10 Out of 10 for 20/20 Thriller

In the cold winter of 2005-6, the KCC Committee brainstormed fund-raising ideas. “What about a Twenty20 match?” piped up the new kid on the block – Dale Collison. A wave of apathy washed over the faces of his fund-raising colleagues. “Well, I’ll organise it then”, quipped the half-Australian: “Good man”, “Well volunteered”, “It will never come to fruition”, were the various responses.

Humble Pie was on the menu on Monday 28th August as a fantastic day was played out on The Field of Dreams in front of a huge crowd of friends, families and former players. A few of the older members were misty eyed as the bumper crowd feasted on Jean’s BBQ, drank at Laddy’s Bar (“where your glass is always full”), tapped their toes to the tunes belting out on the PA System, and devoured Barry Baker’s History of KCC from its inception in the mid 1800s to the present day.

With so much going on, the cricket could have become incidental. Certainly former stars Kingy and Scooby (looking like Wayne Hemingway in his designer specs) had to be dragged from the Welfare at 1.40pm after quaffing several pints of Stella.




The orange stumps were already in place as the captains went out for the toss. Chairman Drury limped out like a lame greyhound, whilst Star All-Rounder Ball waddled to the wicket like a young Mike Gatting. Drurs won the toss and chose to field under cloudy skies. As the players took the field, “Dirty Den” Laddy was rushing to his post behind the bar after a morning’s philandering, leaving Lorraine “Angie” Elliott threatening divorce – again!


Rob Beake and Grant Parker opened the batting for Ball’s All Stars, but no-one had told Butch what the format was, as he padded out the first five balls before nicking the strike with a single.

Parker was keen to make an impression, but the Chairman's XII had hatched a plot in the pre-game huddle for the confident antipodean. XXXX Grant took on Drury’s challenge of beating the three men stationed between deep mid-wicket and Cow Corner, and was promptly bowled.

In strode Chesney Geoff Baker, seven years since his last dismissal. Determined to escape the fidgety fingers of Matt 'Darrell Hair' Dring, Lord Geoffrey put in a massive stride first ball, only to cop an Andy Hiller long hop right on the toe. Saville Row winklepickers were later to prove an unfortunate choice of post game footwear. Sadly GB's 130 mile drive from London Village was fruitless, run out third ball by fellow Essex man Beake. Geoffrey was not happy, but the feud was settled over a Stella after Beake retired with a stodgy 30 ball 21not out.

Despite the strains of the day, Collison upped the scoring rate, before perishing LBW-ish to Sticky Palmer’s Doosra. At 40-5, Ball’s Allstars were in trouble: but, suddenly Drury lost control of the fielding side. “Is there a drinks break in 20/20, skipper?” asked Kingy, not thirsty, but badly needing a piss. With umpires Cottee and Dring unsure of the number of men needed in the fielding ring, King saw his opportunity and dashed from the field.

Then as so often reported in these pages, controversy. Umpire Cottee called for a ball inspection, suspecting tampering, after a bright orange smear appeared on the ball. Fingers were pointed in the direction of Dessy's fake tan, but the impasse was soon resolved, as John realised that Laddy's cheap B&Q paint job on the stumps was to blame.

Boss Hogg Leggy then ensured the total improved with some shabby fielding. With his knees “locked”, his long barrier was wider than the Grand Canyon, as the ball rolled over for four. On-looking Notts CCC cricket coaches despaired that Leggy would be the dunce of the class at the Winter Cricket Coaching course.

Drurs sensed the need to up the scoring rate so brought himself on for an over, and Rendu continued his league form, bashing 35 in quick time. But his departure saw Scooby Newby come to the wicket with “Fog on the Tyne” ringing in his Mackem ears. He didn’t last long as Strong casually held a catch in the deep. Then burly Bobby Baker played a classical innings – 6, 4, Out.

Ball was worried, but salvation came from Dave Hiller and Tuckers, who took advantage of the 7 slips and 2 gullys field to up the tempo. Tuckwell smashed three 6s as he made a mockery of his Tavare-style batting seen on Saturdays.

168 would prove a competitive score, albeit heavily massaged, which was something the fielding side could have done with after 90 minutes of chasing leather.

Half time saw the BBQ fire into action, ably marshalled by Cliff, Jean and Jude.

A quick turnaround only allowed the players a quick drink at Laddy’s, before taking the field. Baker wished he hadn’t as he dropped another dolly – this time at slip, grasping at thin air after one too many lagers. Parker bowled down the hill at Kingy – a battle billed as “XXXX vs Stella”, and the Englishman 'reassuringly' won out, despite taking a beamer on the arm that left him seething. One massive six missed “Graham’s roof” and landed nearer Plumtree.

Despite these blows, Kingy was out-scored by Geoff Tindsley, playing his final game before travelling. The Postman continued his lusty blows from Saturday, leaving him drained as he left the field with 50 to his name. Chas and Dave’s “Rabbit” was apt on two fronts for Paul Lay as he entered the fray – he bats like one, and he chats like one. He didn’t last long, as Rendu’s pace saw him retreating to square leg.

