They think it's all over

The last nail went in the coffin as the Millers were subjected to a final defeat of the season against Champions elect Attenborough.

With the usual selection and communication headaches, KCC turned up with 10 men as Skipper Rendu wasn’t aware of Alex Sheriston’s fetlock injury that made him unavailable. As the umpires were patiently waiting outside the away changing room for the team sheet, Rocket was calling everyone in his phonebook to find a replacement. Young Chris Soar came to the rescue but had to be picked up form Keyworth. Fortunately Rocket won the toss and elected to bat allowing the mercy dash to be completed.

The travelling away supporters came to see Ernie Lay get the 13 runs he needs to complete 5,000 career runs for the first XI. He and Father Ted opened up but struggled to get the opening seamers away, before Young Ern was caught trying to release the shackles for 2. Still, there’s plenty of time left to get the remaining 11 runs he so deserves.

When Emma Dale retuned to the wicket following last week's holiday, Bobby called that this would be the most boring 50 seen this year. Fortunately Two-X was out of earshot of his team-mates encouragement, but duly obliged in making Drurs look like KP on acid as he made a snails pace 51 in 120 balls. Attenborough’s off-spinning Pro bowled tight lines (2-22 off 11) was more patient than Big Ted (15) as he was bowled when trying to hit over the top. Skipper Rendu (7) came in and smacked a couple of boundaries before being dropped and then caught behind in the same over. Meeky and Dale then put on a useful stand with Stuart hitting 30 in 42 balls including a massive 6 over the pavilion into the road.

Dougie Bayford (17*) and Rob Baker (7) came in late on to eke the score on to 149-6 in the 48 overs

Tea was the best away performance of the year, with hot pasta, pizza and salad making the main course, with clotted cream scones and ice cream to follow. The tea ladies were presented with flowers and the Safi Pro made a speech which left the KCC players looking for the subtitles.

150 was never going to be enough, and with the Pro opening up, the home side looked to make quick work of the total to enable the promotion party to get into full swing. The Millers were running a secret sweepstake to see how many pieces of awful sledging the non-bowling skipper would come out with this week, with the spread raging from 6 to 15. With 2 uttered in the first over it looked as if the skipper would be going for a new world record! Surprising everyone though, Steve redeemed himself but pulling out a couple of lines the had everyone laughing, including likening the lanky wide brimmed hat wearing No4 to “Laddy on a hot wash”.

Andy Hiller seemed determined to get an LBW decision, but evidently needed to brush up on the rule book…

…or perhaps he was thinking up his own rules…



after the 100th turned down appeal the toys finally came out of the pram as the less angry Hiller sister finally lost his rag.

This forced a change of bowling and hilariously Meeky got an LBW from the same umpire first ball!! Andy couldn't believe it!

Liam Elliott has the pace to be a very good opening bowler for the first team in the coming years, but he must learn there is no point beating himself up about bowling the odd bad ball. He bowled a corker to the opening bat and got him caught behind for a proper wicket.

The Pro hit 50 in 37 balls as the wind was finally knocked out of the KCC attack, seeing Dave Hiller-sister despatched for 15 in his first and only over. The winning runs were finally hit in the 22nd over with the Pro carrying his bat for 75*.

The Millers then rushed back across town to see the final throws of the Stiffs game to encourage them to get the promotion they deserve.

Back From Brink v Belton

In the end a comfortable victory for the Stiffs at home to Belton but not without some scares along the way.

Cowlard lost the toss and we bowled first. AC had no luck at all down the hill beating the bat regularly and seeing all manner of outside, inside and leading edges fall between fielders or race to the boundary. Meanwhile up the hill Leggy's head was a shed. Getting up at 4am hadn't helped, but the sight of young Chris Soar stranded on the boundary waiting to be picked up by the Firsts had Boss Hogg in bits. A head high beamer was dispatched to the far reaches, as was Leggy after a short spell!! Murali Burton replace Leggy and the carnage continued with two big sixes into the Church Drive gardens. 80-0 after 13 overs wasn't in anyone's pre-match plan.

The tide turned with the introduction of Charlie Strong. Four matches in eight days was taking its toll on Dave's body, but had done wonders for line and length bowling nine straight overs for just 13 runs. One opener was clean bowled, then then the next caught behind by Beakey. Top Man then lured the no.3 down the track for Butch to take a sharp stumping. After the initial fireworks the next 15 overs went for only 30 runs as we wrestled back control. Fielding was again excellent with Duncan Disorderly, One-Gets-Two and Fraser like lightning in the field. We quickly polished off the middle order, Strongy taking a third wicket, Matt a second and Cowlard his first.

