Firsts Leave Kimberley Bitter

The Firsts were thumped away at Kimberley in a game made fractious by the weather.

All manner of selection worries beforehand. DJ Sammy had been dropped by the peleton so missed his ferry, so a debut was handed to 12 year old Tom 'Alfie' Hitchcock.

Rocket won a good toss, chose to field, and bowled a great first over on a green pitch, making an early breakthrough. We bowled a bit too short after that and Rocket spilled a sharp c&b. We didn't get another wicket until Dangerous Dave Hiller turned over his golden arm with another first over wicket.

Kimberley's no.4 was a fair bat, but clearly felt it beneath himself to be asked to play against a village outfit. Drurs could have put him out of his misery but dropped a sitter at mid off. At 80-2 we were under pressure.

Then Nelly joined the attack. Clearly he'd had a few looseners on his travels as he was back in the groove straight away, bowling a great spell, winning a series of mini battles with the middle order. Happy no.4 skulked off bowled without playing a shot, Laddy took a low slip catch, and Ted juggled a nick behind. In between times, Benji took a great diving catch off Hiller.

A late flourish took the home side to 180-9 off tea. Rob finished with magic figures of 5-32.

Tea was a dry effort, condiments still under wartime ration. The highlight was the arrival of Dessy.

The Postie continued to stutter, bowled for a golden. Drurs and Laddy spudded around for an over or two before the rain arrived. The game then turned on its head. We weren't keen to go back out as the wet outfield meant we were chasing about 250 and heads were down.

Drurs was bowled, Ted was on the wrong end of a shall we/shan't we call from Rocket, and Laddy walked to a plum LBW. Nelly and Meeky hoofed a few lofty blows but couldn't push on.

We eventually limped to just 98 all out. A meagre four points drops us down to 3rd.

MOM: Rob Baker
MOM in Running: Nelly 4, Golden 3, Meeky 2, Rendu 2, Laddy 1,

Stiffs Beat The Rain

The Stiffs raced to victory against Underwood to thwart the storm clouds advancing across the Trent Valley.

Skipper Cowlard pulled a masterstroke early doors, firstly starting play 20 minutes early, and then winning the toss and bowling first on a green-topper.

The Underwood batters were all at sea from Cowlard's opening salvoes, three wickets ripping out the top order.

The arrival of KCC legend Palmer had the usual impact on Boss Hog Leggy, raising his game in front of his sternest critic. Leggy was sitting on great figures of 4-20 until throwing down a last ball full toss which disappeared for six. Ground fielding was patchy, star all rounder Ball letting one drive disappear under his belly.

At tea though Underwood were skittled for 100.

Tea by Mr and Mrs Legge was a Meditteranean treat, tuna pasta the clear highlight.

In reply, the rain clouds were moving in, so we had to put the foot down. Cowlard promoted himself up the order and finally came good with the bat, whacking a quickfire 45.

The Underwood over rate dropped into single figures with all manner of delaying tactics. Top Man Matt Burton was having none of it and made sure he wouldn't be on the opposng skipper's Christmas card list. Cowlard placed himself on Nottingham Road to make sure the ball was returned as quick as possible.

Despite the time wasting, we got to our target for just two wickets down. Five minutes later the heavens opened, but 20 points were safely in the bag.

MOM Andy Cowlard
M.O.M In Running: Ernie 4, Leggy 2, Murali 1, Liam 1, Cowlard 1

Meek Makes Wilsons Wilt

A workmanlike victory for the Firsts at home to Wilsons.

We were down to the bare bones missing Golden on nappy duty, DJ Sammy and Laddy en vacances, and Nelly still trumpeting around the Indian Ocean. Dessy was seeing his agent, weighing up offers after his success in Celebrity Gay Love Island Ibiza: a stint in Celebrity Fit Club or a stunt double for Jean Claude Van Damne, among the possibilities.

Rendu won the toss for only the second time and chose to field. Dizzy then rocketed in from the Vicarage End with a hostile opening spell, while Meeky wobbled it around from the other, and we got a couple of early breakthroughs. Then no.4 Imran Khan biffed it all over for a quickfire 50 and things looked like getting away. The experiment of spin didn't work, so Rendu turned to Dave Hiller. Immy was immediately back in the hutch as Dangerous nipped one away, Boom Boom snaffling the catch.