Dave Strong had talked his way up the order from 9 to 4, as the introduction of Rendu saw most of Drury’s XII talking their way down from 4 to 9. Strong flailed but failed and it was left to Drury and Dessaur to calm things down.

Laddy’s Bar and Jean’s BBQ were at their busiest, with spectators queuing ten deep, as the Double D’s bored the bowlers with a straight bat policy. Drurs then took a liking to Bally’s leg theory, but happily ensured the bars would empty by missing a Collison yorker.

A couple more wickets turned up the excitement, especially as Drury had saved his batting arsenal of Garland, Graham and Cowlard to unleash hell in the final overs. However, despite General Drury’s belief that “range was good”, the arsenal was smashed as Ball’s team was rallied by some of his more competitive troops. “Do you want to bowl Bruv?” asked Reggie Baker. “No Bruv, I wanna win” replied Ronnie. The Essex boys had made their intentions clear.

Star All-Rounder Ball, fearing the Bruvvers were going to smash the place up, displayed a “right touch” of athletic fielding with a direct run-out. As the orange stumps were tango-ed, Rabbit Lay ate his words having claimed earlier in the over – “there’s always one to Ball”. Boss Hogg Legg, knees loosened with some WD40, creaked to the wicket, and was joined by Sticky Palmer, who proceeded to middle Rendu’s quicker ball for four to Third Man. A class shot from a class act, but he too soon perished, leaving Postman Tindsley to return to the crease for one last hurrah.

10 was needed off the last over, bowled by Event Co-ordinator Collison. Stupidly taking a single off the first ball, Tindsley looked more stranded than Robinson Crusoe, as Leggy faced the fiery Collison. Remarkably, the chubby 2nd team V-C scrambled a single, and Tindsley eased the pressure with a jaw-dropping blow over mid-wicket. A wide was then called by Umpire Dring, fresh from e-mailing the ICC for his $500k pay-out, and a scrambled single left the scores tied - one needed to win off the final ball.

Tindsley smashed one straight to Benji, but had to run. The youngster’s throw went straight to the melee of fielders at the bowler’s end, and with a sleight of hand of which Paul Daniels would have been proud, the bails were off and the ball had disappeared. Umpire Dringy sensed a riot and gave Leggy a dubious finger, and the match was tied, Boss Hogg adopting a better double tea-pot stance than Inzi, could only watch as Bally’s men danced for joy.

The Cottee Trophy was shared by the two captains, spraying Spumanti across the outfield as they toasted a day where cricket was the winner.

Most of the bumper crowd had seen a thriller, although one or two will remember less of the day after enjoying the basement prices in Laddy’s bar. Hat’s off to Steve, who spent £50 – a fair achievement at £1 per can. The BBQ did a roaring trade as Cliff, Jean and Jude (a catering dream team) fed the masses, and Martin The Nugget did his Mum proud by banging out the cricketing tunes on the PA, whilst Ted made up the scores with his pencils.

It was a memorable day for the club, and although many contributed, it is Dale Collison who must take the praise for organising the day. Sadly his wife Rebecca was under the weather and missed the half-Australian’s “day in the sun”, but this only means he will have to do it all again for her to enjoy next year. As he departed, plans were already being put in place for 20/20 2007 and as the beers flowed, rumours of a KCC Cricket Tour next July spread like wild-fire. “It’ll never happen” muttered the doubters amongst the Committee, but with a club as special as KCC, you never know...

The Heroes...
Dale and Rebecca
Cliff, Jean & Jude – The Catering Corps
Barry “Statto” Baker – A History of KCC
The Returning Heroes – Geoff Baker, Kingy, Scooby, Sticky
Ted The Beer-ded Wonder & DJ Nugget – Scoring & Music
Darrell Dring and Shakeel Cottee – umpires
Lorraine “Angie” Elliott – Barmaid
King Stone and Cottee Fibres – generous sponsors

The Villains... Dirty Den

TFC's: everyone

Promotion Party

After two years of choking it at the business end of the season, The Millers finally secured their place in Division 1B with a win at Thrumpton on Saturday. In his eagerness to claim promotion, captain Rendu arrived 45 minutes before play started – a season’s best for the long-haired buffoon.

The Trumpton pitch was soggier than a Dave Hiller tea, so it was no surprise that Rendu chose to bat after winning the toss! Openers Ladd and Graham grumbled their way out to the wicket, but played as if the wicket was from Trent Bridge not Trumpton as they dispatched the under-15 bowlers to all parts. Ladd managed to keep up the run scoring with Graham for 15 overs, but fell for 38 as the 13yr old leg spinner proved too wily for the big-eared opener. Postman Tindsley then boosted the young lad’s confidence by refusing to hit him off the square for ten overs. Graham passed 1,000 runs for the season before falling to an ugly hoik for 53. Rocket Rendu came in to steady the ship – despatching his first ball for six to move ahead of Graham and Parker in the 6s competition. Several huge hits followed as Rendu raced to 50, before being adjudged run out by Trigger, the Darrell Hair look-a-like from Plumtree. Parker sought to catch Rocket’s 6s tally, but perished in the deep for a duck. Meanwhile Tindsley had decided to remove his concrete shoes, and dispatched some “lusty blows” of his own – no doubt he’ll be hoping for more of those on his travels around the world. Baker came in, and faffed about against the 13yr old. Cries of “hit your wickets Baker” finally stirred the big man into life as he added late runs with some jammy slogs. With four balls to go, Tindsley was caught behind. Cometh the hour, cometh the Dessaur. With the pavilion baying for a golden duck, Dessy’s three balls (he’d need them all come Saturday night) went 2, 6, 3, to leave him with a 366% strike rate. 260-6 was above par.

