The Fingerless White Coat

After another two week delay in the stop start 2007 season, the Millers made the trip to Collingham. Several players were panicking as the trip drove them East of the A1. As usual, most failed to hit the 12.45pm deadline, but with nine players in the hut raring to go, it was no surprise to see Rendu elect to bat on a featherbed.

Graham & Ladd opened up, and smashed the ball to all parts. Unfortunately, the fielders were well positioned, and it was only a no-ball in the third over that saw the scoreboard move off 0-0. Parker and Bayford then did their Australian version of the Dukes of Hazzard, tearing into the carpark, windows down, with dust spraying up behind them. Cricketing rules before the rains stated that a batsman could be dismissed nine ways. However, either the MCC had changed the rules, or the umpires were rusty, as it transpired in this game that only bowled or caught would suffice. Graham was plumb in front, but the umpire refused to unleash his finger, and soon after, he was bowled off a no-ball that wasn’t. Some how, the pair put on fifty before Laddy nicked a legside edge to the keeper, and quickly realised that walking was a ridiculous thing to do given the generosity of the umpiring. Bobby Baker arrived at the ground with his rehabilitation programme in full swing – the McDonalds family bag proving ample weight on his tender shoulder. Back on the field, Graham top-edged a slog having blushed through the applause for his fifty. Tindsley came in at 4, and soon took one in the family jewels. The pain proved too much, and he was soon caught at mid-wicket, prompting a sprint for the ice bath to reduce the swelling. A KCC collapse was unfolding as Bayford and Meek came and went, but Parker pushed on to another fine fifty before falling. Tuckwell then produced a cameo alongside Rendu to push the score beyond 200. Having proved his worth in the 2s, Tuckers was quickly padding the extras score up. A pirouette hook was straight out of the Michael Jackson dance school, and a dive to make Greg Louganis proud. Butcher Beake came in for a meaty cut at the end, and then was run out by a mile on the last delivery – but clearly the umpire refused to raise the finger, leaving Rendu on a handy 36*. 211-7 at tea was above par.

Ground Force star Charlie Dimmock provided tea, and an eyeful for those keen to look with a low-cut dress. Sadly those were the only fresh baps on display, as the stale sandwiches took some swallowing.

In reply, the Hiller sisters opened up with Strong on the corporate gravy train at 20/20 finals day, and Rendu nursing a sore knee. Both bowled tidy spells, with Andy refused at least one plumb LBW from the fingerless white coat. Dave Hiller finally got the breakthrough as Parker pouched one at cover. With the run-rate creeping up but with wickets in hand, the game was well balanced. This was soon ruined as Graham tore through the middle order with 5-21. With plenty of turn, the 9-1 legside field was well justified, with four short legs at one point, all refusing to get close enough to catch anything. The umpires then woke from their slumbers, with Square Leg white coat calling a no-ball for three fielders behind square on the legside. Ironically, two of said fielders were Aussies Parker and Bayford – did they learn nothing from Bodyline? On a roll, the umpires then decided a bump-ball was a catch, and the language turned blue as Collingham’s last hope of a win departed. The final overs as the game lurched to a bore draw, but were sprinkled with Dougie Bayford’s wily Warne-like leg spin unleashed on Div 1B for the first time, and he was unlucky not to pick up a wicket. Buster Gonad Tindsley bowled a swell spell, picking up a plum wicket, but a final flurry of wickets were not enough. Seventeen points proved a welcome haul, as the Millers headed home in the evening sunshine.

MOM : Ian Graham
TFC : Meeky

MOM Total : Ian Graham 2, Andy Hiller 1, Grant Parker 1, Dave Strong 2, Bobby Baker 1