spirit.

MOM: Sheriff and BJ (shared)
MOM in running: Jean 1, Sheriff 1, BJ 1

Second Team Photo Call

2nd Team photo before last Saturday's match v Farndon, resplendent in beautiful, new kit. Thanks to Chris Heppers for his snap happy skills. We didn't look quite so happy after the match!

Back row (L to R) Boom Boom, Top Man, Drurs, Bo Duke, DJ Vespa, Liam, Duncan Disorderly
Front row (L to R) BJ, Potty, Young Ern, Electric, Boss Hogg

Last Orders For Kit

I will be placing a new order for KCC kit after this weekend's matches. Please give me a shout if you need anything. Or sign up on the list on the Pavilion noticeboard. Cheers, Drurs

Saturday's 1st XI Dream Team

1st XI team to play West Bridgfordians
Saturday 5th May
West Bridgford
1.30pm start / 12.45pm meet

1. Chris Ladd
2. Ian Graham
3. Warran Dessaur (or substitute)
4. Geoff Tindsley
5. Grant Parker
6. Stephen Rendu (C)
7. Dale Collison
8. Dave Garland (wk)
9. Dave Strong
10. Andy Hiller
11. Dave Hiller

Scorer : TBC