Tea was voted “second best in the league”, with pies, pizza, and pasta from the hot plate amongst the highlights. Chocolate covered flapjacks stole the show, causing Laddy to eat melon to clear his arteries, whilst Tindsley stunned everyone by polishing off two pieces of the heavyweight cake.
Unsurprisingly, tea weighed heavy on the players as they took the field. Alan Hiller grabbed a wicket in his first over – LBW given by Trigger!!! Rendu tore into the 14 year old No3, who refused to play anything outside off stump. As the battle reached stalemate, the umpire (not Trigger) decided to call Rendu for some harsh wides. It was left to Golden Arm Dave Strong to seek wickets with his worst deliveries. It duly arrived in his first over as the the left handed dollied a catch up to Bobby Baker. Well, that was what should have happened, but Baker did his impression of a crocodile, and as he snapped his hands shut, the ball landed at his feet. Giggles all round, except from the burly spinner. “Mid off is the only safe place to hit it” taunted Rendu at his vice-captain. Dringy then did his own Billy Smart Circus juggling act, spilling a catch and a stumping, so it was left to the “Former Youth Policy” Tindsley and Hiller to show the way with a catch each as Strong tore through the middle order with his worst deliveries of an otherwise good spell. The 2nds arrived having finished early, and wandered the boundary reliving the “Shit Fielding” of Pistol Pete in a previous match at Trumpton. Spin “twins” Baker and Graham sensed a bagful of wickets, as the Trumpton later order averaged 16 ½ years, and shared 7 of them as the game ended at 6.15pm.

With Rocket’s family away, the captain was in the mood to party, but ended up sharing a pint with Drurs in West Bridgford! However, the open-top bus parade and celebrations will be held next week after the final game at home to Newark – lock up your daughters!

MoM : Geoff “The Postman” Tindsley – enjoy your World Tour.
TFC : Grant XXXX Parker

MOM Total : Dave G 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 4, Bomber 5, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rendu 2, Tinno 1

Stiffs Hit Paviors For Six

Skipper Cowlard returned to lead a strong looking Stiffs side. With Mrs Legge away, Boss Hogg had struggled to dress himself, turning up in his pink pyjama top.

Old Paviors had clearly got mixed messages about the KCC Twenty20 cup weekend, turning up with only six players. Cowlard bowled first, sensing the chance to be in the boozer before tea time. Recent rain had left the Field of Wet Dreams looking more like early May than late August.

AC was hardly electric with the new ball bowling four wides in his first two overs, but then only went for four more runs in his next four overs. At the other end Leggy got punished for some short stuff but made the first breakthrough getting an edge to Benji at gully. The next pair were soon on the wrong wavelength both arriving at the same end, allowing Dave Garland to hurl in from the mid wicket boundary for a simple run out.

Poor old Leggy was having a ‘mare at extra cover: first turning slower than the Ark Royal for a mis-timed shot looping over his head, then diving in installments over a cover drive, before finally conceding two overthrows as a throw from Cowlard went through his legs.

Boom Boom replaced Leggy up the hill and had the ball ducking in from the off. Paviors danger man tried one slog too many and four Millers fielders took responsibility shouting ‘yours’, letting Ernie pouch the catch just before being tackled into row Z by Dave Garland. Drurs then took a safe catch at mid off, before Ted wrapped the innings clipping the top of off stump.

Paviors made 71 with just 16 overs bowled. Ted had best figures of 3-21 from 6 overs

We went straight back out on a hiding to nothing. Drurs was in awful form taking 29 balls to get 8 runs. Then managed to find one of the four outfielders who took a blinding one handed catch. Benji repeated the trick edging to deep gully for 3.

After last weeks heroics, Duncan Disorderly was promoted to no.4 and was fed five successive full tosses which he clipped away to double his career top score to 8. Sadly the sixth ball was straight and full and the county leave was not the ideal shot selection. Dunc returned to a hero’s reception in bullish mood: “if I keep doubling my score each game, I’ll get 50 at the start of next year”.

At the other end Dave Garland was having no nonsense, using plenty of bottom hand in an entertaining knock of 37. We reached our target off 16 overs at 3.59pm.

Dave Hiller was on tea duty and many feared the worst. But the hour spent in the kitchen saw a bigger improvement in culinary skills than Glyn off Big Brother. Freshly cut apples were the highlight for many, although when asked for his own highlight, Leggy replied “nothing”, for another pound fine.

MOM: Duncan
MOM in running: Leggy 1, Lay Jnr 1, Benji 3, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2, A.Hiller 2, D.Hiller 1, Duncan 1

Saturday Teams

1st XI Away to Thrumpton
Please be at the Ground for 12.30pm. for a 1.15pm start

I. Graham
C. Ladd
D. Strong
W. Dessaur
G. Tindsley
M. Dring +
A. Hiller
R. Baker
S. Rendu (c)
D. Collison
G. Parker

12th Man: T. Elliott
Scorer: Anyone help ?