Cowlard was by now still eyeing up his 30 wicket bet with Leggy and a free night out round Keyworth. Leggy was worried about digging deep as AC took two in two balls. But needn't have worried as once again Cowlard's hat trick ball was a powder puff half volley outside off stump. Matt bowled out with figures of 2-43 off 12 overs which let Fraser come on to mop up the tail taking 2-13 in 3 overs. Cowlard finished with 3-38 as we were relieved to bowl Belton out for 146 in the 39th over.

Tea by Jude had a queue stretching well into the Village Hall car park. Special recipe chocolate cake was again the highlight resulting in several proposals of marriage.

Belton's opening attack was probably the best we'd faced all year. Butch's run of bad luck continued as after two boundaries he played on off arm, shoulder and belly! After last week's brutal innings DG was fluent from the off playing some magnificent on-side drives. Drurs at the other end was proving harder to shift than a limpet but as dull as the sky above. Still the pair took the score to 81 before Glassback was bowled for 22, much to the delight of the Keyworth Legends and the returning First Team who looked forward to some more attractive strokeplay.

Fraser was his usual bundle of energy running between the wickets, notching up a useful 20 including the shot of the day, a clip for four off his legs. Thoughts turned to collecting maximum batting points with only 13 needed. But if ever there was a case of celebrating before the winning line, this looked like it. Fraser was run out trying for one quick single too many. Then an absolute calamity in the next over. First DG was caught for a fantastic 77 having looked in no bother.

Two balls later Paul Lay was plum LBW, and then Cowlard chipped a half volley to gully for a golden duck. Four wickets had fallen for no runs with much panic. Strongy had still been in his shorts at the start of the over, joking about seeing Cowlard with a book in his hand for the first time since primary school. There was now no time for larking about and Strongy settled nerves seeing off the hat trick ball.

We needed 11 off the 39th over and were fortunate to have Matt Burton at the other end, a better finisher than Fernando Torres. Top Man chipped seven off the first three balls, and then Strongy sealed the win with a massive straight six.

In the end a comfortable win and 20 points. News filtered through that Caythorpe had lost to Wilsons and various calculations confirmed we were back on top of the league for the first time since May. A win at home to Underwood next week will see us both promoted and champions.

Still all to play for!

FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT THIS CRAP MATCH REPORT BELOW

Twenty20 Hiller Thriller

A bumper Bank Holiday crowd saw a third successive Twenty20 tied game.

A new addition to this year's Twenty20 day was a Ten10 exhibition match featuring the future stars of KCC, that built upon the excellent summer coaching sessions from ex-England star Derek Randall.

Team Tuckers was captained by Ben Healey with Isaac Brown doing the honours for Leggy’s Legends. Healey won the toss and elected to field hoping to contain the opposition with the outfield on the slow side. Baker and Bayford donned the white coats as the sun began to break through. Tudor and Brown set off at commanding pace reaching 25 without loss off the opening 3 overs – a huge leg side 6 for Brown the pick of the shots. Farndale was introduced and immediately made the breakthrough, Tudor caught at square leg by Mills. Brown was unrelenting and reached 25 in double quick time retiring in front of an appreciative crowd.

Youngsters Hefter and Daft had a titanic tussle with Devenney and Oscar Brown some fine pinch hitting, before three wickets in three overs slowed the scoring. Harris with the big wicket of Jack Cairns and only conceding 2 leaving the batting side on 44-4 off 7. Harry Stolworthy returned at the death with a fine wicket caught again by Mills as Charlie Cairns finished off with a flourish and a huge 6 to see Leggy's Legends post a challenging 65 for 5 off their 10 overs.

Captain Healey and Mills opened up with a full range of textbook shots - a huge 6 from Healey brought the crowd to their feet before Cairns dismissed Mills smartly converting a run out chance after excellent work from Brown. The big hitting Harry Stolworthy entered the fray and neatly progressed the score amidst tight bowling from Isaac Brown, Jack Cairns and Cameron Hefter. Healey reached his 25 with a timely boundary making way for Farndale. It couldn’t be closer 44 off 7 – exactly the same as the opposition at the same stage.

Tudor returned for his second spell but was hoisted for a huge 6 with Stolworthy racing into the 20’s. 13 required off 12. Cairns returned conceding a miserly 4 runs in the penultimate over, leaving Captain Brown to bowl the final over with 9 needed for victory. With only 3 were conceded off the first 3 balls Stolworthy was forced to go big and holed out to Tudor. Farndale needed a 6 to tie but with deadly accuracy Brown sealed the victory with super line and length.

A cracking start to the day and congratulations to all involved. Well Done!

This year's teams for the main event were led by the Hiller Sisters. The pre-match changing rooms resembled a Next sale as players scrambled for the few coloured shirts that the Sisters had mustered!!

A new development this year was white balls and black sightscreens. Though the side pinned up by Cowlard soon gave way, perhaps because AC fancied bowling with the white ball against a white background, but more likely down to a two day beach cricket session in Skeg'.

