Fixture List

2009 Fixtures are now available. We may have a couple more Sunday fixtures. Click on the link on the right hand side ------>

Village Idiots

The KCC dimwits once again fell at the first fence of the Village Quiz on Monday night.

After successive first round exits, Laddy had jumped before he was pushed as Chairman of Selectors, leaving Cliff to play the Andy Flower role. Sadly Laddy had also taken the future Mrs Ladd with him, leaving us to make up 75% of last year's points total.

The Millers were overjoyed to see quiz veteran The Adonis in the front row of the Village Hall stalls, but hopes were dashed to find he was once again in the Rugby Club quartet.

Leggy once again skippered the squad, supported by Barry and Drurs, simply because no one else was available. Completing the foursome was Duncan Disorderly, on debut, hoping to add the right chemistry to the team. Though on paper this team was more suited to Bring on the Wall than Brain of Britain.

Leggy won the toss and invited the Tennis Club, two time champions no less, to serve. A round on American music from the 1960s hardly played to our strengths and we were 16-9 behind after the first set. The individual round highlighted the weak seeds in the Tennis Club line up and amazingly we were 31-29 up going into the buzzer round.

Still we hadn't bargained on the Tennis Club's star man having the entire contents of Wikipedia scribbled on the inside of his pencil case. We were slow on the buzzers and scraped in with a couple of correct answers courtesy of Colin Montgomerie and Peter Moores. But this was akin to a Sabina Park collapse to see us roundly thrashed 54-38, to leave quizmaster Mr Daft shaking his head in dismay at how a South Wolds education could be so wasted.

Still it's the taking part that counts.

And They're Off...

A cracking morning on Saturday, at Trent Bridge, in the Hadlee Suite, 9-10, saw 14 budding stars of the future take their first steps on the road to stardom.

A brilliant morning with loads of talent on offer and an abundance of the Keyworth spirit and camaraderie left Mr Tuckwell and the Boss excited over their McDonalds coffee, and great optimism for the season ahead and future.


First XI Captain and star man, Graham, cast his experienced eye over the new crop and passed on some of his expertise, which was very much appreciated.

Other guest appearances may include...

Week 2: Baker - Conservative Batting.

Week 3: Paul Lay -Cliches

Week 4: Garland and Bayford - Flighted Filth!

Week 5: Dale - Nicknames, Wensley... Emmer... Chippen...

Week 6: Ernie - Allignment

Week 7: Hiller Sisters - Spot the Difference

Week 8: Rendu - Ettiquette and time keeping

Week 9: Butch - The cut and run out practice.

Week 10: Drurs - Flexibility.

Week 11: JB - How to be an Adonis

Week 12: Liam - The mental aspects...

New captain for 1st XI

As most will know, Rocket announced at the end of last season he was stepping down as club captain. His years in the role saw many highs and he certainly gave the match reporter something to write about! His period in charge will mainly be remembered for the successive promotions and winning Div B in 2007 - thanks Steve you're a true Keyworth Legend*

At the committee meeting held last Monday, a new club captain was voted in... and who better to lead the Millers revival than the truly inspirational Ian Graham**?

On his appointment to 1st XI captain IG said;
"I'm proud to be seventh choice for this illustrious role. It was a shame that Tinno, Bobby, Renders, Cliff, Shelley and the bar manager at Indian Nights turned it down but I believe I have the backing of the remainder of the club that didn't vote for the above (all 3 of you).

My mix of physical aggression and childish tantrums will prove a beacon of inspiration for the club's youth policy and look forward to standing in front of many a league and umpiring panel to talk back my team's actions.
I hope my rigid "no flexibility" approach will see us winning games the right way and ridding the club of this plague of enjoyment it seems to have suffered over the past few years (however successful..!!)
If anyone would like to discuss their hopes and dreams for the coming season then please consider playing for Clifton as someone there will surely listen to any whining you want to do..!!"

Onlooker Rob Baker said, "He looks nervous about filling the big boots left by the clubs French International buffoon, but it's probably easier than trying to fill his jockstrap. I look forward to seeing him at Conrad's for preseason training in March!"

*Lager - pint of

** can I bat at 4 this year please skip?

Money, Money, Money

The Keyworth Junior Section had a very welcome closed season boost with a sizeable, £1,500, grant from the Notts County Council Community Sports Fund; to help with coaching, winter nets, marketing and equipment.

Looking carefully at the small print it does not cover; replacing lost balls into the Vicarage from left arm spin... Indian Knights Board Meetings... Insurance from hitting the house in cow corner, bridge building between opposition Captains over a difference of opinions, or providing new timepieces to ensure prompt arrival to games...

Needless to say with the ink barely dry, Legge and Tuckwell hot footed up to Mapperley Sports to open the account.

2 Full Cricket Sets later: helmets, gloves, pads, arm protectors, boxes, bats and coffin to be added to with a Lord Taveners Cricket Equipment Set, very kindly bought by the first XI scorer to the stars - Shelley Beales.

Everything is now in place to begin the adventure on Saturday morning from 9-10 am, at Trent Bridge, for 12 weeks of nets.