We then strangled the middle order, Meeky bowled his 16 overs straight taking 3-35. Dangerous was bowling so well that Rocket had to bowl his second spell up the hill, perhaps a sign of things to come - there was talk that if it was good enough for Dizzy, then it would be good enough for Nelly.

Ground fielding was by and large excellent, although Meeky dived over one and the Elliott bros had black clouds following them all day; Liam pulled a fetlock in the paddock, and Benji had a teenage strop after a lecture on body language. Catching was excellent, Ted bagged a quartet, and Butch and Ben were safe under skyers.

Rendu finished with 4-55 off 13 and Hiller with top figures of 3-22 off 11. 141 all out was below par on a lifeless pitch.

Tea by Lorraine and friends had many highlights, the welcome return of Malt Loaf a particular treat.

Our batting didn't look to have much depth, so Rocket told Drurs to bat like Boycott and let the strokeplayers do the rest. Ted looked in good nick but got a leading edge to a slower ball. Tinpot took himself round the boundary after nicking a wide one. At 40-2 we were creaking. Meeky though was in no mood to mess around and bludgeoned 9 fours and 2 sixes in a rapid 57 before another leading edge.

Needing 10 to win, Skipper Rendu had a rare lapse of judgement, shouldering arms to one that pitched on, and then hit, middle.

Young Benji timed one off his legs for four, and it was left to Drury to stroke the winning cover drive, ending unbeaten on 41. A solid victory by 6 wickets with plenty of overs to spare.

MOM: Meeky. MOM in Running: Nelly 3, Golden 3, Meeky 2, Rendu 2, Laddy 1,

Lay And Spence At The Double

A run fest as the Stiffs win on the road at Balderton.

After last week's solid batting performance, we had no qualms after making first use of a flat deck and quick outfield. And once again it was Evergreen Ernie Lay who led from the front. As usual Ernie batted three yards out of his crease and drove the bowlers to distraction helping himself to a magnificent 100. Top Man Matt Burton gave good support with 43. 248-6 was our biggest score for some time.

Tea wasn't at all bad, the highlight being a the nice cup of rosie, when it eventually arrived.

Balderton were never in the hunt in reply. Skipper Cowlard bowled a good opening spell and was convinced at having the opposition skipper caught behind. This fired our boys up even further and DJ Vespa was in mean mood using his height to pin the batters back in the crease. Tony took 6 wickets and Balberton folded to 176 all out.

20 points boosts our average, and 2nd spot is only another win away.

M.O.M. Ernie. M.O.M In Running: Ernie 4, Leggy 2, Murali 1, Liam 1

Cereal Ton As Golden Graham Milks Hucknall

The Millers pulled off a great win away at Hucknall on a glorious day north of the river (not often that is said).

The outfield was like the greens of the Old Course, and the sun shone, so inevitably the Millers took to the field and bowled first. Rendu was eager to get out of the dressing room that was suffering the after effects of Race Night's Baajis courtesy of Jean.

KCC were missing key players - Meek wanted to get his eye in and dropped to the twos, Sam was nursing concussion, and Nelly the Elephant was trumpeting his way around the Maldives, the locals showing concern that Nelly would flatten their huts with his Dawn Patrol march.

Hucknall got off to a flyer scoring 70 off 10 overs. However it was Dave Hiller and Ian Graham who slowed the run rate and took wickets, supported by some good ground fielding. The home side struggled to kick on, and got to 213 for 5 thanks to some edges in the last few overs.

The score was below par on a featherbed. Tea was a good effort, jaffa cakes and freshfruit the highlights, along with Monty's charge at The Open.

KCC got off to the usual flyer, thanks to Golden Graham's lusty blows. Yet again, Laddy saw snakes in the pitch after late cutting his first ball for four. He departed for 7 and was followed at regular intervals thereafter.

The bowlers were clearly picking on the other batsmen, as Graham helped himself to a another quite magnificent hundred. With 12 needed to win, Golden did his maths and hit 6 for his own 150. Next ball could win us the match so, in true carry-on-Keyworth style, he hit it straight down long off's throat.

Tuckers was plumb to a long hop, and it was down to the Flowerpot twins. Andy missed 12 balls, then late cut a four and flicked another boundary to see us home. Team mates were unclear which one of the twins to congratulate, but a fine win, despite the one-man batting show.

Meanwhile, it was midnight in paradise, but the honeymooners had other things on their minds . Paula was trying to sleep, whilst Nelly phoned in for the result having quaffed a bottle of red and several cocktails to ease his nerves - Ah, young love!!!