Andy's Blue and White shirts batted first and Benji was quick out of the blocks with a quick 19. His partner Sticky had been building himself up all week playing Brian Lara on the Play Station for the battle for family honour against son Jack. And it was the young future KCC legend that came out on top dismissing Palmer Snr for 2. Sticky trudged off gutted, muttering about pocket money being stopped for a month. Jack didn't care having bagged figures of 2 for 10 off his 2 overs.

Young Chris Soar played some handsome shots without troubling Shelley in the scorers' tent while Cowlard played to the crowd with a trademark cross-batted slog for 6. Dougie had run out of puff after his heroics on Saturday and struggled to hit Leggy off the square. The Boss was wobbling it all over the place taking 2 for 13 in his 2 overs.

Iggy reached 25 in no time with 3 big sixes, one landing in the confectionery stall and bouncing out again. Laddy then made 12 before losing out to the in-form filth of Davey G who had taken over the Grant Parker pistols celebrations.

Billy Harrison and Duncan Disorderly were tied up in knots as Meeky struck with a double wicket maiden. It was left to Geoff Baker and Charlie Strong to post a rearguard action with 20 and 24 to post a final score of 135 - some way below the scores of recent years.

The half time raffle was well supported and the main prize of a signed England cricket bat, kindly donated by Nationwide Building Society, went to another future KCC star, Joe Palmer.


Meanwhile Scooby loosened up for his bat with a couple of Stella's from Laddy's Bar. Others weighed themselves down with hot dogs and burgers from Jean and Cliff's BBQ. This year's meat had been kindly supplied by Bob Green, the village butcher.

In reply for the Green and Blacks, Scooby made a quick 4 so as not to lose valuable drinking time, while Potty tucked into Laddy's cannon fodder with more relish than his half time burger, quickly retiring on 25. Garland smashed a six off Laddy into the now half black half white sightscreen. Laddy gained some revenge for his earlier dismissal, getting rid of DG. However, the celebrations were a little over the top given that the Ladster had conceded 39 from his 2 overs!!

Meeky's bookmakers hadn't taken a penny on Boss Hogg to win MVP but the odds were slashed from 200/1 to 6/4 as Leggy stroked 5 boundaries in his 23. After 5 overs the score had raced 65-3.

Dougie came on to change the course of the match, mixing up medium pace dross with wayward leg spin. Meeky left a wide that almost pitched on the artificial, but was then stunned next ball by a leg break that turned a foot up the hill, rooted to the spot as Dougie launched high-fives all round.

Bobby wasn't going to be intimidated by an Aussie spinner and eyed up the Nottingham Road playground, but only succeeded in picking out Sticky on the cow corner boundary, which led to the celebration of the day, a shirt waving Ryan Giggs lap of honour - sure to be the most watched video on You Tube this year! Dougie ended with the best figures of the day - 3 for 7.

The scoring rate slowed dramatically as Fraser, Jack P and Shero struggled against Strongy, who took 2 for 1 off his 2 runs, together with a caught and bowled to seal the MVP award. Andy Hiller-Sister had been viewing video analysis all week and sensibly placed eight fielders between backward point and extra cover as Butch came to the crease. He need a ninth though as Beakey threaded a boundary through the ring on the way to 20 off 23 balls. When he was dismissed though, 15 were still needed with the returning Potty and Skipper Dave the last men at the crease. It looked as though Potty had the game won with a big 6 in the penultimate over to leave the scores tied.

Andy Hiller-Sister built the tension to boiling point with five dot balls. Potty had one final swing and a miss, and Benji whipped off the bails for another tied match.


Thanks to everyone who played, spectated and especially helped organise another magic KCC day.

Saturday Teams

1st Team v Attenborough (Away) 12.45 meet at their ground
Speak to Rocket or Rob if you need directions or are unavailable

1. E. Lay
2. D. Collison
3. T. Elliott
4. S. Rendu
5. D. Bayford
6. S. Meek
7. A. Sheriston
8. R. Baker
9. D. Hiller
10. A Hiller
11. L Elliott

2nd Team v Belton (Home)
Meet at Field of Dreams 12.45 latest
Teas - Jude

1. R. Beake
2. R. Drury
3. D. Garland
4. M. Burton
5. F. Stretton
6. P. Lay
7. D. Strong
8. A. Cowlard
9. D. Tarran
10. C. Legge
11. J. Beeton

Reserves
C. Soar
B. Harrison

Twenty20

Monday is our Twenty20 Day. Highlights include:

- 20 over a side match
- Proper Summer weather!
- Bar
- BBQ
- Junior Ten10 game
- Raffle to win England signed bat

The fun starts at 1.oopm.

Hope to see you there.

Wheels Off Once Again

A depleted 1st XI team produced an abject batting performance on wet wicket at the new ‘Field of Nightmares’!

