Promotion Party

After two years of choking it at the business end of the season, The Millers finally secured their place in Division 1B with a win at Thrumpton on Saturday. In his eagerness to claim promotion, captain Rendu arrived 45 minutes before play started – a season’s best for the long-haired buffoon.

The Trumpton pitch was soggier than a Dave Hiller tea, so it was no surprise that Rendu chose to bat after winning the toss! Openers Ladd and Graham grumbled their way out to the wicket, but played as if the wicket was from Trent Bridge not Trumpton as they dispatched the under-15 bowlers to all parts. Ladd managed to keep up the run scoring with Graham for 15 overs, but fell for 38 as the 13yr old leg spinner proved too wily for the big-eared opener. Postman Tindsley then boosted the young lad’s confidence by refusing to hit him off the square for ten overs. Graham passed 1,000 runs for the season before falling to an ugly hoik for 53. Rocket Rendu came in to steady the ship – despatching his first ball for six to move ahead of Graham and Parker in the 6s competition. Several huge hits followed as Rendu raced to 50, before being adjudged run out by Trigger, the Darrell Hair look-a-like from Plumtree. Parker sought to catch Rocket’s 6s tally, but perished in the deep for a duck. Meanwhile Tindsley had decided to remove his concrete shoes, and dispatched some “lusty blows” of his own – no doubt he’ll be hoping for more of those on his travels around the world. Baker came in, and faffed about against the 13yr old. Cries of “hit your wickets Baker” finally stirred the big man into life as he added late runs with some jammy slogs. With four balls to go, Tindsley was caught behind. Cometh the hour, cometh the Dessaur. With the pavilion baying for a golden duck, Dessy’s three balls (he’d need them all come Saturday night) went 2, 6, 3, to leave him with a 366% strike rate. 260-6 was above par.

Tea was voted “second best in the league”, with pies, pizza, and pasta from the hot plate amongst the highlights. Chocolate covered flapjacks stole the show, causing Laddy to eat melon to clear his arteries, whilst Tindsley stunned everyone by polishing off two pieces of the heavyweight cake.
Unsurprisingly, tea weighed heavy on the players as they took the field. Alan Hiller grabbed a wicket in his first over – LBW given by Trigger!!! Rendu tore into the 14 year old No3, who refused to play anything outside off stump. As the battle reached stalemate, the umpire (not Trigger) decided to call Rendu for some harsh wides. It was left to Golden Arm Dave Strong to seek wickets with his worst deliveries. It duly arrived in his first over as the the left handed dollied a catch up to Bobby Baker. Well, that was what should have happened, but Baker did his impression of a crocodile, and as he snapped his hands shut, the ball landed at his feet. Giggles all round, except from the burly spinner. “Mid off is the only safe place to hit it” taunted Rendu at his vice-captain. Dringy then did his own Billy Smart Circus juggling act, spilling a catch and a stumping, so it was left to the “Former Youth Policy” Tindsley and Hiller to show the way with a catch each as Strong tore through the middle order with his worst deliveries of an otherwise good spell. The 2nds arrived having finished early, and wandered the boundary reliving the “Shit Fielding” of Pistol Pete in a previous match at Trumpton. Spin “twins” Baker and Graham sensed a bagful of wickets, as the Trumpton later order averaged 16 ½ years, and shared 7 of them as the game ended at 6.15pm.

With Rocket’s family away, the captain was in the mood to party, but ended up sharing a pint with Drurs in West Bridgford! However, the open-top bus parade and celebrations will be held next week after the final game at home to Newark – lock up your daughters!

MoM : Geoff “The Postman” Tindsley – enjoy your World Tour.
TFC : Grant XXXX Parker

MOM Total : Dave G 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 4, Bomber 5, Big Tone 1, Grant 1, Rendu 2, Tinno 1