MOM - Golden Graham

MOM in Running: Nelly 3, Golden 3, Laddy 1, Meeky 1, Rendu 2

Ernie Lays It Down To Chilwell

The Fortress of Dreams looked a picture on a balmy Summer day for the visit of Chilwell. Cowlard, Greats and DJ Spence were missing, Drurs returned as the sun was shining. More concerning was the absence of star all rounder Ball, and Meeky had to be summoned from the Firsts to plug the gap.

The week after Keyworth Show regularly brings the best pitch of the season, so our batters were crying into their lunchtime beer with news that Top Man Burton was planning to bowl first. Hearing the news, KCC legend Palmer opted for a long bike ride to Hickling. Fortunately we tossed up with a double-headed coin; Lay and Drury didn't need asking twice to make use of the belter.

40 was up in rapid time, before Drurs got a good one, bowled for 18. Burton looked unhappy to follow soon after LBW. Hard to believe, but Meek's eyes were bigger than his belly at a juicy long hop, holing out to deep extra. Lay Snr and Jr settled the nerves with a steady partnership, until Paul played one slog too many and was bowled for 21. Pistol Pete played a few trademark front foot cuts, but soon persished. Sheriff Hallam, celebrating his 60th birthday weekend, played a majestic leg glance in a quickfire 18. All the while Ernie continued on his merry way, giving a running commentary to every ball. Ern' finally ran out of steam, but got a standing ovation for his 72.

Boss Hogg Leggy took responsibility for the tail. Not much of the wagon wheel needed completing as all his 19 runs came in the arc from square leg to cow corner. Duncan Tarran was delighted with his single.

197-9 at tea silenced the doubters. Tea by Mr Beeton was exceedingly good, cherry bakewells the highlight.

Difficult to fathom the approach Chilwell took to their reply. At no time during the 45 overs did they show any inclination to bat for a win. Early breakthroughs from Cabbage Head and Sheriff left Chilwell 30 odd for 3 off 20 overs. Leggy was regretting his three visits to the cake tray, with several fumbles in the field, and could get no joy from the benign pitch with his bowling.

The field position chart wasn't required as our troops were manouevred according to the Keyworth Show stalls, still written in whitewash on the field. Penfold Pete was in his element all afternoon shuttling between the cake stall and the target golf.

Meek brought on the spin twins Murali and Drurs to try to get Chilwell to have a go, but to no avail. No amount of jib or banter could deflect the batters from their grim occupation. Paul 'One Gets Two' Lay, made the wry observation that the opposition were playing for the light, as the moon (no joke) came out.

Finally, in the last over, Meeky offered £20 for a boundary off his bowling. The bet wasn't matched but gallows humour followed as a long hop disappeared over square leg.

144-7 was a turgid effort. Still 18 points cements our position in the top half.

MOM: Evergreen Ernie Lay

M.O.M In Running: Ernie 3, Leggy 2, Murali 1, Liam 1

Record Race Night Receipts

Thanks to all who came along and gave their support - we raised over £450 for club funds.

Top jobs done by the incomparable Meeky on the Mike, Jean on the buffet, and Ted and crew on the Tote.

Highlight was the Tuckers' owned U R Soul romping away with the 4th.

Race Night This Friday

KCC Race Night takes place this Friday
At The Key IV Life

First Race 8.00
Jean's legendary buffet included
A snip at £4

Plum Cup Draw

Quarter Finals of Popkess Cup.
Keyworth CC of 1C v Plumtree CC of 1A.
Sunday 7th August.
Place your bets.

Baker Bowls Maiden Over

No games at the weekend as KCC celebrated Rob and Paula getting married.

Nelly Leaves Circus With Cup Win

Keyworth CC booted the current leaders of 1A out of the cup for the second consecutive year with a magical display away at Long Eaton.

Rendu went out to toss with their captain who was eager to speak about their plans for a League and Cup double. Back in the changing room, and lacking a few first-teamers, Rocket was his usual self in his man management skills. "How's your left arm spin Wozzer?" "Not great, but my right arm spin is fine" came the reply.

Meanwhile, Benjy was reluctant to leave the dressing room without a Scooby Snack and Shaggy for company having been spooked the night before by Old Man Withers. Long Eaton got off to a flyer. Then the circus started as the entire Elliot clan put down catches. Rumours abounded that Cowlard and Tuckers were also fathered by Ted as they showed that they were jugglers who couldn't catch - five clowns in one team.

