Seconds Bounce Back At Balderton

Away at Balderton, the home side had clearly realised that several Millers were carrying a pound or two overweight, laying on a portakabin sauna to change in. And temperatures reached boiling point as skipper Cowlard won the toss and stuck us into the field under a red hot sun.

Moley started bowling a Trent Bridge net length but soon realised that straight and full was the order of the day. Balderton had clearly been to the library to rent a DVD of Cowlard’s all time worst cross-batted dismissals. First the opener miscued to mid-wicket, where Ball was statuesque, like Nelson on his column, reacting only just in time to make the catch.

In his next over Moley was on a hat-trick. First a dreadful cross-bat castled the no.3. Then Paul ‘One Gets Two’ Lay was again prophetic as a shout of “anyone can get a first baller”, was followed by a carbon copy hoik to one that didn’t require Hawkeye to show it was pitching middle and hitting middle. 40-3 was a great start.

Our old friend and ex-Scumtree stalwart Smarty then looked dangerous, but just couldn’t resist having a whack at a wide half volley from Murali Burton, Drurs taking a sharp catch at short extra.

We were then held up, but ultimately helped, by the Balderton paper boys: strong in technique, but weak in runs. It was like watching Drurs bat at both ends. We must have gone 15 fifteen overs conceding only one boundary, some effort on a car bonnet of an outfield. The only blemish saw Paul Lay in no man’s land at deep mid off, waving at a lofted drive that dropped inside the ropes. This cheered Dimps up no end. But sadly soon after, Dimples gave more fodder to the tabloid hacks, fumbling a routine chance at square leg, with much guffawing all round.

We made ground fielding look like hard work. Moley took the long barrier to the extreme, laying down full length to only half stop a cover drive. Bally was in line for the fielding point with a showbiz one handed catch of Leggy, then promptly lost it, allowing three runs, almost out-jogged to the ball by the Adonis. Cowlard went mardy, first unable to pick one up cleanly in the deep, then turning his back on a simple run out chance at the bowler’s end, unhappy that Leggy had politely let the paper boy run past him before picking up the ball.

Despite all this fun, this was one of our best defensive bowling performances for a long time. Restricting the home side to 166-8 was a great effort, especially as we bowled 3 extra overs in wides. Hard to split Cowlard 1-37 off 11, Moley 3-40 off 8, Murali 1-36 off 11 and Leggy 3-30 off 13 (somehow Boss Hog sneaked in an extra over!).

The highlights of tea were being out of the sun and chocolate marshmallows.

After a series of dismal run chases, Cowlard shook up the batting order. Drurs escaped the axe, and repaid the faith by clipping a full toss to mid on for 10. Butch found the pitch to his liking cutting and chopping with relish. Bally was promoted to no.3 and responded with a fine array of nudges and nurdles. Butch was bowled off his pads for a fine 23, then Bally made the schoolboy error of getting out off the last ball before drinks for 37.

Ernie batted serenely for a fine 30, including the shot of the day, a rasping straight drive that would have reached Newark High Street, then ran himself out under no pressure.

Skipper Cowlard’s innings was almost over before it started. Having practised playing straight at Wednesday night nets, it predictably took just four balls for the cross-bat swipe to reappear, but was amazingly dropped at square leg. Andy knew his luck was in, dropped twice more to howls of derision from the boundary edge, in a head-shaking unbeaten knock of 17. Top Man Burton at the other end was in better fettle, four boundaries in his 18, seeing us home with 8 overs to spare.

MOM: Murali Burton
MOM in running: Benji 2, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2

Leggy’s worries about an expensive all nighter on the sauce with Cowlard, were put aside with the presentation of the £100 Baby’s Weight cheque to ease the stress on his wallet.