KP's The Nuts

Having given Belvoir a good licking, the 1st XI continued their good form with a thumping win over Nottingham. The Field of Dreams looked a picture in the sunshine, with a featherbed for a wicket. Team selection was a shambles, with the Stiffs refusing to select captain Cowlard, who was dropped to the 1s. Also called up was Steve “Tommy” Thomas, fresh from a Stars in Their Eyes appearance as Robson Green.

Captain Ron Jeremy Rendu came second at the toss, and was duly inserted. Laddy and Bomber Graham lashed 80 off 15 overs before Graham middled a full toss down deep square’s throat. Laddy, fearing another rollicking from the watching VP Geoff Baker after a midweek pep talk in Edinburgh, pushed on to fifty. Bored with the spinners, Ladd threw his wicket, with Parker following quickly behind. Rendu flapped around, much to the disgust of his father, who told anyone that would listen that Rocket’s sister was the better cricketer.

It was left to Big Tone to anchor the innings (69*) with his Kevin Pietersen batting style, and Kevin the Gerbil hair style. He also grabbed a new KCC record – taking 18 singles in a row, before pushing the boat out and running a two – great excitement for all that were present. It was left to Marcel Dess(aill)y to make the bottom of the innings wiggle to his tune, much like the Bestwood Belle’s bottom the night before.

Tea was an outstanding effort from The Collisons, although few knew what mystery injury had stopped Dale from playing rather than slicing melons. The Collison Club Sandwich was the highlight.

As the Nottingham innings was about to begin, Captain Rendu bouyed the troops with an on-field huddle which ended rapidly, after Laddy’s windy appreciation of the Collison tea. Rendu struck early, holding a stunning caught and bowled, after the pinch hitter smashed one straight back. Graham bowled his tweakers up the hill and returned 5-44 from 16 overs - appealing himself hoarse in the process.

Baker saw his chance to go for the jugular of the Nottingham innings, and quickly went for 11 in his first over, including a big six which ruined the Vicar’s Tea Party. However Nelly steadied himself to snare a hat-trick, thanks to some smart glove work from Dringy, who had taken five hours to sober up from a day at the Test. As the Nottingham innings fell apart, Cowlard was brought on to rapturous applause from the returning 2nd XI, who perhaps knew the bowling change would allow them the time to steal all the hot water from the showers for the second week running. Sensing the plot, Baker duly rapped up the innings and maximum points for the Millers, winning by 100 and plenty runs.

MOM : Big Tone (it will give him something to brag about on his world tour)
TFC : Judy Garland

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 1, Bomber 1, Big Tone 1