Skipper Rendu lost the toss and KCC were inserted and Benji was quickly back in the hutch without troubling Shelly’s pencil for a plum LBW. Iggy followed shortly afterwards, caught behind for 4 and at 4 for 2, Sherro came out to join Rocket in the middle as Meeky was still preparing the teas with Wozza and Mrs Meek!

Wozza had given up his Forest Season ticket to support the Club and do teas although he was in with a chance of making the 3 o’clock start the way the batting was going!!

Rocket was plum LBW 3 times in his first over but not given by ex-KCC legend Harry Pick, Sherro on the other hand was given caught behind for 0 to one that he felt didn’t carry – déjà vu from last week’s Balderton dismissal...

Meeky then came and went for a loan boundary, leaving Vice Captain Baker to join Captain Rendu at with the score at 20 for 4 after 12 overs.

The two senior pros were the only ones to join Extras in reaching double figures, both Rendu’s 11 and Baker’s 14 included a straight drive for 6 each, taking advantage of anything pitched up because the balls short of a length were popping and rapping the knuckles of all batsmen!

As Baker and then Rendu departed, Andy Hiller made his usual red inker with 4 not out and our makeup players of Liam Elliott, Neil Tuckwell and Dave Hiller (dislocated finger) hung around but only managed 2 runs between them at the other end.

51 all out off 23 overs was slightly on the disappointing side, 120 on this wet wicket would have seen a good game between the 2 relegation battlers...

The highlight of the afternoon then took place as Meeky & Woz served up a culinary delight, highlights were Deep Pan pizza, prawn wraps and 2 bottles of Chardonnay for the home side (tea or squash for the lads from the North, Thresher’s must have run out of Blue Nun for the NG15 palette’s...).

A light headed KCC then took the field & Rocket and Andy Hiller took a wicket each to reduce the opposition for 20 for 2 after 10 overs. Rocket bowling an interesting combination of good length balls and yorkers, unfortunately the track required some short stuff to exploit conditions!

Iggy and Bobby then joined the frame with the ball turning sharply but normal business was resumed in the field and several dropped catches occurred. It could have been 30 for 5 but unfortunately opportunities weren’t taken and the visiting keeper plundered our Superstar for 3 boundaries in an over to see the visitors home with 8 wickets in hand! IG was now bored and bowling to a 9-1 field, Bobby at first slip being the only offside fielder!

A 5pm finish and a trip to the Sal to get over the embarrassment but the regulars did appreciate the efforts of the support players and if the 2’s can get promotion, there is great optimism that under the new Tindsley leadership in 2009, we will again push for honours in both XI’s...

Lambley To The Slaughter

An amazing away win for the Stiffs on the road at old rivals Lambley that saw more landmarks than an open top bus ride through London.

The day started well as we picked up 2 points before a ball had been bowled: Wilsons’ unusual declaration last week invoked a rare rule whereby the bowling side picks up maximum bonus points however many wickets have fallen. Boosted by this news stand-in skipper Leggy confidently called the coin toss and put faith in our batting unit despite a wet pitch.

Drurs and Ernie were out of the blocks only a fraction slower than Usain Bolt racing to 30 in the first 5 overs. Ern’ was then out just failing to clear extra cover. Dougie took time to adjust to the slow pitch taking 10 balls to get off the mark, but a glorious cover drive saw him into his stride as he raced to 50 off 43 balls. Amazingly this was his first half century for the club.

Then another landmark as Drurs reached his 50 for the first time before the drinks break, only to be told by Leggy to speed up the scoring rate! Doped up on orange barley Glassback whacked 5 boundaries in 8 balls to wipe the smile of Leggy’s face before being caught for 71 to end a partnership of 113.

It was tin hats in the vicarage as Dave G strode to the wicket. Over the next 10 overs we went through 8 spare balls as DG and DB peppered the leg side boundary with some quite awesome hitting. Doug was finally out for a sparkling 66 off 51 balls including 5 sixes.

Fraser was next at the crease to continue the onslaught and another 50 partnership came up in double quick time. Dave finally went for one big hit too many to be caught for a magic 59, with 54 coming from boundaries! At 245-4 we were just about on top!

With 4 run outs to his name this season, Beakey was overjoyed to be almost lapped by Fraser when getting off the mark! Butch wisely decided that boundaries would prevent quick singles and played a pair of glorious straight drives to knock in his new bat. Fraser weighed in with a massive slog sweep for 6 as the pair put on another 50 partnership in 7 overs, before Fraser was undone by a yorker for 43.

Strongy had gone through three Ikea pencils in the scorer's chair as Barrie brought up the 300. A flurry of late boundaries took us to 323-5 at the break, Beakey and Baz unbeaten on 33 and 14. A quite awesome display of batting to register the highest 2nd Team score in KCC history.

Tea was better than usual with coronation chicken cobs and club biscuits the highlight.

