Woeful at Willoughby

Another dreadful run chase saw the Firsts slump to defeat to Willoughby at Platt Lane. But such is the mad world of Keyworth cricket that we jumped to the top of the Division after Risley also lost to bottom of the table Southwell.

As usual the pre-match banter was full of ill-discipline and sob stories. Skipper Tinno set a fine example with a 3am finish and a poor night's sleep on the sofa. Tuckers had a stomach like a Hotpoint washer after filling his face with a week's calories in one sitting at Miah's. See-Soar meanwhile was all of a wobble at Trent Bridge after a couple of shandy's. Cowlard got an early sight of Platt Lane but inspected the football pitch by mistake after a night on the sauce. Strongy failed a late fitness test to protect his average, while Tom was missing on the hunt for a decent standard of Saturday football, though a run out for Keyworth United Stiffs wasn't quite the tier we'd expected!

Rocket hadn't touched a drop but still managed to put his trousers on the wrong way round for the third time in a row. At least this was a step ahead of See-Soar who had turned up without his whites, then rushed up to the FOD to see if they were there, only to find they were in his kit bag all the time. With sister Angry serving a ban for foul and abusive banter, sister Day was reminded of the need for respect and to swap F's and C's for F and G.

Phew: somehow we made it onto the field and actually turned in a fine display.

Rocket was licking his lips at a hard track and reduced the home side to 3-2; Jay-Vee taking a smart catch at 2nd, followed by a clean bowled yorker. Cowlard bowled like a dream but couldn't make a breakthrough, at one stage causing five play-and-misses in a row. 12 straight overs for just 21 was a great effort. We were well on top, and could even afford Tinno reaching double figures for the season for spilled chances.

The score had reached 62 when the new DJ Sammy removed home skipper Ben Boot when well set. Sam recovered from his first two balls going for boundaries to post fine figures of 1-23 off 6 overs.

Day Hiller was first choice spinner with Bobby and IG still away on beach cricket duty, and bowled some fine flight, with two yorkers in great figures of 10-0-22-2.

Tinpot took the second spinner's slot. While Leggy was dismayed a few weeks back for being out c. Tarran b. Soar, league batsmen would be considering retirement for falling c. Drury b. Tindsley. But that was the fate of two lower order lemmings, with the Chairman taking a remarkable diving catch at silly mid on, unlikely to be repeated this decade.

Fortunately Cowlard took a safe catch in the deep, to go with some great throws, to take the fielding point off Drurs. Tinno finished with fine figures of 3-22 off 6. Rocket returned to mop up the tail to finish with 4-33 off 10.3.

Willoughby ended with 126, which felt about 100 below par. Hmmm.

Tea was an old-skool sit down plated affair, and comfortably made it through to the next round of KCC Mastertea 2011, Pate made a fine accompaniment to French baguettes, while samosas were wolfed down by all apart from Tuckers, who managed a few crisps. Cherry bakewells were exceedingly nice and offset the lack of fresh fruit.

In reply, we were soon batting with as much nouse as the Indian tourists. Jay had pulled up lame when making a great save on the boundary, and went down as if shot when going for a quick single, literally doggy-paddling to make his ground. Poor Jay had to retire hurt on 0. The home side's tearaway quickie removed Dale for 3, then Drurs was LBW for 0, and we were effectively 11-3. The Postman was batting well, but had a rush of blood and holed out to deep square for 20. Benji was bowled for 8 and at 41-5 we were in a hole.

Sam smashed a quick 20, including the shot of the day, a six that almost reached the railway line, before being harshly judged stumped. Rocket made just 1, Cowlard 0, and Day 5 as we fell apart. Tuckers was last out for 4, with See Soar unbeaten on 4.

Extras top scored on 24, summing up a dreadful batting display, as we were all out for 86. Village.