2nd XI Home to Old Paviors 2nd XI

Please meet at the Ground no later than 12.45pm for a 1.30 start

R Drury
E Lay
B Elliott
D Garland
A Cowlard (c)
T Elliott
M Ward
C Legge
D Hiller
D Tarran
R Beake +

12th Men: J Beeton & P Hardy

Keyworth CC Twenty20 update

It’s now less than a week to go until the inaugural Keyworth Twenty20 Club match on Bank Holiday Monday 28th August.

We’ve had a great response from everyone, both players and non-players, old and new, so we’re hopeful of a good game in front of a bumper crowd. All we need is for everyone to keep his or her fingers crossed for dry weather now!

Captains and sides have been selected and are shown below. The two captains are Keyworth Chairman Richard Drury and Star All Rounder Alex Ball.

Chairman’s XI
R Drury (cpt)
D Garland
D Strong
P Lay
I Graham
S King
G Tindsley
A Cowlard
C Legge
A Hiller
N Palmer
W Dessaur

Star All Rounder Ball’s XI
A Ball (cpt)
R Beake
D Hiller
D Collison
S Rendu
R Baker
G Parker
G Baker
A Ward
S Tuckwell
T Newby
M Dring

The action starts at 2pm, but players should arrive 12.30 – 1pm to help get things organised.

Chris 'Dirty Den' Ladd is organising the bar, and drinks will be available from 2pm. Cliff and Jean are doing the BBQ, which will be sparked up around 3.30pm should anyone be hungry before the end of the match at around 5pm.

The match is being sponsored by Cottee Fibres and King Stone Products Ltd, and a trophy will be presented to the winning captain after the game.

There are some specific rules applicable to the match to hopefully ensure we have a close game.

Keyworth CC Twenty20 Rules
If the team batting first is dismissed in less than 20 overs, the team batting second shall only be entitled to bat for 20 overs.

In the event of a tie the team losing the lesser number of wickets shall be the winner.

If the result cannot be decided by the above, the winner shall be the team with the higher score after 10 overs.

For the first 6 overs only of each innings, only three fieldsmen are permitted to be outside the
fielding circle. After the first 6 overs, five players must remain within the circle.

Batsmen must retire at 50 runs scored and/or 30 balls faced and can only return at the end of the innings once the last wicket has fallen.

No bowler may bowl more than four overs (but Captains should be aware if people want to bowl they should be given at least one over).

The penalty for a no ball will be 2 runs. The delivery following a no ball shall be a free hit for whichever batsman is facing it. For a free hit, the striker cannot be out caught, bowled or LBW.

Field changes are permitted for free hit deliveries.

Umpires are instructed to apply a very strict and consistent interpretation in regard to wide balls in order to prevent negative bowling wide of the wicket.

Stiffs Stuffed by Shepshed

A quite abject batting display by the Stiffs away at Shepshed was badly timed, and rules out any chance of promotion this year.

Stand in skipper Leggy was already racking up the fines before play began. Firstly Top Man Burton had been overlooked in mid-week selection, only to receive a late call up. Secondly, it would have been easier to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow than Shepshed’s ground. The Millers spent most of the pre-game warm up in their cars doing more laps of the town centre than in the Monaco grand prix. Ernie sensibly thought that Shepshed would play in the place of the same name, and did a tour of Leicestershire before finding out that Loughborough was actually where to head to.

Fortunately Leggy won the toss and bowled on a pitch rolled from plasticine. Balls were popping from the off and Drurs soon had Dave Garland ushered to short extra looking for a leading edge. Although told to pitch it up, the plan worked immediately, as Dave Hiller bowled a rank log hop that caught the bottom of the bat for Judy to snaffle a great low catch.

The Shepshed batters clearly knew how to bat on the pitch, realising it was only a matter of time before receiving an unplayable ball, so set about slogging Moley, Dave Hiller and Leggy to unlikely parts. The new ball disappeared for six into a barbed wire compound, and the replacement balls were dreadful, so bizarrely we had the use of another new ball after five overs.

While catching was patchy: Drurs, Butch and Hiller spilling sharp chances, ground fielding was farsical: Leggy rolling around like a pig in muck trying to get the ball in to Butch with the opposition batters stranded. Billy Smart would have nodded with approval. It was left to young Joe Jani to show the way with a magic direct hit to end the tip and run tactics.

Father Jitz managed to slow the rate down with some crafty flight, but afterwards it was a fast and furious finish. Joe Jani took three wickets in four late overs, nearly taking a hat-trick on debut, but also copped some clobber: some of the Miller’s batters were concerned by Leggy reassuring Joe that “we don’t mind seeing that” as another slog bounded away to cow corner.

Dave Hiller returned sniffing some late scalps and was unplayable with a series of snorting short pitchers. Leggy plonked himself into slip and was overjoyed to catch a rebound from Beakey’s gloves. Hiller was himself then on a hat-trick but narrowly failed. Poor Moley then got the lashing of the Twin’s tongue, not getting a hand on the simplest of catches, as the need for anger management classes became all to apparent for young Hiller.