With so many runs on the board Leggy was able to set an umbrella field, even to his own bowling. However Boss Hogg really needed four leg slips as struggled with his line. Despite having to use the 8th ball of the game, Strongy found lots of movement, but we just couldn’t find the edge early on. At 30-0 we needed a breakthrough and Charlie finally nipped one back to hit the top of middle stump.

Leggy immediately introduced spin at the other end and the Lambley middle order were like startled rabbits to DG’s flighted filth. Drurs took two catches, Barrie another, and then two clean bowled’s saw Dave to career best figures of 5-20 off 6 overs. Strongy had nipped in with another wicket for great figures of 2-19 off 9 overs.

Fraser took a wicket in 2 maiden overs, and young Chris Soar wrapped things up with a plum LBW. Lambley were all out for 78 in just 21 overs for an overwhelming victory.

22 points on the day keeps us is 2nd place. Something has to give as leaders Caythorpe play 3rd placed Wilsons next week. A win for us against Belton would see us on the brink of promotion.

Happy days!

Don't Forget...Twenty20 is back!

Brave Firsts go down fighting

And so it came to pass that the wheels finally came off last season’s promotion bus as the firsts suffered their 11th defeat of the season away at Balderton and are now relegated to Div B. As with so many other results, the game would have gone either way, with the Millers still dreaming of a dramatic win right until the winning runs were scored.

With yet more selection headaches, Simon Tuckwell was drafted in to the side to ensure we had 11. However, when the skipper tossed up the visiting side consisted of only 5 players, so Rocket had to bat on a good-looking wicket.

By kick off the stragglers had navigated their way to the overcast and windy NG24 – Bobby’s sat nav seemingly reluctant to go anywhere north of the river.

IG and Emma Dale opened up and faced the hostile Sri Lankan Pro. The pair scratched around ducking the frequent bouncers before Dale was back in the hutch for 5 bowled by a Yorker length ball he was late on. Benji was next in and looked relatively comfortable before being the antithesis of the foul mouthed Aussie, by walking when caught behind prior to any appeal being made… it seems he was brought up not dragged up!

FKC elect Geoff Tindsley was next in and out, seemingly triggered LBW. IG was not finding top form, but unlike his colleagues was able to find the boundary on the odd occasion before he was caught behind for 26 trying to guide a short ball over the slips.

Sherro stayed around for a little while with Rocket before he was caught around the corner to one he didn’t think carried. Meeky was then cleaned bowled as the Millers were in disarray and looking to be all out for less than a ton. Bobby was unluckily trigged after inside edging the ball onto his pads. This was made worse as the umpire apologised to him as he walked off! But Rocket (27) and Dave Strong (32) saved the day, with Strongy and Andy Hiller putting on 43 for the 8th wicket. Balderton brought back their pace man, and peppered the pair with a number of short balls which saw Strongy take a couple for the team including one to the side of the helmet. It was a great effort though, and saw the Millers to 138 all out off the last ball of the 48. Not a great total, but far better than it could have been.

All eyes were on the football scores at halftime as the sides tucked into a nice spread.

The Balderton opening pair had a ying and yang approach; one would try and hit anything that was up, and the other seemed to be growing roots. The plan seemed to be working though as they got off to a quick start. This saw IG brought on early doors, and he bowled 4 straight maidens to stop the rot. Andy Hiller switched ends to bowl with the wind, and this soon brought dividends as he bowled two great balls to the more aggressive opener. The first caught a thickish edge and landed well short of the slips, but the next ball was a carbon copy but with a thinner edge and Benji happily snapped him up.

Dave Strong (2-20) produced his best bowling performance of the season and took a sharp return catch to remove their No3. At 72-2 after 23 the writing was on the wall, but 4 wickets on 6 overs changed things dramatically. Strongy got his second wicket in the same over, caught at slip, or was it LBW… who cares?! Iggy bamboozled their No5 by bowling a rank bad ball after 6 overs of dropping it on a sixpence. The half tracker was spooned up off the toe of the bat gladly poached by Meeky at short midwicket. Andy Hiller didn’t crack under the pressure of a dolly that skied towards him, again off IG (16-37-3). With ample overs left Balderton then tried to commit hare Kari in two successive run outs. Meeky kept his cool as their Pro lost his, and then Strongy sealed his man of the match performance by launching a throw over the top of stumps from somewhere in NG23 – Benji kept his cool to do the honours as the attempted third run was cut short by half a yard.

But as happened too many times this year it was a case of so near but yet so far, and the elusive 9th & 10th wickets were not forthcoming. Sherro was brought in from spending 35 overs in the Polars to bowl really well without any fortune. At the other end, Bobby Baker, taking over from Chris Ladd on the misery stakes, saw two sharp chances not quite go to hand at slip. The final throw of the dice was to bring back Rocket in the 8pm darkness to try to create some magic to save the day. Not even the “Eddie Tour” headband he had been sporting all afternoon could save the Millers as the winning runs were scored in the 45th over.

