Afghan Express

The Stiffs were blown away in under three hours by an Afghan storm away to old friends Lambley.

Cowlard was looking for any excuse to avoid playing at his least favourite away ground, and settled for a game with the Firsts. So it was left to Leggy to lead a mixture of old pros and under 13’s to the quirky postage-stamp sized ground. We only had 10 men but were inspired by the memory of beating the home side with 9 men back in time.

With temperatures soaring into the 80’s, Leggy had no hesitation in batting first; less that we had a strong batting line up, and more that he didn’t want to stand in the sun for three hours.

Drurs and Evergreen Ern set off like a train racing to 40 off the first 8 overs. Ernie was apparently trying a new tactic of batting two yards out of his crease to counter the threat of both LBW and swing, but hadn’t factored in top-edging a full toss behind, out for 15.

With the opening bowlers hot under the collar we looked set for a big score. The first change bowler was still in bed half an hour before the game and strolled across the outfield with his kit as Lambley took the field. This was clearly a ploy to retain his energy as he paced his run up out almost to the boundary’s edge. Drurs had an inkling that something unusual was on the cards with the ‘keeper standing more than the length of a pitch behind the stumps, and this became a reality as a third ball bouncer sailed over his helmet for a wide, with the speed gun confirming pace was on the lightning side of rapid.

This was just a sighter as the 17 year old from Afghanistan moved through the gears next over. Billy was bowled still taking his back-lift. Two balls later one became two as Paul Lay had his off stump flattened. Leggy somehow got a bat on the fifth ball for a single. The last ball saw Drurs’ off stump cart-wheeling, the Chairman happy to have made 24 before the carnage began.

Not content with losing his off stump, Billy then lost the leg off his chair, toppling half way down the railway embankment.

Leggy’s off stump was the next to take off, and the skipper took drastic action on his way back to the hutch promoting JB up the order to allow the club’s Child Protection Officer time to assess the whether it was safe for the under 13’s to have a bat. JB was questioning if it was also safe for the over 65’s as well as his first ball crashed into his inner thigh. His off stump soon went the same way and the Afghan Express had amazing figures of 5 for 8 off 4 overs, 6 of the runs being wides. Quite the most accurate spell of rapid bowling most of us had ever seen.

With the middle order looking like morse code in the score book, the Lambley skipper saw sense and brought spin on at both ends. Sam Nice played across a straight one for 2, and Ben Healey played a great shot only to be caught by a full length dive at square leg. The 17 year old speedster was still keeping loose on the boundary and Dimps didn’t fancy the prospect and walked claiming he’d edged a catch behind when neither the bowler or ‘keeper appealed! 42-0 to 70 all out just 10 overs later.

We turned straight around and the total was soon looking about 300 short as the Lambley openers raced to the target in just 11 overs.

A proper stuffing, but a rare one, only the 10th time any Keyworth side has lost by 10 wickets, and thankfully the first time since 2001.

Tea was the best part of the day and a splendid spread, pork pie the retro highlight.