Double Top

KCC 1st XI took inspiration from news that the Stiffs had won their League by trouncing Hucknall Rolls Royce by eight wickets to become Champions of Division 1B.

The teams were raring to go by 1.15pm, as everyone realised the importance of the game. Various permatations had the statisticians’ calculators overheating, whilst Rob Baker had spent the morning pouring over the League rule book. The Millers called up Dave Hiller to replace Strong who was getting drunk somewhere, whilst Captain Rendu took the “Luck of the Irish” phrase to heart by making a pilgrimage to kiss the Blarney Stone in Ireland. Baker took the captain’s armband for the second week, and inserted a nervous looking Rolls Royce team, who started the day top of the league.

The Hiller sisters opened up, and bowled tidily but a fifty opening partnership had a few KCC faces looking nervous. Andy Hiller finally broke through with an LBW, before Chatterbox Meek talked the second wicket out. The Aussies brothers Parker and Bayford had just finished some Keystone Cops fielding which allowed the batsman a second run.
“Don’t worry lads, it’s a good idea to keep him on strike”, said the cheeky chubby chappy. Next ball, Handy Andy Hiller rearranged the woodwork with an inswinger. In came the Rolls Royce danger man, who promptly smashed a ball passed first change bowler Graham. Whilst fielders dug around in the hedge for the ball, Laddy thought he could match Meek’s chat. “It must be a pain when the ball keeps going in the hedge” said the batsman. “We’d be alright if you didn’t play so straight” said Laddy from slip. Next ball, the dangerman swished across a straight one from Graham and was plumb LBW. However, Rolls Royce rode their luck with some lofted drives into gaps, and were ticking over at 5 an over. Graham kept plugging away after some early tap, and picked up 6 wickets for 70, including at least four from full tosses that were caught in the deep. Baker, playing through the pain barrier with his dodgy shoulder, finally snaffled the opening batsman, who had just called for a runner after reaching 50, but skied the next ball to Dave Hiller at long-on. With some good ground fielding, catches held, and some good death bowling from Dave Hiller, the Millers restricted the Rolls to 209-9 at tea, fifty less than they wanted.

Tea was served up by the Youth Policy, with the highlight being the end of it. Commendation must go to the chicken tikka rolls, and juicy melons.

In reply, Laddy got out of the blocks first with three fours, but perished caught behind – allegedly! Parker and Graham continued the pacey start, as the boundaries came thick and fast. One six from Graham had half the first team searching for the ball in the hedge. A coconut was found, but was turned down by the umpires. Deeper and deeper into the hedge went Beake and Ladd, before arriving in someone’s back garden. The size of the dog turd saw the pair scamper back to the safety of the Field of Dreams, before the German Shepherd dog returned for some dinner! Back on the field, Rolls Royce turned to their star spinner, leading wicket taker in the league. What followed beggered belief, as the star man bowled donkey drops from 26 yards. Graham played one over with respect, before realising it was absolute filth and smashed him to all parts. Three big sixes down to the Village Hall had the 7 foot body builder, out exercising his dog, running for cover. In one over, the match had swung into the Millers’ favour.

After a 100 partnership, Parker fell caught behind for 42, and trudged off fuming that he had missed out on the smorgasboard of spin bowling, but Tindsley continued the good work, supporting Graham to see the Millers home with overs to spare. He finished with 31*, whilst Graham’s efforts in the match had seen him grab most of the season’s awards. 93 not out, six wickets, and umpteen sixes, left probably only the fielding award up for grabs. He’s probably won that too.

Celebrations started in the Youth Policy’s dressing room, with Baker showing his experience by spraying champagne everywhere before departing to the senior player’s changing room to shower. The season’s success had been a club effort, with the likes of Tony Spence, Simon Tuckwell, Dave Garland contributing through the season. Even Director of Cricket Dessaur, and Keeping Coach Dring were there to see the season’s triumph.

The club’s celebrations were started at The Salutation, where the toast was for Shelly’s contribution as Scorer of the Year. Even Chairman Drury was pushing the boat out with two bottles of lager. The first team headed to Bridgford to continue the party, with Captain Baker on his phone to the League to gain confirmation that we had won the league thanks to an extra winning draw. Various shots were downed as Tindsley splashed the Kitty money, leaving Dave Hiller having hot and cold flushes in Fire & Ice.

MOM : Ian Graham
TFC : The Rest of the League
MOM Total : Ian Graham 4, Andy Hiller 2, Grant Parker 1, Dave Strong 2, Bobby Baker 1