Despite the certainty of relegation, the KCC side walked off with their heads held high knowing that they fought all the way in a season that has been dogged by injury and availability.

So with two remaining games against fellow strugglers Newstead and table toppers Attenborough who’s to say KCC can’t finish with a bang and avoid the wooden spoon?

Stiffs Run Out Of Luck

The Stiffs crunch match against old friends and fellow promotion hopefuls Wilsons turned on a run out.

Boss Hogg took over coin tossing duties with regular skippers Boom Boom and Cowlard unavailable. August holidays had left our squad weaker than Kelly Sotherton's javelin and we had to make do with 10 men.

Winning the toss, Leggy took the new ball himself and immediately broke through with a regulation edge pouched by Beakey. At the other end Murali Burton was proving unplayable; mixing magical doosra's with unreachable wides as he struggled to grip the new cherry. Leggy pulled a masterstoke by resting himself and bringing on Bazzer who took a wicket straight away with a swinging yorker. Meanwhile Matt decided the only way to bowl with an older ball was to get dispatched into the Ashley Road gardens!

Duncan Disorderly quickly took over from Top Man. Leggy asked Dunc to concentrate on bowling six good balls, but it looked like he would need his full 12 overs to answer his Skipper's request! Still, not for the last time on the day, a rank bad ball took a wicket, Drurs gladly taking a catch at mid off from a rank long hop. Dunc then pleaded for an LBW, amazed that a ball pitching outside leg and fielded by leg slip could have missed the stumps. Leggy made a quick change to keep the red mist at bay. With the score on a promising 80-3, Murali produced an even more pleading appeal, down on one knee praying for the raised finger, which old friend Wassi just had to give.

Then the moment when the match turned. Dunc swooped at square leg and scored a direct hit at the non striker's end to run out opener Jeff Moore for a solid 35. At 90-5 off 30 overs we thought we could be into the tail. However we hadn't bargained for two of Wilson's first teamers to rock up at 6 and 7. Tim Caldwell batted beautifully smashing 60 in about 30 balls while his partner was equally fluent in an unbeaten 63. 100 runs came off 10 overs despite good bowling and fielding - the pair were simply too good for this Division. This allowed Wilsons to take the unusual step of declaring on 228-6 with 3 overs to bowl. Our bowling figures looked a bit ugly but everyone bowled really well: Leggy 1-40, Dunc 2-49, Baz 1-67 and Matt 1-69. Ground fielding would have made Sticky Palmer proud - especially young Chris Soar in the deep.

With rain a possibility, Wilsons chose to enforce a strict 20 minute tea interval - most unfortunate given another amazing spread from Jean! Smoked salmon sandwiches, special recipe bhajis, and clotted cream scones were wolfed down in double quick time. Though the highlight was Dimps presenting Drurs with a plate of fairy cakes in response to mickey-taking in these reports!!

Sadly Drurs had barely time for a mouthful before opening up with Evergreen Ern'. This was the best opening attack we'd faced all year, but the pitch was still good and the outfield fast as we raced to 33 off 8 overs. Then Ern was done for pace edging a pull to the keeper, wandering off muttering that the celebrations couldn't have been much louder if Lara had been dismissed!!

Butch was quickly undone LBW to a ball that cut back miles. And Barrie was another leg before victim to a vicious yorker. Wobbling at 45-3 we just had to weather the storm. Glassback and One-Gets-Two dug in and waited in hope of easier change bowlers. The opposition captain came on and bowled leg spin more erratically than Murali, but picked up a wicket with absolute filth - Paul toe ending a full toss to mid wicket! Top Man himself strode in at no.6 and pulled us back into the game with some lusty blows. Drurs passed 50 for the 5th time in a row, and at 129-4 we had a sniff. Sadly Matt then miscued a drive to mid on for 25, and Drurs somehow edged a full toss onto his helmet and into the keeper's gloves for 66. At 139-6 the game was gone.

Leggy hoped to get inspiration from Derek Randall signing his bat. But even the autographs of Bradman and Pietersen wouldn't have helped as Caldwell returned and polished off the tail to finish with great figures of 5-40. We were all out on 145.

A good team effort, but we were outclassed on the day. Our four points mean we hang on to second with all still to play for in the promotion race.

Retail Sales Up By 20%

High St retailers reported bumper sales on Saturday as KCC players were spotted trudging around John Lewis, Asda, Toys 'R Us and various other outlets in the Trent Valley as the weather put paid to any hopes of play.

This was a shame, especially for star guest Laddy, who was looking forward to tucking into a Seconds' bowling attack with as much gusto as his Friday night pie and chips.

Foul Mouthed French Buffoon Goes Ape!