Needing a wicket from the last over for maximum bowling points, Dave did the sensible thing and delivered six short pitchers. 167-9 at the break off the reduced 36 overs was a big score. Dave had best figures of 3-28, Jitz was tightest with 1-21, while Joe did well to take 3-40.

Tea was a great opportunity to get five portions for the day, with seven varieties of fresh fruit the highlight.

In reply, the pitch had dried out to look like a corrugated roof. Drurs struggled with the varied line and length: his first ball pitching at the feet of gully, the second taking the edge to slip. Top Man Burton could only fend off a lifter to mid wicket, Ernie was bowled by one that cut away six inches, then Butch was well caught at silly mid on. Poor old Dave Garland, looking for some time in the middle, couldn’t get his gloves out of the way of another looping popper, and was caught behind. At 20-5 the fat lady was singing.

Then Duncan Disorderly and Dave Hiller staged a rearguard action. Duncan had been practising his county leave in the nets and left anything that pitched on the cut strip. Dave was more aggressive with one mighty six. Duncan finally lost patience and was caught for a new personal best of four. Dave Hit-Man Hiller continued to play with low hands and took more raps on the gloves than Ricky Hatton over 12 rounds. Leggy and Moley didn’t last long, and Jitz just won his private battle outscoring Joe by 8 to 5. Hiller remained unbeaten on 24 as we slumped to a depressing 75 all out.

MOM: Dave Hiller
TFC: Miller’s Top Five

MOM in running: Leggy 1, Lay Jnr 1, Benji 3, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2, A.Hiller 2, D.Hiller 1

Dancing between the Rain Drops

The Millers looked to return to winning ways after the shambles at Plumtree with the visit of Hucknall. Laddy returned to weaken the batting line-up, whilst Andy Hiller became the first player in KCC history to be promoted on form after grabbing wickets in the 2nds, despite captain Rendu’s confusion of which twin to pick. The Field of Dreams had suffered from the week’s rain but with Rocket late (again), vice-captain Baker tossed up, and decided to bat. It didn’t matter said the big V-C, as rain was imminent. Rocket finally arrived to jeers and calls for his resignation.

The random opening pair was going to be Laddy and Dessy, but Ian Graham arrived in the nick of time to steal the No2 jacket, and was promptly dropped down the legside off his first ball. Ladd proved the form tipsters right with another failure, but the Postman steadied the ship before falling LBW. Dessaur grabbed a quick duck, deciding to save Dringy’s bat from damage by shouldering arms to a straight one. Dessaur retreated to his car, and as the engine ticked over, many feared that he had attached the hosepipe to the exhaust. With great relief, observers realised that Dessy just wanted the air-conditioning on, whilst giving two fingers to global warming! The innings was then built around some Nifty Fiftys, as Graham, Rendu and Aussie Parker all helped themselves to half centuries. Parker’s was the highlight, hit in an estimated 35 balls, including a couple of monster sixes. Rendu also peppered the houses, undetered by the impending lawsuit awaiting the club from the owner of the damaged roof after Bomber Graham’s raid earlier in the season. As the overs ran out, so did the Keyworth tail, as first Collison and then Dring modelled their running on Inzaman. 245 for 9 was above par, and certainly above the predicted 50 all out from one grumpy KCC opener.

Tea was served up by Mrs. Dring, and the high standards were maintained with a wonderful spread. Turkey Twislers and Fruit Cake were the highlights.

The Hucknall reply started in chaos, as their star batsman was called for a quick single to Bobby Baker. A fair call many would say, but the nimble footed spinner swooped at backward point, and with a “dip and drive” from the Sam Bradley training camp, hit the stumps direct. However, in the next over, morale was shattered when Baker dived over a slash through the gully and damaged one of his meaty shoulders. Out of the attack, KCC needed the other bowlers to stand up and be counted. Andy Hiller kept the pressure on with a steady spell up the hill, bagging a couple of wickets, and the fielding and catching was good, aside from a dolly spilled at second slip by Bomber Graham. Graham was the accused of taking a bung - Rendu throwing down the stumps as the non-striker dawdled back to his crease, but Graham invited him back for a second go! However, having counted his cash, Graham recovered to bowl a wily spell. As the Hucknall innings collapsed, the Millers tempted the away team with a run chase with some Pukka Pies from Dessaur. At first, the batsmen declined the temptations on offer, preferring to dawdle between balls and wait for the rain to arrive. However, it proved too much for one batsman who slogged a catch to Baker. The incoming batsman asked how many were left. “At least five” said the wily umpire, knowing that Dessaur’s pies came in more varieties than Mr. Kipling. With 50 needed off 8 overs with 2 wickets left, both sides ignored the rain and smelt victory (and Tikka Masala from Indian Nights). Benji was called in to break the partnership, and the Golden Boy duly delivered. It was all over as Graham grabbed his fourth wicket, and the win was celebrated in Buzz, as the rain came down – but all too late for Hucknall.

