Eye of The Storm

First verses second in South Notts Div C had been the talk of Keyworth in the days leading up to the big game. Would the Keyworth Hurricane continue to smash all in its path as the team ventured to the wild north of Nottinghamshire? The Millers were missing a brace of Dave’s, but welcomed back Bomber Graham and Rob The Butcher Beake. It was hoped that Aussie Grant would also be using this game as payback, given that Kirkby’s most famous son was Harold Larwood, who so cruelly exposed a weakness in the convicts’ technique back in the 1930s.

The Millers were inserted on a wet pitch after a morning storm, and soon Graham and new opener Dessaur were lashing the bowling to all parts. Eighty odd for the first wicket was a good start, but Graham then holed out after another half century. Dessaur quickly followed, but as the batting tornado blew itself out, the mood got particularly stormy in the score box. Cliff had refused to travel as seven hours with the Kirkby scorer would be too much for him. Rocket took the pen early on, and was getting on swimmingly until the Keyworth tailenders strolled past the score box for the second time. The Kirkby scorer, with an eye for detail, blew his top as his view had been impaired. Rocket threw down his pens in disgust as an argument ensued. With the situation as tense as Beirut, the diplomat Meek crawled past the score box on all fours. “Is that better?” cried the chubby all-rounder. More expletives ensued, and with it looking like all out war, in went Keyworth’s own Kofi Anan, Simon Tuckwell to restore peace.

Rendu, still fuming, went out to bat and looked to take his frustration out on the Kirkby bowlers, but the threatening weather returned. The game was finely balanced at 150-4, when the players left for rain. Five minutes later, the clouds became so black that several players rushed to their phones to ring loved ones, fearing the end of the world.

The game was soon abandoned, but the histrionics continued. Dessaur slipped in to Bobby’s boxer shorts (although Baker wasn’t wearing them at the time), whilst Meek commented on the quality of several players underwear. A couple of loosenors on the way back gave a good base for the younger members of the team to hit West Bridgford. Aussie Parker was finally allowed off the leash, and as predicted, became a liability after his fifth Fosters. The bar turned blue with his Queensland patter, and by eleven there was talk of a trip to Senoritas. He was last seen sending expletive texts to The Reporter who left him for home, as the Aussie looked to push on through.

In the end, a damp squib of a game, but a thunderous evening.