Sacre bleu! What a game at le weekend it was at Le Champ des Rêves. Les Millers entertained les innés de Calverton. In many ways it was a game to forget for le grand champignons de Keyworth as another defeat was inflicted with just cinq boules to spare. But the game shall be remembered for other reasons due to the bad temper and ill feeling shown between certain members of both sides.

The previous day’s rain and a heavy shower in the morning meant a delayed start. Calverton were happy with this as they had only 10 men and were keen to stay off the field for as long as possible. They actually all left the ground en mass to take in some of the day’s play up the road at Plumtree! They were back by 2pm to hear that the wicket had dried sufficiently to have a 2.30pm start with 36 overs a side. KCC’s French international skipper, Rocket Rendu unfortunately lost the toss and the home side were inserted.

The Millers welcomed back the bronze Adonis and housewives favourite that is Geoff Tindsley. The local crowd were also were very pleased to see Liam ‘Pampers’ Sanders make his first outing of the season, getting straight into the action opening up with Bomber Graham. IG looked well enough, but the 4.30am close to the previous day out at the Test match would soon catch up with him. He was spotted taking 40 winks on Gemma’s massage table after being caught for a duck in the second over.

With the Foul Mouthed Aussie no longer around to steady the ship, the honour was left to Liam. Father Ted and the returning Postman fell in quick succession, leaving the Millers in all sorts of bother on a testing wicket. 23-3 in 8 overs.

Worse was soon to come as Liam pulled up lame and required Tinno to come back on as a runner. This didn’t seem to slow his scoring rate however as Liam looked in fine fettle sending the opening bowlers to all parts of the ground. At the other end, Renders again found some form and composure that has been typical of his recent knocks. Liam was out caught for 35 clipping through mid wicket which saw the retuning Emma-Dale come and go within 3 balls for a duck (85-5 off 20). Alex Sheriston (28 on 32 balls) did a great job to stay with and outscore Rocket before going for one big shot too many. Shortly after this, Rendu was out for a classy 62 in 75 balls.

Rob Baker was batting like a coiled spring and would have been out 10 times over if he’d been playing Baseball with multiple ‘swing-and-a-miss’ before finally connecting to accumulate a valuable 22 off 23 balls.

The innings closed at 165 all out in the final over; perhaps 5-10 runs down on a par score, but a good performance considering the opening 10 overs.

Tea was a Hiller-sister family affair, with everyone surprised that the expected 22 Pot Noodles were nowhere in sight and instead there was a fantastic spread that ticked all the boxes and more! (Thanks Mrs Hiller!!). Fruit Kebabs and Shelley’s surprise birthday cake were the highlights. For Calverton it must have been like eating at Sat Bains compared to the dreadful offering dished up at their ground earlier in the season.

The Millers knew that 165 was a testing target, and some tight bowling in the right areas would certainly test the mettle of a depleted visiting side. The plan went out of the window almost immediately as handbags were drawn at 10 paces following a controversial moment in Andy Hiller-sister’s first over. Father Ted was fielding at silly mid on, (possibly blocking the batsman’s view of all of the on-side boundary!), and he took a simple catch as the opener (and captain) clearly squeezed the ball between bat and pad. The entire Keyworth 11 were up celebrating the early breakthrough only for the umpire not to raise his finger and the batsman to stand his ground. In disbelief, a few heated words were exchanged between the players, as the batsman maintained that he did not hit the ball, much like Arséne Wenger ‘did not see it’ when one of his players did anything wrong…

In the midst of all this, the non-striking batsman had told KCC’s intrepid leader to go forth and multiply, which brought out the best and worst of Mr Rendu as he fired back as only he can, telling him to go back north of the river with his mates before doing a monkey impression and bellowing “ooh-ooh-ooh!!”…

This mad 5 minutes spurred the opening batsman on to try to get the match over and done with, and saw 7 an over scored off the first 10 overs. Liam had been turning it square in the nets, so he was quickly brought on to try to bamboozle and bag a wicket. Unfortunately ‘Pamps’ had a minor meltdown, struggling with a pulled quad and not recovering from his two bounce first ball, seeing his 2 overs go for a costly 24.

The war of words was still going on in the middle, with Bobby now having his say just an over before he crucially dropped the now grinning opener. Rocket did the same a few overs later to the same bat. Some of the ground fielding was below par as well, with Andy Hiller sister looking about as lithe and supple as a Smash robot.

But the home side did make a breakthrough and then took 3 wickets in as many overs between the spin twins of Graham and Baker who were loving the turn and bounce much more that the batsmen. At 117-4 off 20 a seed of doubt was set in the Calverton batsmen’s mind, and those who had taken an early shower were starting to get their whites back on. More words were exchanged between their outgoing No4 batsmen and Le Rocket Man for no apparent reason as things were starting to get a bit nasty.

