Dad's Army

A fine team effort rewarded Ted’s faith in experience over youth with a win for the 2nds away at Kimberley.

Cowlard was away at a wedding and Kitcho nursed a career threatening bruised finger, replaced by youngsters Beeton, Burton and Meek.

The crock of gold at the end of a rainbow would have been easier to find than the ground, with the back streets of Kimberley resembling Hampton Court maze.

Leggy took over the captain’s armband, lost the toss, and we were batting on a pitch just slightly more prepared than the adjoining football outfield.

We got off to a great start with Scooby and Ernie putting on 138 for the first wicket, enjoying a decent amount of filth. After two soft dismissals Tony was determined not to get out and hit 13 4’s and a 6 on his way to 86. Ernie frustrated the bowlers taking his usual guard half way down the track making 35.

The partnership was chanceless but Leggy was not taking any risks having four men padded up in case of another Keyworth collapse. Both openers fell in quick succession to leg spin to leave Drurs and Private Stretton to push on for maximum batting points. The pair put on 68 to take us beyond 200, but Leggy wanted more, threatening Fraser with guard duty if he didn’t score at 12 an over. Still this wasn’t a car bonnet to bat on once the bowlers had realised the importance of pitching the ball. Fraser was out off the penultimate ball for 22, to leave Top Man to take us to 215-3 at the break, Drurs was unbeaten on 49.

Tea was right up there with the worst we’ve had, thoroughly undeserving of the £30 price tag. Not even Gordon Ramsey could have turned round this kitchen nightmare.

We needed a tight start and Scooby and Meeky were bang on target conceding just 30 from the first 12 overs. Scoob picked up 2 wickets, the second the champagne moment, Ernie pouching a rocket at mid on that had to be surgically removed from his hands. Tony somehow hobbled through his spell to finish with 2-19 off 12.

Boss Hogg kept up the pressure and frustrated the young no.4 who’d scored a ton against us a fortnight ago, grabbing his valuable wicket for 36.

The rate needed was rising from 6 to 7 to 8, but so was Leggy’s blood pressure as our fielding went to pieces. Leggy had prepared a pre-match DVD of level 2 fielding skills, but unfortunately only had the West Indies first test shambles as archive footage. And we had all manner of fumbles and drops that would have seen Billy Smart drooling. Liam was falling out with himself before, during and after every delivery, bowling a good spell of 1-37 off 7.

Some decent hitting saw us get a little fretful, but with 10 an over needed from the last 10, we were always more or less in control. Meeky and Top Man saw us through as the home side ended on 199-7.

We celebrated back at Kimberley’s favourite pub, The Cricketer’s Rest, with Landlord Meeky serving up a fine platter of coronation chicken sandwiches. Leggy ran us through week 2 of Samit Patel’s new fitness regime, which left a couple of crusts between the rest of us.

Special mention to Dimps for umpiring and Chris Soar for scoring.