MoM : Bomber Graham
TFC : Laddy

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 4, Bomber 5, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rocket Rendu 2

Saturday Teams

PLEASE NOTE EARLY START TIMES FOR BOTH GAMES

1st XI Home to Hucknall
Please be at the Ground for 12.15pm - 12.30pm. for a 1.15pm start
(Please inform Steve Rendu or Ted Elliott if you are unavailable)

Team:
I. Graham, C. Ladd, T. Elliott, W. Dessaur, G. Tindsley, M. Dring, A. Hiller, R. Baker, S. Rendu, D. Collison, G. Parker

2nd XI Away to Shepshed

Please meet at the Buzz no later than 12.15pm or ground no later than 1.00pm for a 1.30 start (Please inform Chris Legge or Ted Elliott if you are unavailable)

R Drury, E Lay, B Elliott, D Garland, Joe Jani, Jitz Jani, M Ward, C Legge, D Hiller, D Tarran, R Beake

12th Men: J Beeton & P Hardy

The Field of Screams

The match between Keyworth & Plumtree was played on a very autumnal day, with grey skies and a cold wind whipping across the outfield. The wicket could not have been greener and looked as though it may do a bit early on. Following last weekends bowling performance, and after winning the toss, Skipper Rendu elected to field despite the fact that the Millers only had 9 players in the changing room. DJ Sammy was en route from Manchester and Bobby was stuck at “work”. TBC arrived just in time to take the field at the start of play but it wasn’t until the 12th over before Baker eventually made it to the ground.

The Plumtree batsmen certainly rode their luck and a combination of edges, chances not going to hand and a series of dropped catches saw them progress to 109-2 at 24 overs. One fielding highlight from the innings was a run out from the boundary by DJ Sammy after the batsman went for a tight second.
Their 3rd and 4th batsman then put on a 90 run partnership taking them to 200-3 off 40 overs. But Keyworth did well to restrict Plumtree to 236 all out in the last over, with Bobby Baker bagging 4 for 52 off 12.

The match was sponsored by Plumtree Fish n Chips, which confusingly can be found in Keyworth. However, despite the sponsorship no fishy fayre was on offer at tea, and only a poor effort was to be found; the highlight an assortment of jam tarts.

The tone for the Keyworth innings was set in the 2nd over with Wozza edging to gully. IG and TBC Sammy then put on a good partnership seemingly putting the Millers in a match winning position. But a Keyworth collapse of epic proportions was to follow as IG was caught at cover followed by Sammy by a useful ball that nipped back to clip off stump. Skipper Rendu was soon caught, bringing a combination of XXXX Grant and XX Dale to the crease at 85-5. Grant failed to observe the golden rule, never to run on a misfield, and was narrowly run out by a direct hit. Dringy, who had been edging everything at Wednesday’s net session played to form and edged his first ball to the keeper for a golden.
Even the rain could not save the Millers and the Keyworth tail was docked, all out for 104 in the 26th over, with Plumtree’s young opening bowler taking 7-44.

A bad day at the office all round, but with 3 matches to go against Hucknall, Thrumpton and Newark, the Millers’ promotion is in their own hands.

MOM: Bobby Baker
TFC: Golden boy Matt Dring (narrowly beating skipper Rendu for his decision to bowl with 9 men)

MOM Total: Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 4, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rocket Rendu 2

Hibbert Edges It For Stiffs

An inspired batting and bowling display saw the Stiffs win big against Long Whatton. It was a nightmare for the red-inkers with the returning Elliotts joining a brace of both Lays and Hillers.

Skipper Cowlard lost the toss and we were surprisingly put in. Ernie got the ball of the day and went early for 1. Top Man Burton took over and looked in fine form. The opposition left the arc from mid-wicket to mid-on vacant and Menswear cashed in, dominating a stand of 71 with Drurs. Disaster stuck in the 20th over when Top Man ignored the golden rule of not running on a misfield, setting off Inzi-style for a suicidal run. Drurs had no intention or ability to run a quick single and Matt was run out for 37. Drurs soon followed for 21 dismissed twice off the same ball: caught down the leg side and then stumped.

Then the partnership of the day, a joy to watch father and son Elliott cart the ball to all parts. And even more joy to see Benji getting Ted to scamper quick singles. Ted was full of trademark lofts over the leg side, while Ben pulled and cut anything short. The pair put on 82 before Ted sensed an expensive day was on the cards and went for 47.

Skipper Cowlard had his proper batting head on, stoked up by news from Leggy that his batting average was lower than his bowling, and got stuck into the flagging opposition attack. Benji was dropped by the keeper in the nervous 40’s but finally scampered a quick second to bring up a maiden club fifty. Ted didn’t know whether to laugh or cry having promised Benji a new bat for his first helf century. In sight of a monster score the runs dried up as both had an eye on a red-inker, Benji holding the pose on some technically perfect forward defensives in the penultimate over.

However 224-4 was to prove plenty and was a season’s best; Benji unbeaten on 63 and AC on 32.

Tea was a banquet courtesy of Lorraine. For a change the Millers’ batters could stuff themselves silly and took full advantage of victoria sponge and enough sandwiches to feed an army. Garlic bread, though, was the inspired highlight.

