Stiffs Spot On at Long Whatton

Lots more fun and games in a victory for the Stiffs away at old friends Long Whatton that in the end was more one-sided than a Zimbabwean election.

An early roll call for the official team photo saw several of the Stiffs' playboys looking paler than their whites: Cowlard was legless before the sun had set while Duncan Disorderly hadn't seen his bed until the sun had risen.

Meanwhile Ted was still negotiating team selection in the car park with Paul Lay in both sides. Rock God Garland and Rocky Rainsford were replaced by Drurs and Top Man Burton.

Arriving at the beautiful Long Whatton ground the squad went through their normal varied warm ups; Drurs jogging round the outfield, The Adonis turning up the heater a notch on the drive over, while AC and Boss Hogg investigated the beer tent in situ for an after match Jazz Evening.

Vice Captain Cowlard called the toin coss correctly, took the new ball, and soon had a breakthrough, Ernie took the catch but was the only person on the field not to hear the edge. At the other end Liam had a mental breakdown after two balls and just about completed his only over. AC struck again as one became two with Paul Lay taking the catch at mid off.

Despite our attack missing the Tollerton Express, Long Whatton's no.3 was taking no chances, more protected than the Arsenal back four of the 90's. The grille on his helmet was clearly affecting his vision as a long single to Drurs was turned down: "There's not one to that young man", made Glassback's year and the rest of the side lost for words.

Leggy settled into a steady line and length and at 40-2 in the 14th over swung the game in our favour. First the no.3 mis-timed a lofted drive to Drurs at mid on, then two balls later the paper boy no.5 played on for a duck. 2-27 off his 8 overs was a fine spell.

The fifth wicket partnership proved crucial: good batting but tight bowling from spin twins Murali and Adonis. JB was rewarded for turning 65 during the week by bowling uphill and into the wind, but with the partnership approaching 50 made a vital breakthrough, Boom Boom using his belly to cushion a straight drive and safely pouching the rebound. Top Man then bagged an edge at fly slip and we were well on top at 100-6. JB and Murali bowled out with tight figures of 2-36 and 0-36; Matt doing especially well defending the short leg side boundary.

Ground fielding was at times athletic at others arthritic. Jonty Legge was on course for the fielding point until a comical dropped catch. Leggy charged after a spiralling drive, waving his hands in the air like a contestant invited to 'Come on down' on The Price is Right. He grasped at thin air and landed with a thump on his bonce, narrowly beating a count of 10 getting to his feet looking like he'd taken a Ricky Hatton haymaker.

Ted was the unlucky bowler and was soon ruing the miss as the home side finally took advantage of the short boundary. Two tins of Dulux were needed to gloss over his figures of 0-29 off 2 overs! Cowlard returned at the death with two more wickets, but not before Liam had spilled a catch at square leg, followed by an amazing tantrum with his sunglasses stamped on and smashed to smithereens. AC finished off with great figures of 4-31 off 11 overs as the home side reached a below par 162-8 at the break.

Tea was the usual high standard. Corned beef sandwiches were noteworthy, but the mixed red berry flan was the highlight.

Our run chase proved straight forward. Evergreen Ern' and Drurs set off like spring chickens and had us well ahead of the rate. Ernie took to batting three yards out of his crease to counteract the increasingly low bounce, but in the 17th opener spanked a half volley to extra cover for 20.

As usual at Long Whatton, Drurs scored a century straight to the fielders, while Ted found there were no barriers in the sky, lofting some trademark leg side boundaries.

Skipper Ted's only distractions were the gathering storm clouds and being downwind of the hog roast. At 148-1, Drurs parted for a patient 59. In came Matt Burton, a better finisher than Fernando Torres, and struck 16 off a handful of balls, winning the match with a huge six narrowly missing the 19.20 Easyjet flight landing from Malaga. Ted remained unbeaten on 45 and we cruised home with 10 overs to spare.

Another fun day out and 19 points to remain top of the league.