Then hope arrived as the Band Stand started up. The music rallied the Millers with Dave Hiller and Marcel Dess(aill)y bowling great spells.

However, it was their dedication of "Nelly the Elephant" to our heavy boned spinner that got Baker blowing his own trumpet with four wickets. 180 off 45 overs was average on a glass outfield.

Tea, was steady, whilst the large away support tucked in to Vino Tinto with gusto.

KCC openers came out as if fired from a cannon. Sammy had a couple of failed hooks off their opener, but middled the third. Laddy flicked and fluked his way to the usual 20% and KCC were 70 for 0 off 10. A few wickets fell, and the circus act of the lower order got twitchy.

However it was the old timers, Dessy and Nelly, who saw the Millers home with 30 each with overs to spare. After last year's defeat of the Plums, the Millers took this scalp in their stride, and off they went with a Trumpety Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump!

MOM - Nelly the Elephant
MOM In Running: Nelly 3, Golden 2, Laddy 1, Meeky 1, Rendu 2

Firsts Second After Winning Draw

The Fortress saw another solid performance from the Firsts against Kirkby Portland.

We missed Golden Graham, The Butcher and Dale, but the Ibiza boys were back in town. As so often happens, a big Friday night on the lash concentrated minds.

DJ Sammy and Vat Man Ladd made a safe and steady start putting on nearly 50 before Sammy left to concentrate on teas. Laddy reached before 50 before correctly judging this was around his 20% for the day.

Tinno, in need of a big score, looked serene and we were well placed at 100-2 off 30 overs. Ted Vegas was more swashbuckling, finding his trademark flick of the legs in good order. Kirkby's pie chucker put the brakes on a bit and Tinpot was out for 21 to a Gilchrist slog. Rendu struck the ball sweetly but as ever found the fielders, but made a pedigree 30.

Ted was finally out of luck and breath for 52, but not before a showboating, bat-kissing clip over mid wicket from a yard outside off. The cavalry arrived. Meeky's batting order merry-go-round landed at the 6 jacket, and he upped the rate with 2 sixes in a quick fire 23. Baker was the recipient of a dreadful drop, but could only make 3.

It was left to Jean Claude Van Dessy to reach double figures for the season with a beautiful dab through gully, and a Lara-esque pull over square leg. Tuckers blocked out the last over to get us to a very respectable 233-7 at tea.

Tea by Mrs Bradley was a beaut. The highlight was split between the chocolate fruit fondue and basmati meatballs.

Skipper Gillespie came steaming in down the hill and quickly found the edge, Laddy plucking the cherry. Meeky then gained a plum LBW. Rocket responded with an amazing run out deflecting the ball on his follow through. A couple more wickets and we were on to top at 40-5.

An opposition rearguard saw one chap score a decent 80, but once he'd gone the tail end Charlies showed no interest in the game. However hard we tried we couldn't get a breakthrough. Kirkby limped to 162-8, Rocket taking 4 wickets, Bobby and Meeky 2 each.

A winning draw and 17 points sees us jump up to 2nd in the table.

M.O.M. Rocket
M.O.M In Running: Bobby 2, Golden 2, Laddy 1, Meeky 1, Rendu 2

Seconds Stuffed At Stanton

Downhill all the way after a promising start for the Stiffs away at high flying Stanton.

Bowling first we were well on top. The Cabbage Patch kid bowled a great spell, at one stage having figures of 3 for 6 off 6 overs. At 40-6 the home side were in all sorts. However, we couldn't press home the advantage. One batter made 70-odd, despite only having one shot, but a shot that we kept bowling to.

Ground fielding was better than of late, Sandy taking a great catch. But Murali Burton was day-dreaming in the deep allowing a skier to go over his head for 4. Liam got a bit of tap late on but finished with 5 wickets. 170-9 at tea was a competitive score.

Tea required a long walk but was by no means the worst of the season.

In reply we were soon in disarray. Star all rounder Ball was distracted by a Kawasaki rally behind the bowler's arm and went for a duck. Top Man Burton and Skipper Cowlard both perished cheaply, along with Dimps and Young Benji.

Ernie held on gamely at one end to make 30 odd, but it was a procession at the other, and we folded like a pack of cards to be 51 all out.

M.O.M. Liam Elliott
M.O.M In Running: Leggy 2, Murali 1, Ernie 2, Liam 1