Andy Hiller was moaning and groaning as his first over went for 10, Ted and Ernie looking at each other as an upper cut whistled between them. But it didn’t take long for the boy Hibbert to hit his straps bowling another inspired spell. The opener edged to Ernie and refused to walk, eventually given out by his mate. The no.3 lasted a couple of balls before slicing to Cowlard at gully. Then controversy, as in Luke’s next over the no.4, who’d clearly been watching too much of KP in test match cricket, middled one into Ernie’s gloves and stood his ground. This only served to fire up Hibbert still further, bowling him next over, and repeating the trick on the next man in. We were rampant at 22-4 with the top order back in the hutch for 2, 0, 0 and 0, allowing Paul Lay a rare chance to air the ‘four gets five’ chant.

Cowlard joined the party getting the next two wickets, and at 43-6 the gathering clouds were all that could save the opposition. Leggy was economical as usual, but in tandem with Dave Hiller, couldn’t make a breakthrough, as the lower order played for rain. Hibbert was still dreaming about his bowling as a straightforward catch went through his hands and onto his head. Then Benji was pleased that the football scouts had stayed away with a badly timed slide tackle that cost a couple of runs.

Cowlard turned to spin twins Burton and Drury to try to force an attacking shot. This wasn’t long coming as Drurs bowled a single over of unspeakable filth. However this opened up the game as the batters then thought they could do the same to Murali. But Top Man had too many tricks, cleverly bowling three wides that didn’t pitch on the cut strip, before a surprise straight one for a plum leg before.

Some late slogs had us getting a bit nervous, but Leggy returned to bowl the danger man and finish off the innings for 159 to bag 20 points. Great figures form Hibbert 4-52, Cowlard 3-41, Legge 1-26 and Murali 2-12.

MOM: Andy Hibbert and Benji shared
MOM in running: Leggy 1, Lay Jnr 1, Benji 3, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2, A.Hiller 2

Saturday Teams

1st Team v Plumtree
Away
Meet at the Field of Bad Dreams 1.15

Graham, Dessaur, Bradley, Rendu, Tindsley, Collison, Strong, Garland, Parker, Baker, Dring

2nd Team v Long Whatton
Home
Meet at Field of Dreams 1.15

Lay Snr, Drury, Burton, Cowlard, Hardy, Lay Jnr, Legge, Hiller A, Hiller D, Elliott Snr, Elliott Jnr

Aoife 23

After the thrilling tie against Belvoir, the Millers were determined to return to winning ways against Nottingham CC. With Dave Garland away, Dringy reintroduced himself to his teammates after a two month absence. TBC Bradley again dropped out, so Duncan Disorderly Tarran stepped up, and this time remembered to turn up. Aussie Parker also returned after a week on the lash in Crete with a new crewcut hairdo, and even smellier kit.

Losing the toss, the Millers were put in the field. A quivering Rendu returned to the changing room, as various new signings had made the Nottingham team seemingly invincible. Some players offered to give them the points, but we set out to clear the goose droppings off the wicket. Rendu and Strong opened up, and the Rocket Man was soon among the wickets, with Baker wiping the mayonnaise off his fingers and catching a low one at gully. “You’re bound to catch one out of ten” claimed the burly spinner. Strong was bowling well at the other end, but the ball was keeping low. “I got more bounce out of the missus this morning” boasted Dringy, to much amusement from the slip cordon. The wicket decided to prove the keeper wrong, as Strongy bowled a snorter that lifted off a length to get a well deserved caught behind. Soon after, he tempted the opener into another swish outside off stump, and the nick was snaffled at the second attempt by Birthday Boy Ladd in the slips. Suddenly, Rendu’s self belief returned, and proceeded to bowl one of the most devastating spells in modern KCC history – eight wickets, with six bastman bowled, four to swinging yorkers that uprooted middle stump. After another demolition job on the stumps, Meek repaired the wickets. “Do they look alright to you ump”? asked Meeky. “It doesn’t matter - he’ll only knock’em over again” retorted the umpire. Soon after, his prediction rang true, as the death rattle sounded for another Nottingham rabbit. Rendu’s cock-sure swagger was back. “Leg stump please umpire” said the incoming batsman. “It’s middle you need to worry about” replied Rocket, and duly knocked it over. Nottingham were all out for 50, with Rendu playing the captain’s role with 8-23. Rendu led the team off to rapturous applause, and suggested to wife Louie that they should rename their daughter “eightfor” rather than Aoife, in honour of his finest hour (and a half).

Tea was abject, with many of the players surrounding the latest Anderson picnic that was being unfurled. Barry spent the tea interval searching for his carving knife, as Rendu’s performance rocketed him on to the Hall of Fame honours board.

In response, Dessaur and Graham opened up. Surely nothing could go wrong? Dessaur was bowled second ball, with the umpire claiming it never moved off middle. Laddy had to put down his birthday cake in a hurry, and went out to steady the ship. Despite some early scares, the true Opening Pair did the business, with Graham slapping a few fours on his way to 38* to improve his average still further, whilst Laddy left the field with a world class 9*.
The day was Rocket’s, but the night was anyones. The Millers worst nightmare came true as the game ended at 4.30pm, allowing a bonus four hours of drinking. A few swift ones at the Clubhouse, were followed by a tour of West Bridgford. As the 2nds turned up at 9pm, most of the damage was done, as the club toasted Laddy’s 34th Birthday (hard to believe given his looks) and the birth of Olivia Baker. Rendu broke with tradition by buying champagne rather than a jug of ale, whilst the Reporter had to be taken home before closing as the party rumbled on.

