Bramcote Baths

A dismal day away at Bramcote where our batting matched the shabby weather. Heavy overnight and morning rain had left the bowlers' run ups looking like the shallow end at the nearby Baths.

After a close inspection of the Glastonbury mud bath, Tinno won the toss and decided it was time for Bowl First Keyworth.

The home side were none too keen to leave the comfort of the dressing room, leaving the Millers on stage hanging around, waiting for the headline acts to arrive.

Most importantly, Dimps had forgot his wellies, and could only offer liquorice mints to while away the time before the rain finally stopped and the match was reduced to 36 overs a side.

Leading wicket taker And Dave Strong opened up with Angry Hiller and both bowled a bit too short to take advantage of the swamp like conditions.

Laddy will be chuckling over his cornflakes hearing about more comic capers in the catching cordon. Tinno chipped a nail missing a sitter at 2nd and left the field for a manicure, while Drurs was offering Bobby a free eye test voucher after the Vice failed to pick up an edge at gully. Angry Andy was scathing in his judgement, "every week, ******* useless", and stomped off to fine leg.

For Garfield Graham, the sight of a seaming green top was the equivalent of a trip to Lourdes for his dodgy back, and the old pro sent down 9 overs of seam-up taking 4-15. Benji set the ball rolling with a Tom Daley half pike with tuck, recovering after slipping going for a simple catch.

Bobby had a rare off day with the ball, and it was his protege Day Hiller who worked through the lower order with Tom taking the day's fielding point with a fantastic catch down the leg side. A couple of late run outs saw the home side dismissed for 109, about 20 short of the par score according to the Tuckwell Legge Method.

Bramcote's entry for KCC Mastertea 2011 was disqualified for the use of outside caterers, though still wouldn't have featured due to the complete absence of fruit and veg. Mr Kipling's Viennese Whirls were the dry highlight.

If this was what it was like to bat in the 1960's, then Boycott can stick his 'uncovered peetches' up his Yorkshire a***. Bramcote's quick tore in licking his lips, and was clocked as 'brisk' on the Afghan-ometer, but a broken ankle short of 'rapid'. Tinno was trapped LBW playing back to a yorker, while Jay played down the A453 rather than the A52 and lost his middle pole.

Bradman was threatening to win the game single-handedly until unluckily gloving a lifter behind for a quick fire 35. Benji got a carbon copy to be caught at gully for 7 and Tom was another caught on the crease LBW for 2. Drurs was counting down the balls until the openers were off, until Dimps decided that bat hitting pad was an outside edge and sent the Chairman back, more miserable than Morrissey, for 6.

At 61-6 we were stuck in the mud, and needed the support act of Strong and Baker to step up and deliver a headline set. Both played the change bowlers with ease until falling in successive overs with the score at 89. Tuckers was another to spit the dummy stumped, allegedly, for 2. It was left to the Hiller-Sisters to do it for themselves, but Angry holed out to mid off to see us rolled over for 93.

A cracking pint of pavilion real ale from the Nottingham brewery could only leave a bitter taste as we made our sorry way home.