With runs only coming from one end and Calverton looking like rabbits in the headlights, an unlikely win was whispered amongst the Keyworth ranks as 2 more wickets fell. With 6 overs to go only 13 was needed for victory, but another two quick wickets meant that it would all go down to the last two overs with 5 required and 2 wickets in hand. It was not to be, as the winning runs were knocked off with 5 balls left, despite Bobby’s impressive 5-58. Unsportingly the opening two batsmen did not show up for the post match handshakes.

This defeat now leaves the firsts needing to win the majority of their remaining 4 matches to catch Balderton who they play in a couple of weeks time in Le Crunch match.

Strong Show From Stiffs

A crushing victory for the Stiffs away at old friends Trumpton banished all memories of the previous week's capitulation.

Tuckers' commitment to our Youth Policy was already paying dividends as some late withdrawals allowed us to draft in spring chickens Lay, Beeton and Baldrey, with a combined 200 years and 1,300 appearances between them. At least young Chris Soar kept the average age of the side below 50.

Cowlard, still unbeaten as stand-in skipper, expected to be Captain Flack when calling incorrectly at the toss. But, we were amazingly given use of the new ball on a track more spicy than an Indian Night's vindaloo after heavy morning rain.

This week we were wound up and ready to play from the off. Strongy, promoted from the Firsts, was licking his lips bowling down hill and got trampoline bounce from the off, quickly getting a caught behind off the gloves. Paul Lay then almost pulled off a miraculous diving catch at point from one of many edges as the Trumpton batters were happy just to survive. Opposition skipper TVS had most of the Millers' dreaming of listening to TMS, digging in for a wartime occupation of the crease.

Cowlard had struggled to bowl up the hill and brought on Leggy for his best spell of the season. Opinion was mixed at the fall of the 2nd wicket in the 20th over with the score on just 35. Drurs dived to take a sharp catch at mid off to dismiss TVS off Leggy, but soon realised this might lead to the home side posting more than the 88 they had managed the previous season. This looked more ominous in Leggy's next over as Glassback dropped a much easier chance.

Cowlard then struggled to bowl down the hill now regretting a 4.30 am finish, though for a change this was due to a session with new arrival Charlie rather than Carling. Rocky Rainsford took over and was soon recording a personal best over 10 yards charging in wind assisted down the hill. And Bazzer soon had a breakthrough getting the dangerous no.3 to sky a leading edge to Drurs for 35. In the next over a carbon copy saw Drurs take a third catch off Leggy removing the no.5 for a duck. Leggy sensed good figures were on the cards and asked Cowlard for a fielder at Pete Hardy's cow corner in his penultimate over. This fell on deaf ears so the Boss promptly bowled two long hops which raced to the boundary as if to prove a point. Leggy finished with a maiden though for great figures of 2-26 off 12.

The Skipper was now desparate for a wicket and tried a third spell back up the hill, only to see Dimps drop a sitter at gully, day-dreaming about his tea. One-Gets-Two told Dave to visualise the ball as a fairy cake and this paid dividends straight away as the Keyworth Legend leapt like a salmon to take a great catch at deep gully off the returning Strongy.

The home side were miles behind the rate and this led to a calamitous run out with both batsman in the middle of the pitch allowing Jonty Legge the choice of ends. Glassback then took a fourth catch in the deep off Strongy. And before we had time to ask if four catches in an innings was some kind of record, Barry had been through the 300 score books to unearth the following.... "12 other performances of 4 catches in a match; the record is 5, by Ernie Lay as a wicket keeper v Clifton in 1984, of the 13 performances of 4 catches, only 3 previously were by non wicket keepers".

At 115-7 with two overs left the game was almost up. Strongy still had time to show his First team fielding skills letting a sitter through his legs at deep long on. The chances of Cowlard replacing Carol Vorderman on Countdown were looking slim as he had miscounted the number of overs leaving an odd one to be bowled at the end. Big Tone was told to fire up his Vespa, but had barely got out of first gear when his first ball was slogged over Pippin Fort and bounced off about three cars. The home side ended on 135-7, Strongy taking 3-31 and Barrie 1-24.

The highlight of tea was that there was enough to go round after Dimps used one plate for savouries and another for sweets.

In reply, Evergreen Ern' and Drurs batted sensibly, never too quickly, never too slowly, on a pitch that still had plenty of bounce. Despite a few edges the opening pair posted a 50 partnership by the 6 o'clock whistle and were well set to make an entry into Barry's archives, only for Drurs to be caught sharply in the gully for 51, with the score on 93.

Cowlard had been sent to the scorebox for some homework after his poor adding up in the field.

Strongy was delighted to trot in at no.3 and mixed some handsome shots with a few rusty wafts in an unbeaten 26. At the other end Ernie was defiant to the end, despite copping a bouncer on the helmet, not out on 44, as we cruised to victory in the 40th over.

Sadly our 16 points didn't match Caythorpe's 18 so we're just back into 2nd.

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