Plums Suck

Saturday finally saw the big game take place, after months of hype. Plumtree 2s were the latest lambs to the slaughter at The Abbatoir (formerly known as Field of Dreams). Confusion reigned before the game had started as a misprint in the World Cup wallchart in Plumtree made the opposition unaware that Sven’s boys were kicking off at 2pm. Refusing to split the cricket around the Paraguay game, the Plums got their come- uppance as Rocket won the toss and gleefully chose to bat. As the Plums took the field in sweltering heat, Judy arrived with a house aerial stolen that morning from a rooftop in Solihull. Rugby fan Garland was hopeful that the giant aerial could pick up porn rather than football from Germany, but all he found was Motty and Lawro.

Graham & Ladd opened up, but with cheers reverberating round Keyworth after the early World Cup goal, Laddy smashed one to cover and hurried back to see the own goal replays. DJ Vospa span his tunes one last time before leaving for his world tour, although rumours abound that he’s got a gig playing the decks for the Summer at the “Skegness Swingers Afternoon Tea Party”. After a quick twenty, one DJ departed for another. Sammy made a welcome return, and with Bomber Graham carpet bombing the boundaries, the boys upped the run rate by taking 29 off 8 balls.

Graham smashed his way to an excellent 123, and a deserved place in the “Tons against Plums” Hall of Fame. Sammy got a fine 63, whilst all of the middle order contributed. Parker got excited about reaching 20, and ran himself out. Meek slugged a few with his improved golf swing, whilst Garland and Rocket got a sweat up with some quick running. It was left to Baker to put the icing on the cake (rather than eating the whole thing) with a huge six off the final ball. Baker returned to the pavilion before the ball landed in Chopper Harris’s former garden. DJ Sammy entered into long negotiations with the Plums scorer as the run fest had led to a miscount, before settling at 350-7. Barry skuttled off to his history books to see if that was a new record at the Field of Dreams.

Tea was the best of the season so far, as The Reporter and his beautiful girlfriend put on a marvellous spread – Millionnaire’s Shortbread and Choc Ices were the highlights.

In reply, The Plums were never in it. Laddy swallowed his first edge of the season off Rendu, whilst Golden turned his hand to some masterful off spin. The fielding was good until Dale did a fine impression of Monty Panesar by dropping a dolly at mid off. Undeterred, Dale changed his contact lenses, and returned to catch a skier in the deep, although bowler Baker had to shout out his preferred candidate to catch it as three mute fielders ran towards each other.

Laddy created some fireworks after taking his second edge of the day, by informing the team huddle that the previous five overs had been “indifferent”. After some internal spats, the Millers returned to work, with Dave Garland taking two sharp stumpings. The Plums shut up quicker than a New Orleans shopkeeper in a hurricane, and the game dawdled to a draw. Stumps were drawn at 8.30, leaving the married players to dash to their mobiles and promise they’d be home soon.

For the singletons, Buzz beckoned. Most watched more World Cup action, and tales of derring do from John the Adonis Beeton – “real men don’t eat quiche”. However The Lothario Duncan “Disorderly” Tarran, chose to recant his fine fielding display to the cute barmaid. The Reporter left before romance blossomed, but good money had been bet that the match headline might be repeated before sunrise..

MOM : Bomber Graham
TFC : “Royal Birk” Dale

MOM Total : Garland 1, DJ Sammy 1, Bobby 1, Bomber 2, Big Tone 1