Stiffs In A Spin

A lemming-like batting collapse saw the Stiffs comprehensively beaten by Attenborough.

The Field of Dreams looked a picture for the visit of Attenborough with the sun glinting off the latest additions to our sponsor boards.

Cowlard lost the toss and we batted first. Ernie was quicker out of the blocks than Usain Bolt, hitting 11 boundaries in a fluent half century, as we raced to 70 without loss in no time.

The introduction of spin at both ends was the turning point of the whole game. Ern ran out of patience and was bowled sweeping a yorker for 50. Geoff Miller was quickly heading to the ground with news of a new no.3 for the Stiffs....... Leggy. The Boss didn't disappoint getting off the mark with a boundary, and then swatting a six, both to his favourite Cow(lard) corner. At 100-1 we were looking well placed. Drurs had once again scored a century to the fielders, but was starting to find the gaps, until a dreadful rush off blood saw him stumped off a wide for 31. Leggy fell the next over for 16.

Our middle order proceeded to exit quicker than members of Gordon Brown's cabinet. Cowlard (20) and Paul Lay (5) were both out caught and bowled to the same bowler to the same shot. Kitcho had bought a new bat and chipped his first ball straight to mid wicket, an accident waiting to happen. Check out ebay for a 'G&M cricket bat; used just once; one less than careful owner'. Young Billy was all at sea after being told to expect an off spinner, only to see the ball go the opposite way, sadly forgetting that he was a left hander, and was bowled first ball.

We'd slumped to 130-7 and the trolley of shame was creaking with victims.

Liam looked in good form hitting 11 off as many balls, but then had a difference of opinions with Dimp, the ball hitting the pad or outside edge depending on which story you believed. The umpire's view was final. JB added another duck to the scorebook and we were down to the last pair.

Duncan Disorderly (16*) and Chris See-Soar (6*) showed the middle clowns how it should be done with a fine last wicket partnership of 29. Dunc hitting a great square cut and Chris a lovely clip off his legs for boundaries as we saw out the 45 overs to reach 172-9. About 50 runs short but something to bowl at.

Team Elliott had prepared a splendid feast that justified the use of the best KCC china. Beetroot surprise and strawberry mini rolls were the highlights, washing up the plates the downside for spectators Hallam, Daft and Cottee.

The veterans dressing room smelt like an old-fashioned chemist as Cowlard and Leggy went through three tubes of Deep Heat and two of Savlon to warm up their respective groin and pile conditions.

AC bowled a fabulous opening spell reducing the visitors to 22-3, a clean bowled jaffa, and then Paul taking two good catches behind the stumps. Sadly for Paul, two didn't become three as a low chance just went begging. At the other end Leggy was fretting about not having a bowling marker and went for three four's in his first over before settling down for a steady spell. AC bowled his 12 overs straight through, ending with fine figures of 3-33.

The fourth wicket partnership won the game taking the score from 22 to 139. We had a few half chances, but this was a good wicket and put our poor batting display into context. JB and Kitch got both batters out after they had both passed 50, but by that stage the damage was done. To sum up our day Drurs dropped a diving catch with six to win. Attenborough cruised home for the loss of five wickets winning with a six to Cowlard corner.

Overjoyed at the success of his Samit Patel diet, and finally being able to fit into his Ted Baker shirt, Boss Hogg thought about ordering the entire Specials menu. Sheriff Hallam had other ideas quickly confiscating the tea money and saving Leggy's shirt buttons from unnecessary stress.

A poor day, but not as bad as old friends Caythorpe, who were rolled over for 33 in 14 overs, despite Kingy hitting the first ball for six! Chin up slogger!