MoM : Rocket Rendu
TFC : Dessy

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 3, Bomber 4, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rocket Rendu 2

Hiller Gets Hand on Jug

Keyworth's faith in a youth policy was finally rewarded as Andy Hiller steamed through Wilsons to set up a comprehensive victory.

The Stiffs bowling attack was already bolstered with Dave Hiller and XX Dale promoted from the Firsts and the return of skipper Cowlard from Majorca Uncovered, but was further strengthened with star all-rounder Ball opting for the gloves for Keyworth United.

Cowlard won the toss and predictably opted to bowl on a belting looking strip, leaving the Millers’ batters shaking heads in disbelief and adding more momentum to Leggy’s captaincy campaign.

However, the Stiffs’ bowlers repaid the faith with a sparkling bowling performance. First up, Cowlard and Andy Hiller had the ball swinging through hoops, the skipper having the dubious honour of bringing up the 100th wide bowled by the team this season. Hiller, as usual, had plenty to moan about: firstly unhappy at the First Team instructions to bowl him up the hill, and then the customary positions of our close catchers three-quarters of the way to the boundary. An early edge dropped short of gully leaving Hiller bemoaning his luck, so in response Paul Lay was brought in to silly gully and immediately took a magic reaction catch. Soon after Ernie took a regulation nick and then the no.4 played all round a straight one to put us well on top at 30-3.

Boss Hogg Leggy replaced Bo Duke up the hill and was his usual miserly self frustrating the no.3 into a miscue to Cowlard at mid off. Leggy shouted in vain for several unlikely LBW’s, even laughing half way through one appeal. Then a decent partnership as Wilsons’ danger man took advantage of Dave Hiller’s very rusty first bowl of the season, the other Duke twin citing nerves for his JB-like yips. Top Man Burton was daydreaming in the deep not attempting to reach a lofted slog. Wensley Dale took over down the hill and bowled the ball of the day, a swinging Yorker, to break the partnership. Cowlard followed him and got rid of the danger man, Drurs taking a sharp catch at gully. Paul Lay responded with some dreadful banter: “c’mon boys we’ve won the battle, now let’s win the war”, and was sent down to the deep.

The Wilsons’ tail wagged more than we’d have liked, but Andy Hiller confirmed a permanent role bowling up the hill with two more wickets, to finish with career best figures of 5-37 off 12 overs. He was well supported by Leggy 1-29 off 10, Cowlard 1-20 off 10 and Dale 1-39 off 8. 165-8 at tea was a good effort.

Tea was a controversial affair. Skipper Cowlard was on duty and was clearly auditioning for a role on Ready Steady Cook, claiming to have rustled up a fine feast in under an hour. Some of the more seasoned tea-makers questioned whether outside help had been brought in. Whatever, prawn cobs were a terrific highlight.

In reply Butch and Drurs got off to a flier cutting anything short with relish. The Wilson’s bowlers were exhorted to hit ‘the G spot’, but their ladies were clearly not going to get a night of sweet loving as the chosen spot was a yard wide half way down. The pair put on 73, before Beakey followed one that barely pitched on the cut strip and toe ended a catch behind. XX Dale crashed his first ball through the covers and looked in great nick.

Drurs’ concentration was repeatedly disturbed by the keeper muttering at the top of the bowler’s backswing. Much amusing banter followed with the fielders offering to stop passing cars and silence twitching birds. Poor old Leggy was deaf in both ears as the opposition appealed for anything that hit the middle of the bat and disappeared to the boundary.

Dale and Drurs rose above it all and put on 87 before Dale followed a wide one to leave for a fine 29 with only six needed. By this stage Leggy was already showered and changed such was our dominance. It was left to Murali Burton, the best finisher since Michael Bevan, to hit a boundary to see us home with 8 overs to spare, and notch another red-inker. Drurs remained unbeaten on 72.

A great team effort and a valuable 19 points in the bag. Andy Hiller chose to pass up the opportunity to celebrate his fine performance with his team mates, opting to search for some alternative jugs at the Tollerton youth club.

MOM: Andy Hiller TFC: Dave HillerMOM in running: Leggy 1, Lay Jnr 1, Benji 2, Drurs 3, Cowlard 1, Top Man 2, A.Hiller 1

Saturday's Dream Teams

1st XI vs Nottingham (a) - Holme Pierpoint
1pm for 1.45pm start
Ian G, Dessy, Laddy, Sam, Rocket, Meeky, Tinno, Strongy, Dringy, Grant, Bobby (No11)

2nd XI vs Some team (h) - Field of Dreams
1.15pm for 2pm start
Drurs, Ernie, Matt B, Beakey, Dale, Paul Lay, Cowlard, Andy Hiller (Bo), Dave Hiller (Luke), Pistol Pete Hardy, Leggy
12th Man : Moley / Duncan