'Insporting' balderdash

The Firsts suffered a defeat at the hands of Balderton at the Field of Dreams. The wicket looked to be nearing its run-fest best, so after winning the toss Rocket chose to bat rather than field, as has been the recent tactic.

KCC again had 3 forced changes from last week’s outing with Dave Strong, Bobby Baker and Dave Garland coming into the fold. With Ian Graham still on his hols, Grant and Laddy opened up, perhaps for the last time, as this may be the big eared buffoon’s last outing in the league for the Millers following his recent job move to Wiltshire.

What KCC needed after recent displays was a solid opening partnership. The home side got off to a swift start in the extras column as Balderton’s Sri Lankan Pro, sporting excessive zinc sun block, totally lost his radar bowling down the hill gifting 8 runs off his first over. Grant, counting down his final games for Keyworth before he departs back to Oz at the end of July, is in great touch and seems intent on putting the batting average and 6 hitting competition out of everyone’s (especially Iggy’s) reach. Chris Ladd didn’t manage to go out on a high and was sledged for impersonating the night watchman before he fell for 8 with the score at 58 after 15 overs.

The home side needed to capitalise on their good start, and with Grant going past 50 seeing it like a football, things were looking good, but he failed to find support at the other end from the top order. The opposition had brought on their curly haired wrong-foot bowler who soon did for Emma-Dale, bowling him through the gate for a lame duck. Alex Sheriston and Steve Rendu were both out cheaply for 4, with Alex disgruntled after shouldering arms to the wrong footer and being adjudged LBW when not offering a shot. The Millers were 100-3 at drinks.

Stuart Meek came to the crease not wearing a lid, perhaps not seeing the Sri Lankan Pro limbering up in the deep for his second spell. When the bowling change came next over, the war painted Chaminda Vaas look-alike welcomed Meeky to the crease with some chin music that required emergency avoidance manoeuvres. Stuart literally picked himself up, dusted himself down, called for helmet and then got on with it. Despite seemingly uncharactertically miscuing all of his shots he contributed a useful 36 runs.

At the other end, Grant had been sending the ball to all parts and although having a bit of luck when dropped by the keeper early on, he brought up a deserved 100 with a massive 6 that was typical of his innings. It was unfortunate that the Aussie could not go on to top 150 as he was soon out caught for 110 after reportedly “trying to get on with it”, much to the amusement of his team mates who’d seen him smack 14 x 4’s and 4 x 6’s in his 108 balls faced!

Unfortunately the tail didn’t wag, and with the rapid Charminda breaking the off stump as Bobby fell for a duck, the Hiller-sisters were seen to look for an exit stage-left.

If it weren’t for Grant’s ton, the highlight of the innings would have been Dave G striding to the wicket in his Graham Gooch style white helmet, apparently unworn since it’s purchase in 1992, all it needed was a false moustache to complete the retro look.

The excessive runs ups of all the bowlers meant that it was nearing 5 o’clock with overs still to bowl. Seemingly in a hurry to finish the innings and get to the tea table, the umpire harshly gave Dave Hiller out, caught off his size 9’s, leaving Keyworth on a below par 194 all out in the 45th over.

Tea was a feast laid on by the Bakers (well… Paula anyway), with the seafood kebabs, coronation chicken wraps, Rob’s Special Potato Salad and scones with fresh cream and jam being the highlights.

After the tea break Keyworth were forced to toil in the early evening sun as they were unable to find an early breakthrough. With 3 vital catches dropped, the visitors reached 109-1 at half way.

The skipper tried 8 bowlers to try to stem the flow of runs, but the opening bat was on top and powered his way to a 100, matching Grants earlier effort. Long haired buffoon Rendu came up with a new word as he loudly called for all his team to clap the 100, stating this would be unlike Balderton’s “insporting” behaviour earlier in the day when only 4 of their team did so for Grant.

With the writing on the wall, Grant was brought on for his first over for 2 years to spice up the end of the game. The foul-mouthed Aussie duly obliged by trying to throw down the stumps after his first delivery was pushed back to him, only to hit the batsman who was all of 6ft away. 3 balls and 3 fours later the batsman had won that particular battle.

The winning runs were finally knocked off in the 40th over for 2 wickets, seeing the home side drop into the bottom two.

Keyworth will welcome back Ian Graham next week for the trip to bottom placed Newstead, but again the availability merry-go-round keeps turning, as the Millers will be without Laddy, Bobby, Rocket and Grant.

One more note is that the draw has been made for the Popkess Cup, seeing Keyworth drawn against Gotham’s caped crusaders on Sunday 6th July, where IG may renew acquaintances with the bottom slapping Danny Anderson.